So, here we go, I guess I've seen almost every team play a whole game, although I don't recall a Honduras one. Yeah, actually I didn't see a Swiss one either. But I'm reasonably qualified, and it's my team.
Eduardo (Portugal); Maicon (Brazil), Lucio (Brazil), Juan (Brazil), Coentrao (Portugal); Annan (Ghana), Schweinsteiger (Germany); Tevez (Argentina), Ozil (Germany), Villa (Spain); Higuain (Argentina)
Gyan and Robinho would be on the bench.
Wednesday 30 June 2010
Spain vs Portugal
1) Even more unbelievably, if there is one phrase that brings dread to my mind more than "jogo bonito", it's "tikifuckingtaka". I cannot fucking stand the Spanish national football team. There is literally no reason or rhyme to this at all; it's probably mostly a reaction to the Barcelona love shown by all and fucking sundry. I also find the constant short passes somewhat dull, as explained when I talked about Cambiasso's goal in 2006: sometimes, I don't want to have to watch you pass the ball 40 fucking times before getting it in to the box.
That's not to say I don't appreciate it when Spain shift it quick, open up a defence and go through (such as their goal last night, which was wonderful); it's just that I wish that they tried to shift if quick and open up defences all the time, instead of this meandering tippy tap.
2) Villa is probably proving to be the best individual on show so far, in terms of super stardom at least. He seems very difficult to defend against as he plays from the left, and later in the game was a constant menace. My own understanding of this was that Llorente occupied the centre backs far more effectively than Torres did, who seemed to be taking up a position on the right for much of the first half. This was giving Carvalho a bit more time to deal with Villa. Once Llorente was there in the middle, Villa was a bit more one-on-one, and when the right back was occupied by Xavi's forward burst, Villa had the time to score.
To be honest, I would have thought that you would be looking to show Villa the outside all the time at right back, and forcing him to cross with his left foot; I suppose Llorente's size and aerial ability means that the defender is less sure of that option, and means that it is easier for Villa to come inside. Either way, he is looking lethal.
3) Portugal offered very little on the break, aside from the height of Almeida, and one Ronaldo free kick. I have no intention to try to malign Cristiano after a very poor performance; you couldn't sum the guy up from this game anymore than you could judge Ozil from his relatively disappointing showing vs Serbia. Suffice it to say, Ronaldo does not yet deliver his best in the biggest matches.
4) Spain will presumably cruise through to the semi-final (unless the Paraguay defence is really capable of 120 minutes of total obduracy; judging from yesterday, they would be a match for anyone in a shoot-out), but I don't see them winning the tournamnent. And I don't want them to.
That's not to say I don't appreciate it when Spain shift it quick, open up a defence and go through (such as their goal last night, which was wonderful); it's just that I wish that they tried to shift if quick and open up defences all the time, instead of this meandering tippy tap.
2) Villa is probably proving to be the best individual on show so far, in terms of super stardom at least. He seems very difficult to defend against as he plays from the left, and later in the game was a constant menace. My own understanding of this was that Llorente occupied the centre backs far more effectively than Torres did, who seemed to be taking up a position on the right for much of the first half. This was giving Carvalho a bit more time to deal with Villa. Once Llorente was there in the middle, Villa was a bit more one-on-one, and when the right back was occupied by Xavi's forward burst, Villa had the time to score.
To be honest, I would have thought that you would be looking to show Villa the outside all the time at right back, and forcing him to cross with his left foot; I suppose Llorente's size and aerial ability means that the defender is less sure of that option, and means that it is easier for Villa to come inside. Either way, he is looking lethal.
3) Portugal offered very little on the break, aside from the height of Almeida, and one Ronaldo free kick. I have no intention to try to malign Cristiano after a very poor performance; you couldn't sum the guy up from this game anymore than you could judge Ozil from his relatively disappointing showing vs Serbia. Suffice it to say, Ronaldo does not yet deliver his best in the biggest matches.
4) Spain will presumably cruise through to the semi-final (unless the Paraguay defence is really capable of 120 minutes of total obduracy; judging from yesterday, they would be a match for anyone in a shoot-out), but I don't see them winning the tournamnent. And I don't want them to.
Tuesday 29 June 2010
Brazil vs Chile
1) I'm a bit perverse for a football fan; I can't stand all that jogo bloody bonito, samba soccer Brazil love bullshit. I became immensely sick of the love-in towards a barely functional, Hollywood Brazil team four years ago, and was absolutely delighted at their defeat to France. So normally I don't want Brazil to win anything, in case the sickening fawning of pundits makes me stick a kitchen knife into my head.
This Brazil team is quite different though; a rock solid defence comprising of probably the best keeper, right back and centre half in the world, with two hard-working defensive midfielders, and then three quicksilver attackers on the counter. They are going to be incredibly difficult to beat, and would be deserving World Champions.
2) This match basically summed up that Brazil perfectly: they took the lead through a functional set-piece goal, then countered beautifully as Robinho and Kaka set up Luis Fabiano, before they soaked up Chile's attacks and launched another attack, Robinho sumptuously stroking Ramires pass (at first glance, I thought Ramires had actually miscontrolled the ball; it was actually a lovely cute pass. Kudos to Ramires for not shooting from that position as well).
3) Chile were game, and kept attacking; Brazil seem to have learned from their earlier games, where they, having taken a two or three goal lead, they allowed their opponents to come back into the game. Here, they were absolutely intent on not conceeding. Chile's real chance of progression in this World Cup was in scoring enough goals to beat Switzerland or Honduras heavily, or in drawing with Spain. They paid for profligacy in the first games, and for crazy goalkeeping in the latter (I watched half an hour vs Spain, and Chile were by far the better side until their keeper decided to come forty yards out of his goal and not put the ball out of play).
4) It's going to take a good fucking team to beat Brazil to the title; I doubt that the Netherlands are the one. The thing that has been so interesting about the World Cup is that most of its best sides (Brazil, Holland and Germany) have all played their best football on the counter; when these teams begin to meet each other in the latter stages, it will be interesting to see the approach. Neither Brazil nor Holland will be uncomfortable with the ball for long periods, but neither will want to commit too many players forward to play into the other's strengths. It could make for a strange game. Spain of course are the exception to the counter attacking theory, although they are also proficient at breaking; their game with Portugal today is another high profile knock-out clash that should be interesting. My personal prediction (which will doubtless be wrong) is that Portugal will win 2-1, in what I guess will be a shock if you have never watched Spain play in a World Cup before (they lack what Tim Flowers has in spades).
This Brazil team is quite different though; a rock solid defence comprising of probably the best keeper, right back and centre half in the world, with two hard-working defensive midfielders, and then three quicksilver attackers on the counter. They are going to be incredibly difficult to beat, and would be deserving World Champions.
2) This match basically summed up that Brazil perfectly: they took the lead through a functional set-piece goal, then countered beautifully as Robinho and Kaka set up Luis Fabiano, before they soaked up Chile's attacks and launched another attack, Robinho sumptuously stroking Ramires pass (at first glance, I thought Ramires had actually miscontrolled the ball; it was actually a lovely cute pass. Kudos to Ramires for not shooting from that position as well).
3) Chile were game, and kept attacking; Brazil seem to have learned from their earlier games, where they, having taken a two or three goal lead, they allowed their opponents to come back into the game. Here, they were absolutely intent on not conceeding. Chile's real chance of progression in this World Cup was in scoring enough goals to beat Switzerland or Honduras heavily, or in drawing with Spain. They paid for profligacy in the first games, and for crazy goalkeeping in the latter (I watched half an hour vs Spain, and Chile were by far the better side until their keeper decided to come forty yards out of his goal and not put the ball out of play).
4) It's going to take a good fucking team to beat Brazil to the title; I doubt that the Netherlands are the one. The thing that has been so interesting about the World Cup is that most of its best sides (Brazil, Holland and Germany) have all played their best football on the counter; when these teams begin to meet each other in the latter stages, it will be interesting to see the approach. Neither Brazil nor Holland will be uncomfortable with the ball for long periods, but neither will want to commit too many players forward to play into the other's strengths. It could make for a strange game. Spain of course are the exception to the counter attacking theory, although they are also proficient at breaking; their game with Portugal today is another high profile knock-out clash that should be interesting. My personal prediction (which will doubtless be wrong) is that Portugal will win 2-1, in what I guess will be a shock if you have never watched Spain play in a World Cup before (they lack what Tim Flowers has in spades).
Monday 28 June 2010
Argentina vs Mexico
1) I was drunk and had eaten a lot of meat by the time that this game kicked off. Therefore my memories may not be entirely reliable. I think this was a game that ended up being totally ruined by a wrongly allowed goal; credit to Mexico for still making a game of it, it looked for a while in the first half as if it was going to kick off big time.
2) Tevez scored an outrageous goal to make up for his cheating ways: the best I've seen in the tournament. A rare occasion for Hansen to be justified with his "great hit" bollox.
3) I'm not a big Lionel Messi fan, truth be told. I don't really like the fact that although he's so rich, he still has such rubbish hair. You wouldn't want Tevez' hair (black, greasy and lank held back by a hairband), but at least it's distinctively rubbish. Messi's is neither short nor long, has no wave or curl to it, it's just there. Poor. I appreciate he's quite good at the whole "kicking the ball"; they should can the fucking Maradona comparison though. The overall level of the Argentina 1986 side was basically a quarter final team, and he made them champions. If you took out Samuel, Mascherano, Di Maria and Tevez and Argentina won the World Cup this year, that would be different. But now? Nowhere close. Great player though, hair and media bullshit aside.
4) Javi Hernandez will score at least four winners for Manchester United next season. He looks like a serious little player.
2) Tevez scored an outrageous goal to make up for his cheating ways: the best I've seen in the tournament. A rare occasion for Hansen to be justified with his "great hit" bollox.
3) I'm not a big Lionel Messi fan, truth be told. I don't really like the fact that although he's so rich, he still has such rubbish hair. You wouldn't want Tevez' hair (black, greasy and lank held back by a hairband), but at least it's distinctively rubbish. Messi's is neither short nor long, has no wave or curl to it, it's just there. Poor. I appreciate he's quite good at the whole "kicking the ball"; they should can the fucking Maradona comparison though. The overall level of the Argentina 1986 side was basically a quarter final team, and he made them champions. If you took out Samuel, Mascherano, Di Maria and Tevez and Argentina won the World Cup this year, that would be different. But now? Nowhere close. Great player though, hair and media bullshit aside.
4) Javi Hernandez will score at least four winners for Manchester United next season. He looks like a serious little player.
England vs Germany
1) I have decided, after 20 years, that I am no longer supporting the England national football team, or at least not in its current guise. I have put in 20 years of effort, and in that time the team has got progressively worse. I think the main problem I had with this particular result came afterwards, watching the players being interviewed. How John Terry can have the nerve to blame a goal that wasn't giving for a defeat in which he presided over the worst international defending display I have seen from England in years. When I was 9, the England team had men who I think would have been pretty good fathers, in Butcher and Shilton. When I was 16, the team had proper men who I could be proud of, in Ince and Adams. When I was 21, we had players whose skills compared with the top players (Campbell, Scholes, Owen). Now I'm nearly 30. I am more of a man than half this team (I have a stable relationship and have never once attempted to sleep with my friend's wives, when I make a mistake at work, I admit it and don't swear at my boss, I didn't leave my missus to look after the baby while I shagged a 16 year old girl, I never offered to pay for anyone's abortion after I was sick on them during intercourse). So fuck them; I'm done.
2) With regards to the game, I think the disallowed goal may well have made for a very different second half, and that Blatter should take his head out of his arse and allow technology to be used to try to allow officials to make more accurate decisions. Had England drawn level at half-time, they would never have been chasing the game as they were in the second half, and would not have conceeded the two Muller goals that they did.
3) However, England's naivety in getting 8 men ahead of the ball at a freekick for the third goal was embarrasing. We'd hit the bar twice, and Rooney was beginning to look more threatening. There was no need to throw everyone forward in such a fashion. And note that I am not saying that England would have forced a result even if the goal was given: you cannot have just watched the same game I did and come to the conclusion that had they needed to have scored, Germany would not have been able to. Because in the first half hour, they went through England four or five times.
4) The first two goals were embarrassing. John Terry has his qualities (leadership, determination) but also several flaws (lack of pace, and judging by this match, poor decision making and positioning). Whilst his qualities are a credit to the side, as soon as someone appears who can both lead, try hard and chest beat AND defend properly, Terry should be dropped.
5) Upson is not a top level international defender, and should therefore probably not be selected again. Likewise, right backs need to be able to defend. Wes Brown should be cemented back into the number 2 shirt as soon as possible.
6) James actually kept well at times, but could have done better with the second and third goals. I suppose Hart will now be selected, but it seems a rather "arse about face" way to go about it.
7) Lampard actually gave a performance of some vigour, using the ball better, getting forward, and for the first time in his nine World Cup matches, striking ball cleanly. It is unfortunate that he will finish his career never having scored a World Cup goal, but then neither did George Best, or even Alan Ball, so get over it.
8) I hope Gareth Barry was not match-fit, otherwise he is simply shit.
9) Wayne Rooney. Wayne Rooney suffered an injury in late March that should have kept him out of action for four to six weeks. He instead returned eight days later. He has not scored a goal in a competitive match since then, neither has he recaptured anything like the form he showed prior to his injury. Wayne Rooney made the decision to return to action quicker than expected at the behest of Manchester United Football Club. Wayne Rooney clearly prioritised playing for Manchester United ahead of playing for England; it is they who give him his vast salary and merchandising money. It's quite irritating that club football is more important to Wayne Rooney than playing in the World Cup, especially for those of us who dislike Manchester United, and like England, but it is a fact. Wayne Rooney will be back scoring lots of goals for Manchester United come August. He may look like one of the best players in Europe again. But he will never reach the place of fondness and reverence that Englishman have for Bobby Charlton, or Geoff Hurst, or Paul Gascoigne, because he has never given the best performances of his life on the biggest stage of all, the World Cup. So doubtless, excuses will be made. But Rooney isn't fit to lace the boots of Lineker, if you want my opinion. And unless he turns up in Rio in 4 years time (England in that heat!), he never will be.
10) As for the Germans, Schweinsteiger, Ozil and Muller were superb. Klose, Lahm and Poldolski were very good. Boateng rarely looked troubled. The Germans are not a perfect side, but the way they exploited England's lack of pace and organisation at the back was wonderfully clinical. Ozil is a serious player, and one of the best we've seen so far.
11) I imagine that we will not see Capello lead an England team again; I don't think he should bother myself. He has made mistakes, terrible substitutions, and his commitment to 4-4-2 seems a little (or indeed, a lot) old-fashioned these days. But for this country to witness the decline in our performances from 2002, through Euro 2004, 2006 and now this year, and to blame the manager who has won trophies everywhere for this malaise seems a bit ridiculous. Capello was not as good as he thought, but scapegoating him, or a Uruguayan linesman, for this is absurd: the only players out of this team who have ever played at their potential at an international tournament are Ashley Cole, Frank Lampard and Wayne Rooney. For the latter two, that was six years ago at the European Championship. These are not world class players, and many of them are not even great. Retire the Golden Generation, repeat the sentence "we have never beaten another team that has won the World Cup in a knockout match apart from when we were playing at home" until you have memorised it, and start just enjoy being in these tournaments.
2) With regards to the game, I think the disallowed goal may well have made for a very different second half, and that Blatter should take his head out of his arse and allow technology to be used to try to allow officials to make more accurate decisions. Had England drawn level at half-time, they would never have been chasing the game as they were in the second half, and would not have conceeded the two Muller goals that they did.
3) However, England's naivety in getting 8 men ahead of the ball at a freekick for the third goal was embarrasing. We'd hit the bar twice, and Rooney was beginning to look more threatening. There was no need to throw everyone forward in such a fashion. And note that I am not saying that England would have forced a result even if the goal was given: you cannot have just watched the same game I did and come to the conclusion that had they needed to have scored, Germany would not have been able to. Because in the first half hour, they went through England four or five times.
4) The first two goals were embarrassing. John Terry has his qualities (leadership, determination) but also several flaws (lack of pace, and judging by this match, poor decision making and positioning). Whilst his qualities are a credit to the side, as soon as someone appears who can both lead, try hard and chest beat AND defend properly, Terry should be dropped.
5) Upson is not a top level international defender, and should therefore probably not be selected again. Likewise, right backs need to be able to defend. Wes Brown should be cemented back into the number 2 shirt as soon as possible.
6) James actually kept well at times, but could have done better with the second and third goals. I suppose Hart will now be selected, but it seems a rather "arse about face" way to go about it.
7) Lampard actually gave a performance of some vigour, using the ball better, getting forward, and for the first time in his nine World Cup matches, striking ball cleanly. It is unfortunate that he will finish his career never having scored a World Cup goal, but then neither did George Best, or even Alan Ball, so get over it.
8) I hope Gareth Barry was not match-fit, otherwise he is simply shit.
9) Wayne Rooney. Wayne Rooney suffered an injury in late March that should have kept him out of action for four to six weeks. He instead returned eight days later. He has not scored a goal in a competitive match since then, neither has he recaptured anything like the form he showed prior to his injury. Wayne Rooney made the decision to return to action quicker than expected at the behest of Manchester United Football Club. Wayne Rooney clearly prioritised playing for Manchester United ahead of playing for England; it is they who give him his vast salary and merchandising money. It's quite irritating that club football is more important to Wayne Rooney than playing in the World Cup, especially for those of us who dislike Manchester United, and like England, but it is a fact. Wayne Rooney will be back scoring lots of goals for Manchester United come August. He may look like one of the best players in Europe again. But he will never reach the place of fondness and reverence that Englishman have for Bobby Charlton, or Geoff Hurst, or Paul Gascoigne, because he has never given the best performances of his life on the biggest stage of all, the World Cup. So doubtless, excuses will be made. But Rooney isn't fit to lace the boots of Lineker, if you want my opinion. And unless he turns up in Rio in 4 years time (England in that heat!), he never will be.
10) As for the Germans, Schweinsteiger, Ozil and Muller were superb. Klose, Lahm and Poldolski were very good. Boateng rarely looked troubled. The Germans are not a perfect side, but the way they exploited England's lack of pace and organisation at the back was wonderfully clinical. Ozil is a serious player, and one of the best we've seen so far.
11) I imagine that we will not see Capello lead an England team again; I don't think he should bother myself. He has made mistakes, terrible substitutions, and his commitment to 4-4-2 seems a little (or indeed, a lot) old-fashioned these days. But for this country to witness the decline in our performances from 2002, through Euro 2004, 2006 and now this year, and to blame the manager who has won trophies everywhere for this malaise seems a bit ridiculous. Capello was not as good as he thought, but scapegoating him, or a Uruguayan linesman, for this is absurd: the only players out of this team who have ever played at their potential at an international tournament are Ashley Cole, Frank Lampard and Wayne Rooney. For the latter two, that was six years ago at the European Championship. These are not world class players, and many of them are not even great. Retire the Golden Generation, repeat the sentence "we have never beaten another team that has won the World Cup in a knockout match apart from when we were playing at home" until you have memorised it, and start just enjoy being in these tournaments.
Ghana vs USA
So I've taken a real shine to Ghana again; I greatly enjoyed their game against Czech Republic in 2006, and have pretty much adopted them as my African team. One can only wonder how good they might be if they had Essien playing as one of the three attacking midfielders.
1) Anthony Annan has had an absolutely belting world cup. He simply sits deep, intercepts when he can, crunches when he has to, wins the ball, and passes it simply, almost never giving it away. He is the best pure defensive midfielder I've seen in the tournament, and all they ever say is "he doesn't mind a tackle". He's much more than that.
2) Kevin Prince Boateng should have been booked for that celebration.
3) Why the fuck do America concede within minutes of the restart?
4) The American's looked so much better when they moved Dempsey to centre forward, with Donovan joining, and a more defensive player on the left of midfield.
5) Both these teams should be proud of their tournament. If Ghana manage to progress to the semi-final, and thus become Africa's most successful World Cup side ever, it will be a decent reward for their organisation. I cannot help also to feel that England should be glad that they failed to win the group: they could comfortably have lost to this Ghana team, which might be even more psychologically damaging to the press that Sunday.
1) Anthony Annan has had an absolutely belting world cup. He simply sits deep, intercepts when he can, crunches when he has to, wins the ball, and passes it simply, almost never giving it away. He is the best pure defensive midfielder I've seen in the tournament, and all they ever say is "he doesn't mind a tackle". He's much more than that.
2) Kevin Prince Boateng should have been booked for that celebration.
3) Why the fuck do America concede within minutes of the restart?
4) The American's looked so much better when they moved Dempsey to centre forward, with Donovan joining, and a more defensive player on the left of midfield.
5) Both these teams should be proud of their tournament. If Ghana manage to progress to the semi-final, and thus become Africa's most successful World Cup side ever, it will be a decent reward for their organisation. I cannot help also to feel that England should be glad that they failed to win the group: they could comfortably have lost to this Ghana team, which might be even more psychologically damaging to the press that Sunday.
Uruguay vs Skorea
We went to my sister and brother-in-law's for a BBQ. I drank a fair amount of Argentinian and Peruvian lager, so while I watched the game, I didn't really pay attention.
1) I thought Suarez was a perfect fit for the "South American doing great in a minor European league who shows up and does fuck all". In fact, he's "a really great finisher". I was wrong, then. Great finish for the winner.
2) Skorea attacked fairly dangerously, and the lad at Bolton had a decent enough game. They really shouldn't have brought on Lee Dong Gook though; the chance he got at the end was so reminiscent of his games at Boro, where every time on Match of the Day he would get a chance in the inside right channel and fail to score.
3) Skorea have improved again, and if they can get more of their players into Europe, I wouldn't bet on them becoming regular last 16 contenders. They had a good tournament.
4) Uruguay's quarter final will be compelling. They are not a great side, but Forlan and Suarez are fairly lethal, and Cavani looks like a decent worker alongside: able to play right up front and also drop off or pull wide.
1) I thought Suarez was a perfect fit for the "South American doing great in a minor European league who shows up and does fuck all". In fact, he's "a really great finisher". I was wrong, then. Great finish for the winner.
2) Skorea attacked fairly dangerously, and the lad at Bolton had a decent enough game. They really shouldn't have brought on Lee Dong Gook though; the chance he got at the end was so reminiscent of his games at Boro, where every time on Match of the Day he would get a chance in the inside right channel and fail to score.
3) Skorea have improved again, and if they can get more of their players into Europe, I wouldn't bet on them becoming regular last 16 contenders. They had a good tournament.
4) Uruguay's quarter final will be compelling. They are not a great side, but Forlan and Suarez are fairly lethal, and Cavani looks like a decent worker alongside: able to play right up front and also drop off or pull wide.
Friday 25 June 2010
Japan vs Denmark
1) Japan were really great, and should have had more of a go at Holland, on this evidence. They were very slick, and having three attacking midfielders in the attacking roles in their 4-5-1/4-3-3 meant that they were all attacking and running from deep; the full backs got forward as well. The successful Asian teams (Skorea and Japan) have both shown a willingness to attack with bodies at pace from deep, and display excellent technique. They also defend reasonably well. The success of both teams in the 2002 World Cup has mostly been written off as a home advantage anomaly; both have been excellent at times here; Japan had far too much for Denmark.
2) The oriental sides (are you allowed to say Oriental? I'm not sure) have also scored the only free kicks of the tournament. The pundits criticised Sorenson for the first, saying he should have saved it, but it was a superb strike nonetheless. The second was also marvellously placed.
3) Denmark's approach was curious, since they basically started shelling diagonal long balls into the box after the second goal, and never gave up. When young Eriksen came on, he was barely picked up once, as he came into midfield for the ball, but they merely kept launching long balls.
4) Tomasson's goal from his saved penalty was brilliant. A terrible penalty hit straight at the keeper, a scuffed follow up that only just went into the net ... this actually summed up the general level of Tomasson's finishing, since he has missed about three or four sitters in the last two games combined.
5) Honda was glorious as a lone forward: excellent control, and a neat piece of skill set up the third goal. He looks like a decent player.
6) Japan may test Paraguay and yet reach the quarter final. My desperate hopes are that Spain will either be eliminated or have to play Brazil as results leave them in second place. If Spain fail to reach the bottom quarter of the draw, it might consist of Paraguay, Japan, Portugal and Chile. I'm sure hopeful (blind, deluded) England fans will be hoping that Portugal can made it through to the semi final to meet theLions theLions theLions; I would love to see Japan or Chile there personally. The draw as it stands will give us at least three (four if Spain have to play Brazil) heavyweight clashes; I'm more than happy for these to be confined to two quarters of the draw with the other two quarters full of teams who didn't expect to get this far, and give it a real go.
2) The oriental sides (are you allowed to say Oriental? I'm not sure) have also scored the only free kicks of the tournament. The pundits criticised Sorenson for the first, saying he should have saved it, but it was a superb strike nonetheless. The second was also marvellously placed.
3) Denmark's approach was curious, since they basically started shelling diagonal long balls into the box after the second goal, and never gave up. When young Eriksen came on, he was barely picked up once, as he came into midfield for the ball, but they merely kept launching long balls.
4) Tomasson's goal from his saved penalty was brilliant. A terrible penalty hit straight at the keeper, a scuffed follow up that only just went into the net ... this actually summed up the general level of Tomasson's finishing, since he has missed about three or four sitters in the last two games combined.
5) Honda was glorious as a lone forward: excellent control, and a neat piece of skill set up the third goal. He looks like a decent player.
6) Japan may test Paraguay and yet reach the quarter final. My desperate hopes are that Spain will either be eliminated or have to play Brazil as results leave them in second place. If Spain fail to reach the bottom quarter of the draw, it might consist of Paraguay, Japan, Portugal and Chile. I'm sure hopeful (blind, deluded) England fans will be hoping that Portugal can made it through to the semi final to meet theLions theLions theLions; I would love to see Japan or Chile there personally. The draw as it stands will give us at least three (four if Spain have to play Brazil) heavyweight clashes; I'm more than happy for these to be confined to two quarters of the draw with the other two quarters full of teams who didn't expect to get this far, and give it a real go.
Italy vs Slovakia
Watched the last twenty minutes of this on ITVsomething this morning before work, so I guess I'm highly qualified to write about it.
1) I cannot believe, can not believe, that an Italy defence conceeded a goal from first phase posession from a throw in. A throw in! What the fuck.
2) Quaglierella (sp?): quick, skilfull, direct, daring ... why on earth did they not use him sooner than this game? A lovely goal as well.
3) They really missed Buffon.
4) Sad to see Cannavaro reduced to that level. He was one of the all time great centre halves, easily the best I've seen. And I saw Andy Linighan. Chiellini looked pretty crappy as well: his one man tour de force against Villa and Torres in Euro 2008 is starting to look the exception rather than the rule.
5) This is by far the worst Italian side I've ever seen, and probably the worst for at least 50 years. They don't really have anyone who can look back at think they did themselves any justice, Quaglierella possibly?
6) A fantastic last twenty odd minutes though, and well played Slovakia: their first World Cup and into the knockout stages.
7) The contretemps in the net after the game is good enough for a bat shit crazy bastards by the way; there haven't been enough of those yet really, hopefully the Uruguayans will start kicking the Skoreans and get some fly-kicks back on Saturday (which, by the way, is both the least and most attractive looking knockout stage day I've ever seen).
1) I cannot believe, can not believe, that an Italy defence conceeded a goal from first phase posession from a throw in. A throw in! What the fuck.
2) Quaglierella (sp?): quick, skilfull, direct, daring ... why on earth did they not use him sooner than this game? A lovely goal as well.
3) They really missed Buffon.
4) Sad to see Cannavaro reduced to that level. He was one of the all time great centre halves, easily the best I've seen. And I saw Andy Linighan. Chiellini looked pretty crappy as well: his one man tour de force against Villa and Torres in Euro 2008 is starting to look the exception rather than the rule.
5) This is by far the worst Italian side I've ever seen, and probably the worst for at least 50 years. They don't really have anyone who can look back at think they did themselves any justice, Quaglierella possibly?
6) A fantastic last twenty odd minutes though, and well played Slovakia: their first World Cup and into the knockout stages.
7) The contretemps in the net after the game is good enough for a bat shit crazy bastards by the way; there haven't been enough of those yet really, hopefully the Uruguayans will start kicking the Skoreans and get some fly-kicks back on Saturday (which, by the way, is both the least and most attractive looking knockout stage day I've ever seen).
Thursday 24 June 2010
TV Watch
How are our beloved pundits getting on?
A quick rundown of how I think some of the key-men have been doing:
BBC
Lineker: He's Gary Lineker, and therefore above criticism, but I think he's been doing alright. PASS
Colin Murray: Murray has a reasonably light touch and I have no problems with him save one: the Norn Iron accent. FAIL
Hansen: I can clearly remember a time when Hansen used to lean back, and almost sound mystical; I'm pretty sure we used to revere him as some sort of master pundit. He now seems to delight in his lack of knowledge of anything other than the Prem. And stop saying "great hit". FAIL
Shearer: The truth is, I've gone past the point of ill will towards Shearer; he even tried to make a little documentary about poverty in the townships and whatever else earlier in the tournament. The truth is, the bloke is not capable of analysing the game to any serious level; it's always "great cross, and a tidy finish". "We've picked him up here, and he's made a great run to get on the end of it". We. Can. See. That. Perhaps Shearer has a blind relative, and practices by simply telling her what he sees on the screen. I don't wish him any ill-will, I'd just like it if he couldn't talk. FAIL.
Dixon: I like him actually. PASS
Redknapp: Fuck off Bagpuss. FAIL (he's actually been quite insightful, but it's 'Arry Redknapp. I'm a Southampton fan)
Seedorf: Seedorf gets a pass simply because of the short he did about the ball. It's not like he's said anything interesting, but you can at least understand the man. PASS
Adebayor: A completely cynical piece of broadcasting (here's an African, he must know something about football, get him on) is rightly backfiring: Adebayor is fucking hopeless: long meandering sentences, a low timbre you can't even hear. FAIL
Pearce: I don't mind him, but as the lead commentator, he should be looking to add gravitas and importance to the occasion. He isn't. FAIL
Wilson: The Michael Cole of football commentary: a banal yes man, who cannot express excitement properly, and actually gives me a headache if it's an exciting match.FAIL
Lawrenson: Stop. Step away from the jokebook. FAIL
Bright: Stop. It is only the presence of ITV's dynamic duo that saves Bright from the ignominy of being perhaps the least effective football broadcaster currently working. FAIL
McCarthy: Capable of insight, and surprisingly is fairly intelligent. Voice could commentate on anything and make it sound dull. The apocalypse. A Miley Cyrus porno. Anything. FAIL
Logan: Would Smash. So would Capello. PASS
ITV
Chiles: You're not my fucking mate, and you never will be (because of your fucking accent, alright?). Can the fucking banter, you cunt. FAIL
Smith: Diamond in the rough. Love him. PASS
Townsend: a walking cliche machine at this point, and a man unsuited to pulling double duty as shit-pundit and shit-co-commentator. ITV should look to bin him off I think; he's had his day and is far more effective on the radio. FAIL
Earle: Bwahahaha FAIL
Southgate: Gareth is bland, and smooth, but inoffensive, so for this lot, he gets a PASS. Some of the ITV cast make him look like Will Self FFS.
Keegan: It's good to see Kelvin back on the box; and he's far better suited to punditry than co-commentary, which was his previous gig with Mooro, in the days when he used to defend elbows to the face, and get every prediction wrong. I actually think he's doing alright PASS
Vieira: Completely spherical head distracts from everything else. His English is better than most of the others token "black men sandwiched 'twixt white men". He probably gets a FAIL though, his head's not that interesting.
Desailly: I have a soft spot for a guy who, as a player, Absolutely Raped Them more than anyone else I've ever seen (Desailly was a fucking marvel, especially sitting in midfield for Milan); it's probably the absurd voice. PASS
Davids: Shit English: Check. Nothing to add: check. Never gets the jokes: Check. Withering looks when someone disagrees: Check. Davids is really quite something; I wonder why they didn't bin him for that jumper fiasco. FAIL.
Tyldo: He is not a man capable of change or development. It'll be Magical Nights In Barcelona, Unforgettable Nights In Istanbul until one of us, or half the population of Cumbria, are in the ground. FAIL
Drury: I didn't mind Drury for the first match, I think because I was convinced they would unleash Tyldo to give it that gravitas. That was a rare blip though; I realised the other day that I have been disliking Drury for 13 solid years now. FAIL.
Beglin: Ah, Beggers. I haven't completely given up on Beglin, because like Hansen and the rest, I did used to enjoy his work. I think he's got pre-senile dementia though, and he makes me long for Pleat, which is absurd. FAIL
Burley: A new addition to the ITV line-up, unless I'm much mistaken. "He hasn't been quite as bad as Cookie Coleman" is perhaps the kindest I could be at this stage. At some point, I know that the literally millions of people who want co-commentators and pundits who understand that their job is to add to the pictures people are receiving at home, will rise up and simply cull dozens of the fucking wasters that we currently endure. Burley will be one of the first against the wall. The real trick is going to be staying alive long enough to see it. FAIL
Chris "Cookie" Coleman: You've heard the man, I'm sure. No amount of usage of the words "fuck" and "cunt" can add to your understanding of the fact that Cookie is totally unsuited to the broadcasting of football on television. The truth is, Cookie makes me long for the moment when he stops talking and Tyldo takes over. This is an unprecedented level of cuntdom. EPIC FAIL.
So the scores on the doors: +4 and -10 for the Beeb, +4 -11 for Channel 3 (Cookie counts double), so I probably have the BBC ahead on -6 against ITV's -7 at the moment (if it does end level, James Corden's presence on ITV is going to be the tie-breaker, incidentally). It's pretty tight though; I guess I'll do another one of these to see if my opinions have changed at all. So there's still time for someone to change my opinion.
Let me know if I forgot anyone; I think Keown is working somewhere, and I don't know if I didn't invent Matt Smith: what show is he doing?
A quick rundown of how I think some of the key-men have been doing:
BBC
Lineker: He's Gary Lineker, and therefore above criticism, but I think he's been doing alright. PASS
Colin Murray: Murray has a reasonably light touch and I have no problems with him save one: the Norn Iron accent. FAIL
Hansen: I can clearly remember a time when Hansen used to lean back, and almost sound mystical; I'm pretty sure we used to revere him as some sort of master pundit. He now seems to delight in his lack of knowledge of anything other than the Prem. And stop saying "great hit". FAIL
Shearer: The truth is, I've gone past the point of ill will towards Shearer; he even tried to make a little documentary about poverty in the townships and whatever else earlier in the tournament. The truth is, the bloke is not capable of analysing the game to any serious level; it's always "great cross, and a tidy finish". "We've picked him up here, and he's made a great run to get on the end of it". We. Can. See. That. Perhaps Shearer has a blind relative, and practices by simply telling her what he sees on the screen. I don't wish him any ill-will, I'd just like it if he couldn't talk. FAIL.
Dixon: I like him actually. PASS
Redknapp: Fuck off Bagpuss. FAIL (he's actually been quite insightful, but it's 'Arry Redknapp. I'm a Southampton fan)
Seedorf: Seedorf gets a pass simply because of the short he did about the ball. It's not like he's said anything interesting, but you can at least understand the man. PASS
Adebayor: A completely cynical piece of broadcasting (here's an African, he must know something about football, get him on) is rightly backfiring: Adebayor is fucking hopeless: long meandering sentences, a low timbre you can't even hear. FAIL
Pearce: I don't mind him, but as the lead commentator, he should be looking to add gravitas and importance to the occasion. He isn't. FAIL
Wilson: The Michael Cole of football commentary: a banal yes man, who cannot express excitement properly, and actually gives me a headache if it's an exciting match.FAIL
Lawrenson: Stop. Step away from the jokebook. FAIL
Bright: Stop. It is only the presence of ITV's dynamic duo that saves Bright from the ignominy of being perhaps the least effective football broadcaster currently working. FAIL
McCarthy: Capable of insight, and surprisingly is fairly intelligent. Voice could commentate on anything and make it sound dull. The apocalypse. A Miley Cyrus porno. Anything. FAIL
Logan: Would Smash. So would Capello. PASS
ITV
Chiles: You're not my fucking mate, and you never will be (because of your fucking accent, alright?). Can the fucking banter, you cunt. FAIL
Smith: Diamond in the rough. Love him. PASS
Townsend: a walking cliche machine at this point, and a man unsuited to pulling double duty as shit-pundit and shit-co-commentator. ITV should look to bin him off I think; he's had his day and is far more effective on the radio. FAIL
Earle: Bwahahaha FAIL
Southgate: Gareth is bland, and smooth, but inoffensive, so for this lot, he gets a PASS. Some of the ITV cast make him look like Will Self FFS.
Keegan: It's good to see Kelvin back on the box; and he's far better suited to punditry than co-commentary, which was his previous gig with Mooro, in the days when he used to defend elbows to the face, and get every prediction wrong. I actually think he's doing alright PASS
Vieira: Completely spherical head distracts from everything else. His English is better than most of the others token "black men sandwiched 'twixt white men". He probably gets a FAIL though, his head's not that interesting.
Desailly: I have a soft spot for a guy who, as a player, Absolutely Raped Them more than anyone else I've ever seen (Desailly was a fucking marvel, especially sitting in midfield for Milan); it's probably the absurd voice. PASS
Davids: Shit English: Check. Nothing to add: check. Never gets the jokes: Check. Withering looks when someone disagrees: Check. Davids is really quite something; I wonder why they didn't bin him for that jumper fiasco. FAIL.
Tyldo: He is not a man capable of change or development. It'll be Magical Nights In Barcelona, Unforgettable Nights In Istanbul until one of us, or half the population of Cumbria, are in the ground. FAIL
Drury: I didn't mind Drury for the first match, I think because I was convinced they would unleash Tyldo to give it that gravitas. That was a rare blip though; I realised the other day that I have been disliking Drury for 13 solid years now. FAIL.
Beglin: Ah, Beggers. I haven't completely given up on Beglin, because like Hansen and the rest, I did used to enjoy his work. I think he's got pre-senile dementia though, and he makes me long for Pleat, which is absurd. FAIL
Burley: A new addition to the ITV line-up, unless I'm much mistaken. "He hasn't been quite as bad as Cookie Coleman" is perhaps the kindest I could be at this stage. At some point, I know that the literally millions of people who want co-commentators and pundits who understand that their job is to add to the pictures people are receiving at home, will rise up and simply cull dozens of the fucking wasters that we currently endure. Burley will be one of the first against the wall. The real trick is going to be staying alive long enough to see it. FAIL
Chris "Cookie" Coleman: You've heard the man, I'm sure. No amount of usage of the words "fuck" and "cunt" can add to your understanding of the fact that Cookie is totally unsuited to the broadcasting of football on television. The truth is, Cookie makes me long for the moment when he stops talking and Tyldo takes over. This is an unprecedented level of cuntdom. EPIC FAIL.
So the scores on the doors: +4 and -10 for the Beeb, +4 -11 for Channel 3 (Cookie counts double), so I probably have the BBC ahead on -6 against ITV's -7 at the moment (if it does end level, James Corden's presence on ITV is going to be the tie-breaker, incidentally). It's pretty tight though; I guess I'll do another one of these to see if my opinions have changed at all. So there's still time for someone to change my opinion.
Let me know if I forgot anyone; I think Keown is working somewhere, and I don't know if I didn't invent Matt Smith: what show is he doing?
Germany vs Ghana
1) The problem with these games they play at the same time is that you want to watch both, so end up watching neither. I haven't written about Argentina vs Greece or Nigeria vs South Korea because I spent the whole game flicking between the two of them. I was a bit more disciplined last night, because I have taken quite a shine to the Black Stars of Ghana, who really should have got something out of this match.
2) Annan, who sits in front of the back four for Ghana, has been one of the players of the tournament so far; it seemed in the first half against Serbia that he was simply a studs-up merchant, but he's actually played some seriously tidy football in every Ghana game. His positioning is excellent, he gets stuck in, he rarely wastes the ball, and almost gets forward on occasion. He would cut it in the Premier League with ease, and I expect to see someone make a bid for him. I suppose one criticism would be that he wasn't close enough to Ozil to stop him scoring, otherwise I thought he was excellent.
3) Ozil, on the other hand, was fairly quiet apart from a missed chance and scoring probably the second best goal of the tournament so far. He'll need to be picked up fairly consistently by England, but as long as he's not in space the whole time, I don't think he's as good as he looked against Australia, who pressed ahead of him, and then just let him wander about between the lines. Not that I have any faith in Gareth Barry to do any sort of job on him.
4) Asamoah should really have scored when through on goal: I haven't been impressed by either him or Prince Tagoe and they, along with the limitations of the hardworking Gyan, are the reason that Ghana did not win the group: they do not have sharp enough players in the top 4 of the side. Their defence is decent, and Boateng and Annan are excellent. Excepting Ayew, the quality is not there further forward though.
5) Schweinsteiger and Lahm really are excellent players. Schweinsteiger hardly wastes the ball. Lahm can be exposed at the very top level (Milito, Torres), but against most opponents he just gets on with it and does his job back and forward.
6) In terms of their future prospects, Ghana and the US will be fascinating, in that the US are far stronger when they are bombing forward, and Ghana would prefer to counter from a fairly organised, rugged defence. Hopefully Ghana will win; either side will remind England how crucial it would have been for either Rooney or Defoe to have buried straightforward second half chances.
Germany will of course be playing England. I have learnt my lesson, and would not even begin to assume what England should do against Germany, because as was demonstrated, I (fuck it, we) know fuck all about football. I reckon the key though will be to make Khedira and Schweinsteiger have to play fairly deep, through Rooney, Gerrard and Lampard, and to have someone reasonably close to Ozil. They will also be fairly vulnerable whoever is playing at left-back: Badstuber was dropped, Boateng is not a left back, and quite how Marcell Jansen must feel about being dropped for a player who doesn't even play in that position is questionable. Friedrich doesn't look that good either.
England can beat Germany, of that I have little doubt: Germany are nowhere near as good as they seemed to be as they picked their way through Australia's terrible defence. Ghana should have secured at least a draw last night, after all (yes, I'm assuming that England are better than Ghana).
2) Annan, who sits in front of the back four for Ghana, has been one of the players of the tournament so far; it seemed in the first half against Serbia that he was simply a studs-up merchant, but he's actually played some seriously tidy football in every Ghana game. His positioning is excellent, he gets stuck in, he rarely wastes the ball, and almost gets forward on occasion. He would cut it in the Premier League with ease, and I expect to see someone make a bid for him. I suppose one criticism would be that he wasn't close enough to Ozil to stop him scoring, otherwise I thought he was excellent.
3) Ozil, on the other hand, was fairly quiet apart from a missed chance and scoring probably the second best goal of the tournament so far. He'll need to be picked up fairly consistently by England, but as long as he's not in space the whole time, I don't think he's as good as he looked against Australia, who pressed ahead of him, and then just let him wander about between the lines. Not that I have any faith in Gareth Barry to do any sort of job on him.
4) Asamoah should really have scored when through on goal: I haven't been impressed by either him or Prince Tagoe and they, along with the limitations of the hardworking Gyan, are the reason that Ghana did not win the group: they do not have sharp enough players in the top 4 of the side. Their defence is decent, and Boateng and Annan are excellent. Excepting Ayew, the quality is not there further forward though.
5) Schweinsteiger and Lahm really are excellent players. Schweinsteiger hardly wastes the ball. Lahm can be exposed at the very top level (Milito, Torres), but against most opponents he just gets on with it and does his job back and forward.
6) In terms of their future prospects, Ghana and the US will be fascinating, in that the US are far stronger when they are bombing forward, and Ghana would prefer to counter from a fairly organised, rugged defence. Hopefully Ghana will win; either side will remind England how crucial it would have been for either Rooney or Defoe to have buried straightforward second half chances.
Germany will of course be playing England. I have learnt my lesson, and would not even begin to assume what England should do against Germany, because as was demonstrated, I (fuck it, we) know fuck all about football. I reckon the key though will be to make Khedira and Schweinsteiger have to play fairly deep, through Rooney, Gerrard and Lampard, and to have someone reasonably close to Ozil. They will also be fairly vulnerable whoever is playing at left-back: Badstuber was dropped, Boateng is not a left back, and quite how Marcell Jansen must feel about being dropped for a player who doesn't even play in that position is questionable. Friedrich doesn't look that good either.
England can beat Germany, of that I have little doubt: Germany are nowhere near as good as they seemed to be as they picked their way through Australia's terrible defence. Ghana should have secured at least a draw last night, after all (yes, I'm assuming that England are better than Ghana).
England vs Slovenia
Or Thank Fuck.
I've decided to write about matches in a list form instead of cliche ridden match report trype bollocks.
1) Thank Fuck For That. And I'm not talking about England's win. Everyone who is everyone (except, curiously, ITV1) has been telling us ever since the USA game that we should play Gerrard behind Rooney, or bring in an extra man in midfield, that Gerrard can't play from the left, that Rooney has to be the main striker, that we have to play 4-2-3-1; I had prepared a piece of the usual old bollocks about how England had to bring in an extra midfielder, and how the consistent problem was being outnumbered in midfield. Thank fuck that Capello doesn't have to listen to a bunch of cretins who have never played or even fully understood a game of football we've ever watched then, and simply selected the team he thought would win the game. Milner? He doesn't have enough pace to offer an outlet on the right. Rooney? Wasted playing off the striker. Defoe? All he does is score, never plays any part in the buildup.
Basically, I (I don't like to speak for you, although I suspect you're in the same boat) know fuck all about football, and should stick to drinking lager (or vodka and water, Mart) and criticising pundits.
2) I've been quite confused about the England squad for some time. I was always under the impression that number 11 Joe Cole was the Chelsea player whose career has been pretty much going backward since 2006. Apparently though, they picked some other guy, with magic boots who could Unlock Defences merely with a wave of his right foot. When they said he was coming on, I got really excited and started telling the baby he was about to see something really special. Turns out it was the scruffy guy, who has never put three decent performances together in a row in his life, and whose club doesn't even think he's better than Salomon Bloody Kalou.
3) Milner of course simply defied my concerns about playing him on the right by putting in a shift, working hard, and CROSSING the ball. You'd think, given the fact that I was saying a few days ago that Beckham would still walk into this team on the virtue of being able to cross the ball accurately, that I would be in favour of an unflashy player who was all about product being given a try on the wing. But no, I wanted another chance for Lennon; I was wrong.
4) Defoe, a player who I cannot stand for unknown reason, always makes me look like a plum; I don't think he is a particularly useful player due to the fact that all he ever does is look to shoot. He has precious use for anything else, isn't great at pressing, never passes, can't hold the ball up ... it's very clear why he's never moved to a big club, and I don't think he's a player who can hack it at the highest level, due to his limited game. However, complaining about a player who lives to score goals whilst in my head, Gary Lineker is somewhere up there with Christ and Buddha in the pantheon seems a little bit dumb. And of course, Defoe scored. I'll probably start an online petition for him to be dropped before Germany, but fuck it, I was wrong. Again.
5) Gerrard actually did what he was told, and played an advanced midfield role, starting from the left, and came inside to join with Rooney, and made sure he defended in front of Cole. Will wonders never cease?
6) Slovenia were quite shit; England were quite good. It's clear that the confidence was absolutely shot after Green's mistake, and this went on to affect the Algeria match ... hopefully this result and performance will encourage belief amongst the players.
7) Rooney will now be even more unfit vs Germany. Yay!
I've decided to write about matches in a list form instead of cliche ridden match report trype bollocks.
1) Thank Fuck For That. And I'm not talking about England's win. Everyone who is everyone (except, curiously, ITV1) has been telling us ever since the USA game that we should play Gerrard behind Rooney, or bring in an extra man in midfield, that Gerrard can't play from the left, that Rooney has to be the main striker, that we have to play 4-2-3-1; I had prepared a piece of the usual old bollocks about how England had to bring in an extra midfielder, and how the consistent problem was being outnumbered in midfield. Thank fuck that Capello doesn't have to listen to a bunch of cretins who have never played or even fully understood a game of football we've ever watched then, and simply selected the team he thought would win the game. Milner? He doesn't have enough pace to offer an outlet on the right. Rooney? Wasted playing off the striker. Defoe? All he does is score, never plays any part in the buildup.
Basically, I (I don't like to speak for you, although I suspect you're in the same boat) know fuck all about football, and should stick to drinking lager (or vodka and water, Mart) and criticising pundits.
2) I've been quite confused about the England squad for some time. I was always under the impression that number 11 Joe Cole was the Chelsea player whose career has been pretty much going backward since 2006. Apparently though, they picked some other guy, with magic boots who could Unlock Defences merely with a wave of his right foot. When they said he was coming on, I got really excited and started telling the baby he was about to see something really special. Turns out it was the scruffy guy, who has never put three decent performances together in a row in his life, and whose club doesn't even think he's better than Salomon Bloody Kalou.
3) Milner of course simply defied my concerns about playing him on the right by putting in a shift, working hard, and CROSSING the ball. You'd think, given the fact that I was saying a few days ago that Beckham would still walk into this team on the virtue of being able to cross the ball accurately, that I would be in favour of an unflashy player who was all about product being given a try on the wing. But no, I wanted another chance for Lennon; I was wrong.
4) Defoe, a player who I cannot stand for unknown reason, always makes me look like a plum; I don't think he is a particularly useful player due to the fact that all he ever does is look to shoot. He has precious use for anything else, isn't great at pressing, never passes, can't hold the ball up ... it's very clear why he's never moved to a big club, and I don't think he's a player who can hack it at the highest level, due to his limited game. However, complaining about a player who lives to score goals whilst in my head, Gary Lineker is somewhere up there with Christ and Buddha in the pantheon seems a little bit dumb. And of course, Defoe scored. I'll probably start an online petition for him to be dropped before Germany, but fuck it, I was wrong. Again.
5) Gerrard actually did what he was told, and played an advanced midfield role, starting from the left, and came inside to join with Rooney, and made sure he defended in front of Cole. Will wonders never cease?
6) Slovenia were quite shit; England were quite good. It's clear that the confidence was absolutely shot after Green's mistake, and this went on to affect the Algeria match ... hopefully this result and performance will encourage belief amongst the players.
7) Rooney will now be even more unfit vs Germany. Yay!
Wednesday 23 June 2010
France vs South Africa
In theory I watched Brazil v Ivory Coast, but I didn't really bother with it, since I had drunk several cans of lager in the afternoon, so was left sprawled on the sofa. Brazil were alright anyway, and will take some beating in the latter stages; hopefully Holland will raise their game, but I very much doubt it.
I did watch France yesterday, since much like the first SA game, my boss was at a meeting. France were simply atrocious for the first hour, and I'd have thought most of them will be lucky to play internationally again: I don't know that I would want Evra, Abidal or Anelka back in the squad, Henry is clearly done, as is Gallas, Sagna seems to have lost a great deal from his game (did he suffer a bereavement or something?), Gourcuff has shown very little, although he didn't really need to be sent off for what he did, Gignac didn't look up to much, Cisse is nowhere near international standard, Govou is rubbish ... just about the only players to emerge with any credit are Lloris (who gave away a goal yesterday), Diaby (who was also culpable) and Ribery (who has been absurdly overrated, judging by his performances, but at least he seemed to care, and looked dangerous late in the game). Everyone else has simply looked like they don't give a fuck.
Steven Pienaar looked far better playing from the right in this game, the lad up front was fairly menacing, and Tshabalala was by far the best player on the field. Overall though, it's almost impossible to assess how well SA played, since France were so poor.
So Bafana Bafana can Bafuckoff with some credit after this last performance. They've been statistically the worst hosts of all time, although their record of one win, one draw and one defeat is the same as the US in 1994, and Japan in 2002 (is that right, or have I just made that up?), but it was good to see them end with a win, although this was more a case of France losing than anything else.
I did watch France yesterday, since much like the first SA game, my boss was at a meeting. France were simply atrocious for the first hour, and I'd have thought most of them will be lucky to play internationally again: I don't know that I would want Evra, Abidal or Anelka back in the squad, Henry is clearly done, as is Gallas, Sagna seems to have lost a great deal from his game (did he suffer a bereavement or something?), Gourcuff has shown very little, although he didn't really need to be sent off for what he did, Gignac didn't look up to much, Cisse is nowhere near international standard, Govou is rubbish ... just about the only players to emerge with any credit are Lloris (who gave away a goal yesterday), Diaby (who was also culpable) and Ribery (who has been absurdly overrated, judging by his performances, but at least he seemed to care, and looked dangerous late in the game). Everyone else has simply looked like they don't give a fuck.
Steven Pienaar looked far better playing from the right in this game, the lad up front was fairly menacing, and Tshabalala was by far the best player on the field. Overall though, it's almost impossible to assess how well SA played, since France were so poor.
So Bafana Bafana can Bafuckoff with some credit after this last performance. They've been statistically the worst hosts of all time, although their record of one win, one draw and one defeat is the same as the US in 1994, and Japan in 2002 (is that right, or have I just made that up?), but it was good to see them end with a win, although this was more a case of France losing than anything else.
Monday 21 June 2010
Italy vs New Zealand
Jesus.
Italy were fairly poor again in this game, although New Zealand's self congratulating seemed a bit harsh considering their goal was incredibly offside, and that lad hit the post with a cracking effort.
I'm still feeling Italy to get through with a squeaky win against Slovakia; they will then probably jam their way past Holland into a quarter final with Brazil, where they will simply all sit back.
It's simply a very poor Italian side: they haven't got a centre forward or a trequartista worthy of some of the names of the past, and although Pirlo, Montolivio and De Rossi could form a pretty decent midfield, the attack of Camoranesi, Di Natale and Iaquinta simply isn't going to score enough goals. They would be better off with this team than 4-4-2 with Gilardino up front with Iaquinta though; they were terrible.
As for New Zealand, they were plucky, and all credit to them for defending so stoutly, but they shouldn't get their hopes up: their chances of beating Paraguay are very slim, and a draw won't be enough, in all likelihood. I was also a little surprised that Rory Fallon was allowed to elbow quite so many Italians in the face, because I thought that was against the rules of the game.
Italy were fairly poor again in this game, although New Zealand's self congratulating seemed a bit harsh considering their goal was incredibly offside, and that lad hit the post with a cracking effort.
I'm still feeling Italy to get through with a squeaky win against Slovakia; they will then probably jam their way past Holland into a quarter final with Brazil, where they will simply all sit back.
It's simply a very poor Italian side: they haven't got a centre forward or a trequartista worthy of some of the names of the past, and although Pirlo, Montolivio and De Rossi could form a pretty decent midfield, the attack of Camoranesi, Di Natale and Iaquinta simply isn't going to score enough goals. They would be better off with this team than 4-4-2 with Gilardino up front with Iaquinta though; they were terrible.
As for New Zealand, they were plucky, and all credit to them for defending so stoutly, but they shouldn't get their hopes up: their chances of beating Paraguay are very slim, and a draw won't be enough, in all likelihood. I was also a little surprised that Rory Fallon was allowed to elbow quite so many Italians in the face, because I thought that was against the rules of the game.
Denmark vs Cameroon
Fabulous game, which I was forced to watch with a bunch of people who don't like football at all, for some reason. I was glad we got one belter at the BBQ though, and this was it.
Both teams attacked well, and could have scored three or four each. Denmark scored a couple of well taken goals; the first was probably the best of the tournament so far: Kjaer's long pass, Rommedahl's control and low ball, Bentdner arriving perfectly. Rommedahl's goal saw another great pass from Bentdner (who I rate, incidentally: he misses chances, and seems to be a bit of knob, but he scores crucial goals, and has a good touch at times) but some absolutely shit defending saw Rommedahl shown inside into five yards of space, from where the finish was simple.
Denmark will hopefully get through: they have players who know what they're doing, and I think they might yet surprise someone in the knock-out stages.
Cameroon looked spirited, but are the first team to be knocked out of the World Cup; maybe if they'd shown similar spirit vs Japan, they would have got something out of that, who knows? Emana, Etoo and even Geremi all looked dangerous at times, but they'll be no great loss.
Both teams attacked well, and could have scored three or four each. Denmark scored a couple of well taken goals; the first was probably the best of the tournament so far: Kjaer's long pass, Rommedahl's control and low ball, Bentdner arriving perfectly. Rommedahl's goal saw another great pass from Bentdner (who I rate, incidentally: he misses chances, and seems to be a bit of knob, but he scores crucial goals, and has a good touch at times) but some absolutely shit defending saw Rommedahl shown inside into five yards of space, from where the finish was simple.
Denmark will hopefully get through: they have players who know what they're doing, and I think they might yet surprise someone in the knock-out stages.
Cameroon looked spirited, but are the first team to be knocked out of the World Cup; maybe if they'd shown similar spirit vs Japan, they would have got something out of that, who knows? Emana, Etoo and even Geremi all looked dangerous at times, but they'll be no great loss.
Ghana vs Australia
My memories are becoming more and more hazy now: the Ockers scored from some terrible goalkeeping from Kingson, Ghana buried a penalty, Harry Kewell thought he might be able to complain himself out of a red card. Don't remember much else, although I think the game was decent. I liked Ghana's Annan again: hard as nails, economic passer. Exactly the sort of midfielder England needed in Barry's absence really.
I hope Ghana have done enough to get through, obviously a point with Germany seals it. They don't really have enough going forward though, despite Ayew's dribbling. Asamoah Gyan takes a good penalty, and works hard, but does little else.
I hope Ghana have done enough to get through, obviously a point with Germany seals it. They don't really have enough going forward though, despite Ayew's dribbling. Asamoah Gyan takes a good penalty, and works hard, but does little else.
Holland vs Japan
Another shitty game. We had a shitload of folks round at our gaff on Saturday, with disgusting cheap lager for each match, and badly barbecued food in the evening. Several cans of Heineken failed to enliven this dull affair: Sneijder looked to have scored a cracker until you realised it was more terrible goalkeeping, Holland should have scored a couple of late goals, Japan came close to snatching a point. Japan looked orderly, but I hope Denmark overcome them in the decider; they had more about them.
Holland don't look like a quarter final team at this stage, and might yet have a tricky game in the second round. They have a lot of attacking talent which isn't really firing yet. I was very disappointed by Van de Vaart and Van Persie, and while they have Robben to come back in, that would be a fairly fragile basket to put your eggs into.
Holland don't look like a quarter final team at this stage, and might yet have a tricky game in the second round. They have a lot of attacking talent which isn't really firing yet. I was very disappointed by Van de Vaart and Van Persie, and while they have Robben to come back in, that would be a fairly fragile basket to put your eggs into.
England vs Algeria
Oh for fuck's sake.
I was fairly pissed so didn't quite appreciate the technicalities of system etc., yet could probably bang on and on about this fucking monstrosity until the cows come home, so I'll just summarise my thoughts here:
1) Rooney was shit. I know he wants to play up-front, and fair enough, but it is quite possible to cause damage with movement from deeper lying positions, as Ozil, Donovan, Elano, half the Chile team have shown in the tournament. If Rooney is sulking over his position, he needs to get over himself. Otherwise, I'd have to suggest that he is not fit; that was as poor as I have ever seen him play.
2) Lampard was shit. I have defended Frank many times, and it is coming back to bite me on the arse with every misplaced pass or ten minutes that passes with him doing sod all. I would drop him and pick either Milner (may be outclassed, but won't hide) or Carrick (lightweight, poor form, but can PASS the ball). If he played like he does for Chelsea or in qualifying, he would be a world beater. He doesn't, and isn't, so fuck it.
3) Are they fit? I know Souness is a fucking idiot, but might he have a point with regard to altitude conditioning?
4) I fully understood the reasoning and backed the decision to select Heskey. However, since it's not working, he needs to be dropped. I guess that will be it for him; I hope people are able to remember that while he only scored eight goals for England (or whatever), one of them was the fifth in Munich, and one of them was in a World Cup knockout stage win. It may be sometime until any England player achieves that again.
5) Capello had every right to try his assymetric 4-4-2 with Gerrard coming into field and Rooney dropping off when he had his first choice players available, as I asserted last week. Given the fact that this formation was unable to cope with the fairly predictable Algerian packing of the midfield means we probably should switch the system and move to play three central midfielders. Barry and Gerrard (probably be default) stay, I would bring in Carrick and put either Milner or Joe Cole on the left wing (I'd recommend a bit more perspective on the Joe Cole issue though; he was hardly pivotal for Chelsea this year, and has disappeared in an England shirt many times. He's not fucking Messi). I might give Lennon one more chance on the right, with strict orders to stay wide. Otherwise the other of Cole and Milner would be there as well, although that would leave us pretty slow. That would leave Rooney upfront by himself, as I'm sure he would love. It's not a great team, but probably better suited to the match than the one we just finished the game with.
6) When the presiding topic of conversation about the match is that if Beckham was playing at the age of 35, you would have won, you played really fucking badly.
I was fairly pissed so didn't quite appreciate the technicalities of system etc., yet could probably bang on and on about this fucking monstrosity until the cows come home, so I'll just summarise my thoughts here:
1) Rooney was shit. I know he wants to play up-front, and fair enough, but it is quite possible to cause damage with movement from deeper lying positions, as Ozil, Donovan, Elano, half the Chile team have shown in the tournament. If Rooney is sulking over his position, he needs to get over himself. Otherwise, I'd have to suggest that he is not fit; that was as poor as I have ever seen him play.
2) Lampard was shit. I have defended Frank many times, and it is coming back to bite me on the arse with every misplaced pass or ten minutes that passes with him doing sod all. I would drop him and pick either Milner (may be outclassed, but won't hide) or Carrick (lightweight, poor form, but can PASS the ball). If he played like he does for Chelsea or in qualifying, he would be a world beater. He doesn't, and isn't, so fuck it.
3) Are they fit? I know Souness is a fucking idiot, but might he have a point with regard to altitude conditioning?
4) I fully understood the reasoning and backed the decision to select Heskey. However, since it's not working, he needs to be dropped. I guess that will be it for him; I hope people are able to remember that while he only scored eight goals for England (or whatever), one of them was the fifth in Munich, and one of them was in a World Cup knockout stage win. It may be sometime until any England player achieves that again.
5) Capello had every right to try his assymetric 4-4-2 with Gerrard coming into field and Rooney dropping off when he had his first choice players available, as I asserted last week. Given the fact that this formation was unable to cope with the fairly predictable Algerian packing of the midfield means we probably should switch the system and move to play three central midfielders. Barry and Gerrard (probably be default) stay, I would bring in Carrick and put either Milner or Joe Cole on the left wing (I'd recommend a bit more perspective on the Joe Cole issue though; he was hardly pivotal for Chelsea this year, and has disappeared in an England shirt many times. He's not fucking Messi). I might give Lennon one more chance on the right, with strict orders to stay wide. Otherwise the other of Cole and Milner would be there as well, although that would leave us pretty slow. That would leave Rooney upfront by himself, as I'm sure he would love. It's not a great team, but probably better suited to the match than the one we just finished the game with.
6) When the presiding topic of conversation about the match is that if Beckham was playing at the age of 35, you would have won, you played really fucking badly.
Slovenia vs USA
Good little game.
Slovenia looked good in the first half, with Birsa drifting infield and finding a bit of space in behind Bradley. They scored two good goals, and defended fairly stoutly. However, USA came back forcefully in the second half, and should have won late on, where they had a goal disallowed for having two players fouled in the box (apparently; it wasn't immediately obvious what else it was disallowed for).
The main point to note was that both Dempsey and Donovan looked dangerous in attack when coming from wide areas or from deeper in midfield, in complete contrast to England, for whom we are told Rooney and Gerrard simply must be played further upfield. Donovan in particular was excellent; he has developed into a serious player. Donovan seemed a bright prospet when he first came through in Japan and Korea, but initally struggled in Europe. His loan spell at Everton proved he is very capable of flourishing at the highest levels, and he scored an excellent goal here, although the keeper could obviously have done more than step behind the goal line and cower away from the ball.
Slovenia looked good in the first half, with Birsa drifting infield and finding a bit of space in behind Bradley. They scored two good goals, and defended fairly stoutly. However, USA came back forcefully in the second half, and should have won late on, where they had a goal disallowed for having two players fouled in the box (apparently; it wasn't immediately obvious what else it was disallowed for).
The main point to note was that both Dempsey and Donovan looked dangerous in attack when coming from wide areas or from deeper in midfield, in complete contrast to England, for whom we are told Rooney and Gerrard simply must be played further upfield. Donovan in particular was excellent; he has developed into a serious player. Donovan seemed a bright prospet when he first came through in Japan and Korea, but initally struggled in Europe. His loan spell at Everton proved he is very capable of flourishing at the highest levels, and he scored an excellent goal here, although the keeper could obviously have done more than step behind the goal line and cower away from the ball.
Germany vs Serbia
I watched the Thursday games on highlights, so can't really talk about them other than the fact that France looked even worse than vs Uruguay, even before all this strike nonsense.
Germany and Serbia was a fairly dramatic game that was refereed appallingly. Serbia's goal was a bit scrappy, Germany's quick movement and passing seemed far less penetrative against a deeper midfield and resolute defence, suggesting that the performance against Australia was as much to do with their failings.
Another ridiculous penalty conceeded by Serbia, and that rarity: a German missing from the spot. Podolski was, truth be told, fairly desperate all day, and Marin, who got a ton of space in the last twenty minutes, wasted several promising opportunities. Mario Gomez run of terrible cameos continued; Khedira and Schweinsteiger played well in midfield.
Serbia should get through the group now with a win against Australia. I expect the Germans to do enough to beat Ghana and get through, but they looked a shadow of the side they were in the first game, which was a shame.
At least Bastian Schweinsteiger continued to justify my praise of him: I would swap any of England's players for him at this point.
Germany and Serbia was a fairly dramatic game that was refereed appallingly. Serbia's goal was a bit scrappy, Germany's quick movement and passing seemed far less penetrative against a deeper midfield and resolute defence, suggesting that the performance against Australia was as much to do with their failings.
Another ridiculous penalty conceeded by Serbia, and that rarity: a German missing from the spot. Podolski was, truth be told, fairly desperate all day, and Marin, who got a ton of space in the last twenty minutes, wasted several promising opportunities. Mario Gomez run of terrible cameos continued; Khedira and Schweinsteiger played well in midfield.
Serbia should get through the group now with a win against Australia. I expect the Germans to do enough to beat Ghana and get through, but they looked a shadow of the side they were in the first game, which was a shame.
At least Bastian Schweinsteiger continued to justify my praise of him: I would swap any of England's players for him at this point.
Thursday 17 June 2010
dj's Team of the First Lot of Matches
I love doing a load of pointless old bollocks like this.
Howard (US); Maicon (Brazil), Friedrich (Germany), Terry (England), Lahm - yeah I know he played right back (Germany); Annan (Ghana), Schweinsteiger (Germany); Sanchez (Chile), Ozil (Germany), Tshabalala (SA); Gyan (Ghana)
Howard was good, Maicon scored that goal, I couldn't think of many centre backs, which was ironic since it's been a defensive tournament, Lahm was great at right back, but he can play on the left. Annan was great, Schweinsteiger has been my favourite player so far, Mrs dj fancied Sanchez from the twelve minutes the baby and I were watching with breakfast this morning, Ozil was great, Tshabalala scored that great goal, Gyan was the only striker I could think of who I saw score, even though he missed a sitter as well.
So there you go.
Howard (US); Maicon (Brazil), Friedrich (Germany), Terry (England), Lahm - yeah I know he played right back (Germany); Annan (Ghana), Schweinsteiger (Germany); Sanchez (Chile), Ozil (Germany), Tshabalala (SA); Gyan (Ghana)
Howard was good, Maicon scored that goal, I couldn't think of many centre backs, which was ironic since it's been a defensive tournament, Lahm was great at right back, but he can play on the left. Annan was great, Schweinsteiger has been my favourite player so far, Mrs dj fancied Sanchez from the twelve minutes the baby and I were watching with breakfast this morning, Ozil was great, Tshabalala scored that great goal, Gyan was the only striker I could think of who I saw score, even though he missed a sitter as well.
So there you go.
England vs Algeria
A little inexpert buildup, if I may.
Basically, I'll be repeating what I said the other day, after England USA, but I'm seriously baffled by the press reaction to the USA game. It was very clear that several areas were not helped by the absence of Barry: the need to protect the back four meant that Lampard and Gerrard both stayed deeper than normal, and as a result were mostly missed up front; Gerrard should have stayed tighter on Dempsey for his goal; the lack of Gerrard on the left wing made us slightly more predictable, and meant Rooney wasn't able to do his usual "wander left and link with Gerrard" stuff. It's a sign of England's weakness that missing one, somewhat pedestrian, player in the shape of Barry causes us such a severe handicap, but it did.
However, the reason that the result seems so disappointing is that England's form under Capello, predominantly in qualifying, was so good. It is the results of the team in qualifying, particularly against Croatia home and away, that gave the media, in particular, cause to believe that England have the ability to challenge for the Cup (I don't believe this, incidentally, as I stated in my very first post: I want to get to the semi-final again, then I'll be happy). So it would be ridiculous, now that the first choice team that performed so well in qualifying (and I'd probably include Upson) back together, to not even try that line-up once.
Capello doesn't trust Rooney to play at centre forward with someone off him when it comes to competitive games. He wants Rooney playing off another striker. The other striker who gets the most out of Rooney is Heskey. He also wants Gerrard to start on the left, but have a free role to move inside and link with Rooney, especially as Rooney likes to drift into the inside left channel. To balance this, he wants pace on the right wing, in the form of Lennon.
This is an established system. This is the team that Capello should (and will) play on Friday. Anything else would be a sign that he is listening too much to the press, who know nothing, and a tragedy. Hopefully his nerve will hold.
Basically, I'll be repeating what I said the other day, after England USA, but I'm seriously baffled by the press reaction to the USA game. It was very clear that several areas were not helped by the absence of Barry: the need to protect the back four meant that Lampard and Gerrard both stayed deeper than normal, and as a result were mostly missed up front; Gerrard should have stayed tighter on Dempsey for his goal; the lack of Gerrard on the left wing made us slightly more predictable, and meant Rooney wasn't able to do his usual "wander left and link with Gerrard" stuff. It's a sign of England's weakness that missing one, somewhat pedestrian, player in the shape of Barry causes us such a severe handicap, but it did.
However, the reason that the result seems so disappointing is that England's form under Capello, predominantly in qualifying, was so good. It is the results of the team in qualifying, particularly against Croatia home and away, that gave the media, in particular, cause to believe that England have the ability to challenge for the Cup (I don't believe this, incidentally, as I stated in my very first post: I want to get to the semi-final again, then I'll be happy). So it would be ridiculous, now that the first choice team that performed so well in qualifying (and I'd probably include Upson) back together, to not even try that line-up once.
Capello doesn't trust Rooney to play at centre forward with someone off him when it comes to competitive games. He wants Rooney playing off another striker. The other striker who gets the most out of Rooney is Heskey. He also wants Gerrard to start on the left, but have a free role to move inside and link with Rooney, especially as Rooney likes to drift into the inside left channel. To balance this, he wants pace on the right wing, in the form of Lennon.
This is an established system. This is the team that Capello should (and will) play on Friday. Anything else would be a sign that he is listening too much to the press, who know nothing, and a tragedy. Hopefully his nerve will hold.
Other matches
This is the first World Cup where I've had a nine to five (or thereabouts) job, so I'm probably getting to see less football than ever this year. I was in the same job during Euro 2008, but the games were at 5:00pm and 8:00pm, so you could video the first one, and watch it as live at about six when you got home. This year there are obviously two afternoon matches, and they are done by 5:00pm.
I've been setting the video religiously for the afternoon games, perhaps thinking at some point I'll just be able to sit down and watch three matches in succession despite knowing the scores. The truth is, I haven't been arsed to watch any other games at all.
Of the four afternoon games I have recorded to watch later, I have watched only one, which was Portugal and Ivory Coast, which may explain my reluctance to watch anymore. What a hateful game this was; fuck knows why the Cote D'Ivoire didn't go for it. This is easily the worst Portuguese team for 15 years, maybe longer (Paulo Futre, a gloriously one footed number 10, was probably around 15 years ago, and Danny and Liedson aren't fit to clean his boots), whereas the Ivory Coast, despite Drogba's injury, should be at their strongest with the emergence of Gervinho and Kalou seeming to have his breakthrough season in terms of consistency and productiveness.
I also watched the last ten minutes of the Spain game; I meant to watch this one all the way through, but then accidentally discovered it was 0-0 at half time. I don't like Spain with their tippy-tappy, perfect football bollocks, and Barcelona's all encompassing self-righteousness. The truth of Euro 2008 is that Spain were incredibly lucky to beat Italy, who carved out the best two chances of the match, and had the best player on the park by far in Chiellini. I took against the Spanish after that match, and have remained not a fan ever since. I am hoping and praying that Euro 2008 will prove to be a blip, and that they continue to bottle it: their defeat now could mean that they go through in second place and have to play Brazil ("the dream final"), although I suspect that results will somehow result with them on top of the group. I am hoping and praying that Chile somehow draw with Spain, and then Switzerland and Chile can recreate the Anschluss match of 1982 and play out a draw.
I've been setting the video religiously for the afternoon games, perhaps thinking at some point I'll just be able to sit down and watch three matches in succession despite knowing the scores. The truth is, I haven't been arsed to watch any other games at all.
Of the four afternoon games I have recorded to watch later, I have watched only one, which was Portugal and Ivory Coast, which may explain my reluctance to watch anymore. What a hateful game this was; fuck knows why the Cote D'Ivoire didn't go for it. This is easily the worst Portuguese team for 15 years, maybe longer (Paulo Futre, a gloriously one footed number 10, was probably around 15 years ago, and Danny and Liedson aren't fit to clean his boots), whereas the Ivory Coast, despite Drogba's injury, should be at their strongest with the emergence of Gervinho and Kalou seeming to have his breakthrough season in terms of consistency and productiveness.
I also watched the last ten minutes of the Spain game; I meant to watch this one all the way through, but then accidentally discovered it was 0-0 at half time. I don't like Spain with their tippy-tappy, perfect football bollocks, and Barcelona's all encompassing self-righteousness. The truth of Euro 2008 is that Spain were incredibly lucky to beat Italy, who carved out the best two chances of the match, and had the best player on the park by far in Chiellini. I took against the Spanish after that match, and have remained not a fan ever since. I am hoping and praying that Euro 2008 will prove to be a blip, and that they continue to bottle it: their defeat now could mean that they go through in second place and have to play Brazil ("the dream final"), although I suspect that results will somehow result with them on top of the group. I am hoping and praying that Chile somehow draw with Spain, and then Switzerland and Chile can recreate the Anschluss match of 1982 and play out a draw.
South Africa vs Uruguay
I barely watched this to be honest, I had a beer and the missus made a stirfry, I had to call my mother, it was really fucking dull and I had to feed the baby as well.
Initially I thought the first Forlan goal was pretty good; the deflection deflated the mood somewhat. Suarez did well to get the penalty, although he probably could have just scored instead. The last goal was a bit scrappy. It's fairly clear that the reason SA managed the draw with Mexico was the fact that Mexico defended a high line with slow centre backs against a very quick counter-attacking team. Uruguay's defence is far more competent, and never gave the South African's a sniff. Bafana Bafana don't have the ability to play through anyone, so with the direct ball in behind pretty much shut off, they had fuck all.
And, frankly, good: I'm a fairly modern chap, so I don't make sweeping generalisations like "I fucking hate South Africans". I am prepared to venture the statement "I fucking hate a lot of South Africans". Their unpleasant vowels. Their big fucking mouths. Their deep love for the Rainbow Nation that doesn't entirely explain why they came to London to get work in IT because of the affirmative action back home which makes it hard for them to get jobs, although the affirmative action is only necessary because your white parents, despite making up about 10% of the population, effectively enslaved the remaining 90% and still complain about how they shouldn't have stopped in the first place.
So basically, Bafana Bafuckoff. You can go back to watching your cricket team choke.
(Apologies for perhaps the least sophisticated piece of ill-thought out prejudice since Nick Griffin first realised there might be some votes in attacking all Muslims after twelve of them blew up some buildings somewhere. But I'm a very bitter man, and some saffers have very big fucking mouths).
Initially I thought the first Forlan goal was pretty good; the deflection deflated the mood somewhat. Suarez did well to get the penalty, although he probably could have just scored instead. The last goal was a bit scrappy. It's fairly clear that the reason SA managed the draw with Mexico was the fact that Mexico defended a high line with slow centre backs against a very quick counter-attacking team. Uruguay's defence is far more competent, and never gave the South African's a sniff. Bafana Bafana don't have the ability to play through anyone, so with the direct ball in behind pretty much shut off, they had fuck all.
And, frankly, good: I'm a fairly modern chap, so I don't make sweeping generalisations like "I fucking hate South Africans". I am prepared to venture the statement "I fucking hate a lot of South Africans". Their unpleasant vowels. Their big fucking mouths. Their deep love for the Rainbow Nation that doesn't entirely explain why they came to London to get work in IT because of the affirmative action back home which makes it hard for them to get jobs, although the affirmative action is only necessary because your white parents, despite making up about 10% of the population, effectively enslaved the remaining 90% and still complain about how they shouldn't have stopped in the first place.
So basically, Bafana Bafuckoff. You can go back to watching your cricket team choke.
(Apologies for perhaps the least sophisticated piece of ill-thought out prejudice since Nick Griffin first realised there might be some votes in attacking all Muslims after twelve of them blew up some buildings somewhere. But I'm a very bitter man, and some saffers have very big fucking mouths).
Brazil vs Democratic People's Republic of North Korea (is that the official title?)
A superb match.
The Chollima (or Chols, as I like to call them) of North Korea defended superbly for 54 minutes, with Brazil unable to penetrate their eight man defence. I found myself saying "come on Chols" everytime they completed a pass or tackle. The lad up front ran his arse off and outmuscled Lucio on occasion, something that was beyond Drogba a few months ago.
The best thing about the match was that Korea's late goal means that Dear Leader Kim Jong Il can very easily edit the highlights to make North Korea win! Brilliant.
Considering the predictions, the underdogs did fabulously well.
As for Brazil, they played ok. Luis Fabiano was fairly dodgy though, Kaka was a bit pedestrian, Elano is hardly in the lineage of Gerson, Rivaldo etc., and is Gilberto really the best defensive midfield player Brazil have? The defence looked pretty good apart from conceding the goal, but I have my doubts about their overall quality, frankly.
I enjoyed the game anyway, if just for the fact that North Korea made a far better fist of it then they might have done, and that they managed to reply to the two goals when they were starting to flag a bit. Good work.
It is a bit of an indictment of the quality of the tournament that this gets a Liquid Football tag though.
The Chollima (or Chols, as I like to call them) of North Korea defended superbly for 54 minutes, with Brazil unable to penetrate their eight man defence. I found myself saying "come on Chols" everytime they completed a pass or tackle. The lad up front ran his arse off and outmuscled Lucio on occasion, something that was beyond Drogba a few months ago.
The best thing about the match was that Korea's late goal means that Dear Leader Kim Jong Il can very easily edit the highlights to make North Korea win! Brilliant.
Considering the predictions, the underdogs did fabulously well.
As for Brazil, they played ok. Luis Fabiano was fairly dodgy though, Kaka was a bit pedestrian, Elano is hardly in the lineage of Gerson, Rivaldo etc., and is Gilberto really the best defensive midfield player Brazil have? The defence looked pretty good apart from conceding the goal, but I have my doubts about their overall quality, frankly.
I enjoyed the game anyway, if just for the fact that North Korea made a far better fist of it then they might have done, and that they managed to reply to the two goals when they were starting to flag a bit. Good work.
It is a bit of an indictment of the quality of the tournament that this gets a Liquid Football tag though.
Tuesday 15 June 2010
Italy vs Paraguay
Having had a stressful day, dj insisted that Mrs dj make spaghetti and bought some peroni to drink with the Italian game. I couldn't be bothered to watch the Netherlands Denmark game despite videoing it, I'm pretty glad I didn't now.
Italy have been my second team in international football ever since Italia 90. I think we went to Italy on holiday in 1989, and I discovered that I quite liked pizza after all, so I was something of a fan of the country already; to discover that they had also produced the best footballer in the whole world a year later in the form of Salvatore "Toto" Schillachi made a fan for life.
I know Italy have their shortcomings. The absurd love of playing for a 1-0. The fact that they believe the whole world is against them. The diving. Gennaro Gattuso. It may have been far better if I had become convinced that Michel of Spain was the best player in the world, and developed a love of them instead; but I didn't, I chose the Azzuri, and here we are.
It would be wrong to say that I was looking forward to last night's match. I wasn't. This is easily the worst Italian side in terms of talent that I have ever seen, with Gilardino nowhere near the standard of Schillachi, Vieri or even Inzaghi. The line of trequartistas seems to have completely dried up, although I was under the impression Di Natale would be a lock to start, having been excellent all season. Cannavaro is a shadow of the genuine all-time great he has been. So I wasn't expecting much from Italy: they would look to score first and then defend.
I also didn't expect much from Paraguay: as far as I can remember, they've been about frantic, scurrying defensive midfielders, the odd player who can pass, and resolute back fours.
So I suppose I can't complain too much about a shitty match in the rain where no-one looked like scoring apart from via a set-piece. It was fairly dull, although I thought Italy improved as the night went on, especially when they switched to 4-4-2. Whether they stick with that formation, we will wait and see.
Not a very interesting blog post this one, but then why would it be? It's about Italy and Paraguay. I have hopes for today's latter two matches though, especially seeing the Cholima in action.
Italy have been my second team in international football ever since Italia 90. I think we went to Italy on holiday in 1989, and I discovered that I quite liked pizza after all, so I was something of a fan of the country already; to discover that they had also produced the best footballer in the whole world a year later in the form of Salvatore "Toto" Schillachi made a fan for life.
I know Italy have their shortcomings. The absurd love of playing for a 1-0. The fact that they believe the whole world is against them. The diving. Gennaro Gattuso. It may have been far better if I had become convinced that Michel of Spain was the best player in the world, and developed a love of them instead; but I didn't, I chose the Azzuri, and here we are.
It would be wrong to say that I was looking forward to last night's match. I wasn't. This is easily the worst Italian side in terms of talent that I have ever seen, with Gilardino nowhere near the standard of Schillachi, Vieri or even Inzaghi. The line of trequartistas seems to have completely dried up, although I was under the impression Di Natale would be a lock to start, having been excellent all season. Cannavaro is a shadow of the genuine all-time great he has been. So I wasn't expecting much from Italy: they would look to score first and then defend.
I also didn't expect much from Paraguay: as far as I can remember, they've been about frantic, scurrying defensive midfielders, the odd player who can pass, and resolute back fours.
So I suppose I can't complain too much about a shitty match in the rain where no-one looked like scoring apart from via a set-piece. It was fairly dull, although I thought Italy improved as the night went on, especially when they switched to 4-4-2. Whether they stick with that formation, we will wait and see.
Not a very interesting blog post this one, but then why would it be? It's about Italy and Paraguay. I have hopes for today's latter two matches though, especially seeing the Cholima in action.
Monday 14 June 2010
Dr Carlos Bilardo
Chainsmoking coach of the 1986 and 1990 Argentina teams, the tactician who got the best out of Maradona and the man who credits himself with inventing the 3-5-2 formation that became so popular after 1986 (although it has it's similarities with catenaccio etc.). Bilardo came up with the best quote of the tournament thus far, after decrying Maradona's promise to streak through Buenos Aires if Argentina won the World Cup "passe":
"I say this: the player who scores our winning goal in the final is free to enter me from behind."
I can't imagine Sir Alf Ramsey's (who was probably called Harold, Sid or Len) trainer in 1966 bending over for Sir Geoff Hurst, but then 1960's Britain was a far more repressed world.
"I say this: the player who scores our winning goal in the final is free to enter me from behind."
I can't imagine Sir Alf Ramsey's (who was probably called Harold, Sid or Len) trainer in 1966 bending over for Sir Geoff Hurst, but then 1960's Britain was a far more repressed world.
A big fat wanker
dj watched 5 minutes of World Cup Live with James Corden. I was babysitting for friends who for some reason have better things to do than watch ze Germans and the Ockers, and I wanted to give Mrs dj a night off, and the chance to do some ironing.
I was going to go on at length about this program on the evidence provided, but along with the bile that this complete fucking piece of shit brought up was a more touching realisation that our's is a nation in decline. And I'm not about to turn into the Daily Mail.
There used to be a this TV show where a brilliant, epoch-defining broadcaster presided over a bunch of braying wankers in two rooms, one big one, and one small one with a big desk and seats for guests. He regularly used to shout at the wankers so they could participate, and had a mix of celebrity guests on to chat. The program wasn't perfect, but you watched it every week. It wasn't a great show, looking back, it was a bit blokey, but it made you laugh, it had great bands, and it was zeitgeisty.
There was also a show where two good comedians who knew stuff about football had celebrity guests in to talk about football in front of a crowd of braying wankers, and made amusing observations about the game. They regularly used to shout at the wankers to get them to join in. The program wasn't perfect, but you watched it every week. It wasn't a great show, it was a bit blokey, but it made you laugh, they knew about football, and it was zeigeisty.
Now there's a show where a shit comedian who knows nothing about football presides over a bunch of braying wankers in two rooms. He regularly shouts at the wankers to encourage participation and he has celebrity guests in to talk about football. The program is not perfect, in fact it's probably as far away from perfect as it could be, and if you see it, you'll want to pluck your eyes out to avoid watching it again. It's not a great show, there aren't any good bands anywhere, they know fuck all about football, the man behind it is a big fat wanker with nothing to bring to any fucking tables, and it couldn't be less zeitgeisty if it tried.
Why the fuck has anyone decided that this terrible television program should be on? And every fucking day? Depressing.
I was going to go on at length about this program on the evidence provided, but along with the bile that this complete fucking piece of shit brought up was a more touching realisation that our's is a nation in decline. And I'm not about to turn into the Daily Mail.
There used to be a this TV show where a brilliant, epoch-defining broadcaster presided over a bunch of braying wankers in two rooms, one big one, and one small one with a big desk and seats for guests. He regularly used to shout at the wankers so they could participate, and had a mix of celebrity guests on to chat. The program wasn't perfect, but you watched it every week. It wasn't a great show, looking back, it was a bit blokey, but it made you laugh, it had great bands, and it was zeitgeisty.
There was also a show where two good comedians who knew stuff about football had celebrity guests in to talk about football in front of a crowd of braying wankers, and made amusing observations about the game. They regularly used to shout at the wankers to get them to join in. The program wasn't perfect, but you watched it every week. It wasn't a great show, it was a bit blokey, but it made you laugh, they knew about football, and it was zeigeisty.
Now there's a show where a shit comedian who knows nothing about football presides over a bunch of braying wankers in two rooms. He regularly shouts at the wankers to encourage participation and he has celebrity guests in to talk about football. The program is not perfect, in fact it's probably as far away from perfect as it could be, and if you see it, you'll want to pluck your eyes out to avoid watching it again. It's not a great show, there aren't any good bands anywhere, they know fuck all about football, the man behind it is a big fat wanker with nothing to bring to any fucking tables, and it couldn't be less zeitgeisty if it tried.
Why the fuck has anyone decided that this terrible television program should be on? And every fucking day? Depressing.
Germany vs Australia
I'm an Englishman, so this was a tricky game to watch in terms of supporting anyone. In the end I quite enjoyed seeing the Ockers get a pasting.
The first thing to say is that I did Guus Hiddink a mass disservice in claiming that he was lucky in getting Australia through the first round in 2006: this match suggested that he was a miracle worker in getting this same group of players to function as a competitive unit. The Australian defence was atrocious throughout, especially the first half hour, with Ozil given unbelievable time and space in front of the back four.
Ozil looked that rarity, a bright, creative, German number 10. More used to the midfield general type in the mould of Overath, Mattheus or Ballack, Ozil makes Germany a very different proposition and will be worth following in the tournament. I very much doubt however that he will be as loosely marked again as he was last night; Annan and KP may well look to put him out of action fairly sharpish in the last group match.
The Germans were great though; Schweinsteiger dictated play from deep, Muller worked tirelessly, Lahm was great getting forward (as usual), and Klose scored a header. Khedira and Ozil both made the step-up, and for once, the Germans look like a team well worth watching.
The Ockers didn't do themselves any favours with the selection of Garcia as a lone centre forward, but they were simply outclassed. I wouldn't make too much of the absence of Cahill from their next match either; Ghana look to have too much anyway.
The first thing to say is that I did Guus Hiddink a mass disservice in claiming that he was lucky in getting Australia through the first round in 2006: this match suggested that he was a miracle worker in getting this same group of players to function as a competitive unit. The Australian defence was atrocious throughout, especially the first half hour, with Ozil given unbelievable time and space in front of the back four.
Ozil looked that rarity, a bright, creative, German number 10. More used to the midfield general type in the mould of Overath, Mattheus or Ballack, Ozil makes Germany a very different proposition and will be worth following in the tournament. I very much doubt however that he will be as loosely marked again as he was last night; Annan and KP may well look to put him out of action fairly sharpish in the last group match.
The Germans were great though; Schweinsteiger dictated play from deep, Muller worked tirelessly, Lahm was great getting forward (as usual), and Klose scored a header. Khedira and Ozil both made the step-up, and for once, the Germans look like a team well worth watching.
The Ockers didn't do themselves any favours with the selection of Garcia as a lone centre forward, but they were simply outclassed. I wouldn't make too much of the absence of Cahill from their next match either; Ghana look to have too much anyway.
Serbia vs Ghana
Ah the Black Stars of Ghana. Ghana played in two of the better matches of the first round in 2006, vs Italy and vs Czech Republic. They were similarly good to watch here: tough, committed, quick and bold. I particularly enjoyed watching Annan, a tiny little midfielder who made up in reducers what he lacked in height. He made a formidable pairing with Kevin Prince Boateng, who will be looking to add more names to his list of players he "tackled" out of the WC judging by the evidence of his two terrible tackles inside five seconds early in the game.
Ghana left out Muntari and Appiah and still had a bright midfield, with Ayew looking menacing. Whilst Asamoah Gyan destroyed my predictions of him not scoring by burying the wining penalty, he should have had a hat-trick.
Serbia were pretty dire, as I had predicted they would be. There's always an Eastern European team that are talked up out of qualifying, and disappoint when they get through: in this case, as it was 4 years ago, it is Serbia. Nikola Zigic was his usual big shitty self, and the lads on the wings who had been highly spoken of were pretty nondescript.
I enjoyed the vuvuzelas for once, since they did not seem to limit the singing and cheering: there was a decent atmosphere here, and the scenes at the end of the game were great. I enjoyed this game a lot, so it gets a Liquid Football rating.
Ghana left out Muntari and Appiah and still had a bright midfield, with Ayew looking menacing. Whilst Asamoah Gyan destroyed my predictions of him not scoring by burying the wining penalty, he should have had a hat-trick.
Serbia were pretty dire, as I had predicted they would be. There's always an Eastern European team that are talked up out of qualifying, and disappoint when they get through: in this case, as it was 4 years ago, it is Serbia. Nikola Zigic was his usual big shitty self, and the lads on the wings who had been highly spoken of were pretty nondescript.
I enjoyed the vuvuzelas for once, since they did not seem to limit the singing and cheering: there was a decent atmosphere here, and the scenes at the end of the game were great. I enjoyed this game a lot, so it gets a Liquid Football rating.
Algeria vs Slovenia
We had to go to Next yesterday, so I videoed the game, and watched it on playback. I basically ended up fast forwarding the game on 3x the speed, and was disappointed when I caught up with the recording, which meant I could not longer fast-forward the remaining twenty minutes.
What a piece of shit game. Absolutely appalling. England should just shoot all game vs Algeria and should be guaranteed a 4-0 victory. Slovenia were little better. All in all, this was terrible.
What a piece of shit game. Absolutely appalling. England should just shoot all game vs Algeria and should be guaranteed a 4-0 victory. Slovenia were little better. All in all, this was terrible.
England vs USA
Obviously the problem with everyone stopping to watch England games is that suddenly everyone has a rubbish opinion of them.
England played fairly well in patches, and should have scored at least one goal more than they did. At the other end, they stupidly gave away a goal and a decent chance. In between the two goals, England played some great stuff, switching the play quickly, and getting through seemingly at will. Once they had conceeded, they seemed a bit shellshocked, and lacking confidence, didn't have quite the same snap. They still should have scored twice in the second half.
Gerrard played reasonably well in midfield. The truth is that when he and Lampard play together, they both limit the other's effectiveness. However, a few shockers from Lampard aside, they both passed the ball reasonably well, and were solid defensively. I return to my post some weeks ago to reiterate that whilst they were far from ideal, England made the right selection here simply because Gerrard playing in a conventional central midfield role is still better than any of the other options (Carrick, Milner, would have been King I suppose). When Barry is back, he slots in with Lamps.
And then the second issue, aside from the keeper (I said four times before the game on Saturday that Green was guaranteed one mistake a match, and that if you picked him, you just had to hope that it wouldn't cost a goal: so apologies for my doubtless jinxing, but I would blame the fact that Green is not a top class keeper, and never will be) is the attack. Heskey had a manful game, tustling ceaselessly, excellent in the air and creating a fair bit of space. He also missed a cracking chance at 1-1. And this game pretty much sums up what England will get from the Hesk. The problem on Saturday was more the fact that Heskey's brave, selfless front running is supposed to create space for Rooney, and Rooney was reasonably quiet, aside from some decent touches and one shot.
The option being put forward by many is that whilst Heskey's target man play is very honourable, his inability to finish simple chances has deteriorated massively, and he should therefore be binned off to allow Rooney to play as the lone frontman, with Gerrard behind, allowing both to play where they do for their clubs, and maybe bringing Joe Cole onto the left. I am quite sure that Capello doesn't do this for the simple reason that he feels that Rooney does not have the temperament to take the sort of battering that Heskey did on Saturday, and that if he does, he will snap and plant his studs in someones nether regions, or unleash a torrent of swearing, etc. etc. etc.
It's a tricky decision (England can't afford to miss chances like Heskey did on Saturday, but yet also can't afford a dismissal to Rooney). I would probably say that against Algeria, we have to select the attacking unit that demolished Croatia at home, and give them a chance, which means Heskey up front, Gerrard with a free role from the left, cutting inside and allowing Ashley Cole to overlap, Gerrard interchanging with Rooney from the hole, with one ensuring they defend the left midfield channel, pace from Johnson and Lennon on the right, and Lampard free to get forward from midfield with Barry holding. Any enthusiasm that has built up around England is from the attacking performances of this unit, and it would be silly to not give them a chance in a reasonably straight forward match with Algeria.
The USA were fairly manful, if limited and lucky. They probably don't have a striker likely enough to score many goals, with most of their potency in Dempsey and Donovan cutting in from the wings, and it will be interesting to see if they can beat Slovenia. Bradley looked a decent scrapper in midfield, I thought. They were fucking lucky though.
England played fairly well in patches, and should have scored at least one goal more than they did. At the other end, they stupidly gave away a goal and a decent chance. In between the two goals, England played some great stuff, switching the play quickly, and getting through seemingly at will. Once they had conceeded, they seemed a bit shellshocked, and lacking confidence, didn't have quite the same snap. They still should have scored twice in the second half.
Gerrard played reasonably well in midfield. The truth is that when he and Lampard play together, they both limit the other's effectiveness. However, a few shockers from Lampard aside, they both passed the ball reasonably well, and were solid defensively. I return to my post some weeks ago to reiterate that whilst they were far from ideal, England made the right selection here simply because Gerrard playing in a conventional central midfield role is still better than any of the other options (Carrick, Milner, would have been King I suppose). When Barry is back, he slots in with Lamps.
And then the second issue, aside from the keeper (I said four times before the game on Saturday that Green was guaranteed one mistake a match, and that if you picked him, you just had to hope that it wouldn't cost a goal: so apologies for my doubtless jinxing, but I would blame the fact that Green is not a top class keeper, and never will be) is the attack. Heskey had a manful game, tustling ceaselessly, excellent in the air and creating a fair bit of space. He also missed a cracking chance at 1-1. And this game pretty much sums up what England will get from the Hesk. The problem on Saturday was more the fact that Heskey's brave, selfless front running is supposed to create space for Rooney, and Rooney was reasonably quiet, aside from some decent touches and one shot.
The option being put forward by many is that whilst Heskey's target man play is very honourable, his inability to finish simple chances has deteriorated massively, and he should therefore be binned off to allow Rooney to play as the lone frontman, with Gerrard behind, allowing both to play where they do for their clubs, and maybe bringing Joe Cole onto the left. I am quite sure that Capello doesn't do this for the simple reason that he feels that Rooney does not have the temperament to take the sort of battering that Heskey did on Saturday, and that if he does, he will snap and plant his studs in someones nether regions, or unleash a torrent of swearing, etc. etc. etc.
It's a tricky decision (England can't afford to miss chances like Heskey did on Saturday, but yet also can't afford a dismissal to Rooney). I would probably say that against Algeria, we have to select the attacking unit that demolished Croatia at home, and give them a chance, which means Heskey up front, Gerrard with a free role from the left, cutting inside and allowing Ashley Cole to overlap, Gerrard interchanging with Rooney from the hole, with one ensuring they defend the left midfield channel, pace from Johnson and Lennon on the right, and Lampard free to get forward from midfield with Barry holding. Any enthusiasm that has built up around England is from the attacking performances of this unit, and it would be silly to not give them a chance in a reasonably straight forward match with Algeria.
The USA were fairly manful, if limited and lucky. They probably don't have a striker likely enough to score many goals, with most of their potency in Dempsey and Donovan cutting in from the wings, and it will be interesting to see if they can beat Slovenia. Bradley looked a decent scrapper in midfield, I thought. They were fucking lucky though.
Argentina vs Nigeria
Perhaps the match most affected by me drinking thus far.
We gathered to watch the latter two matches at my parents' house on Saturday: such affairs normally turn into a day at the nursery with my 2 year old nephew and 5 month old dj junior the centre of attention, but despite dj junior managing to dribble so much on his new England kit that he looked like he had a Vieira style amount of decongestent smeared on his chest, beer, grilled meat and football remained the centre of attention.
I watched the whole game, but don't really remember much about it. I wanted to see more of Di Maria, who was a bit peripheral. Messi did well, but should have scored a couple of his easier chances. Presumably once they reach the knockout stage, Gutierrez will be replaced with Burdisso, given his ability to play at right back. Argentina should have won by several more, but Martins looked pretty good, and Nigeria shouldn't lose heart with regard to getting through; their key match will be with South Korea.
Higuain's miss from Messi's run was a bit of a shocker obviously, but some of Messi's silky running was a joy to watch, and I got the impression that Mascherano had a fine game.
We gathered to watch the latter two matches at my parents' house on Saturday: such affairs normally turn into a day at the nursery with my 2 year old nephew and 5 month old dj junior the centre of attention, but despite dj junior managing to dribble so much on his new England kit that he looked like he had a Vieira style amount of decongestent smeared on his chest, beer, grilled meat and football remained the centre of attention.
I watched the whole game, but don't really remember much about it. I wanted to see more of Di Maria, who was a bit peripheral. Messi did well, but should have scored a couple of his easier chances. Presumably once they reach the knockout stage, Gutierrez will be replaced with Burdisso, given his ability to play at right back. Argentina should have won by several more, but Martins looked pretty good, and Nigeria shouldn't lose heart with regard to getting through; their key match will be with South Korea.
Higuain's miss from Messi's run was a bit of a shocker obviously, but some of Messi's silky running was a joy to watch, and I got the impression that Mascherano had a fine game.
South Korea vs Greece
An enjoyable lunch-time romp that I watched after an arduous 45 minutes in the garden trimming the hedge. South Korea were fluid and adventurous, and fantastic on the break, when four or five come charging through on the angle. They did well enough overall to earn a Liquid Football tag. The lad from Bolton was decent on the wing, and the Celtic midfielder Kim Song Yeung (or something) was solid.
Greece on the other hand were royally shit, and deservedly kept up their record of being the World Cup's worst ever team. Their entire approach (diagonal ball to Charisteas on the back stick) was incredibly dull. And yes, I did enjoy their win at Euro 2004, as they upset one side after another. But that was because there's nothing wrong with a shit team managing to scrap it's way against better teams. When you are the better team (and if you have Euro Championship medals in your locker, you should be), you need to offer something. Greece were terrible, and I hope they get further stuffings from Nigeria and the Argies.
Greece on the other hand were royally shit, and deservedly kept up their record of being the World Cup's worst ever team. Their entire approach (diagonal ball to Charisteas on the back stick) was incredibly dull. And yes, I did enjoy their win at Euro 2004, as they upset one side after another. But that was because there's nothing wrong with a shit team managing to scrap it's way against better teams. When you are the better team (and if you have Euro Championship medals in your locker, you should be), you need to offer something. Greece were terrible, and I hope they get further stuffings from Nigeria and the Argies.
France 0 Uruguay 0
An absolute abortion of a match given the teams on paper. Uruguay have nailed shut the prospects of me ever looking forward to seeing them play; it is clearly in their nature to be dour and rely on individual skills. Forlan should have scored in the second half, Suarez was, as predicted, a failure. It's almost as if the world's pundits are completely blind to the successive failures of forwards who are prolific in Holland to score goals anywhere else: Kuyt, Huntelaar, Kezman .... and now Suarez.
France were even worse; despite a bright opening from Ribery, Govou, Evra and Diaby, they got worse as the game went on, and their tactical approach seems bizarre. Apparently there has been some small system switches from 4-2-3-1 to 4-3-3, but the system will be completely irrelevant if the French do not manage to inject some pace to their play. While they kept and switched the ball reasonably well, you could count the number of times they actually changed the pace on two fingers: once when Ribery got one-on-one, fortuitouosly beat his man and laid a sitter on for Govou, and once when Evra beat two challenges, and was fouled.
Hopefully the French will labour to a draw with Mexico (who will probably test them a great deal more than Uruguay, yet be more profligate), and then lose to the vuvuzelas. Either way, this match was a load of old bollocks.
France were even worse; despite a bright opening from Ribery, Govou, Evra and Diaby, they got worse as the game went on, and their tactical approach seems bizarre. Apparently there has been some small system switches from 4-2-3-1 to 4-3-3, but the system will be completely irrelevant if the French do not manage to inject some pace to their play. While they kept and switched the ball reasonably well, you could count the number of times they actually changed the pace on two fingers: once when Ribery got one-on-one, fortuitouosly beat his man and laid a sitter on for Govou, and once when Evra beat two challenges, and was fouled.
Hopefully the French will labour to a draw with Mexico (who will probably test them a great deal more than Uruguay, yet be more profligate), and then lose to the vuvuzelas. Either way, this match was a load of old bollocks.
Friday 11 June 2010
Opening match: SA 1 Mexico 1
Obviously off to a flyer with my predictions. Decent game.
Great hit by Shabbawalla or whatever his name was. Equally shit defending from South Africa to concede the equaliser. SA looked much better when they pressed harder in the second half, and shut down the Mexican right.
But of course, the main topic of the match is the fucking vuvuzelas. I'm obviously all in favour of exuberance, and it's great that South Africa is so excited about the tournament, but could you not fucking chant instead of that incessant droning? I just hope the vuvufuckingzelas are only played at SA matches, and don't tarnish every fucking day. I get enough droning in the ear from the missus, I don't need it from forty thousand plastic fucking trumpets.
The tournament got off to a good start though. Even Drury wasn't a complete cretin today; I was glad it was him and not Tyldo, who would have tried to say something incredibly meaningful about the poignant opening goal and simply sounded like a vapid, annoying cunt, as always.
Great hit by Shabbawalla or whatever his name was. Equally shit defending from South Africa to concede the equaliser. SA looked much better when they pressed harder in the second half, and shut down the Mexican right.
But of course, the main topic of the match is the fucking vuvuzelas. I'm obviously all in favour of exuberance, and it's great that South Africa is so excited about the tournament, but could you not fucking chant instead of that incessant droning? I just hope the vuvufuckingzelas are only played at SA matches, and don't tarnish every fucking day. I get enough droning in the ear from the missus, I don't need it from forty thousand plastic fucking trumpets.
The tournament got off to a good start though. Even Drury wasn't a complete cretin today; I was glad it was him and not Tyldo, who would have tried to say something incredibly meaningful about the poignant opening goal and simply sounded like a vapid, annoying cunt, as always.
Great World Cup Moments #11
Because I need to have XI really. Because there's, like, eleven players in a football team. But these are done after this one, because History is now being made, or something equally fucking poignant.
There follows a very boring story that interlinks very vaguely with today's Moment
This girl came to stay with one of my Uni friends in 2002, on the Saturday before the England - Sweden game. She was pale and ginger, about 17 although she looked older, and pretty fit. I would have fucked her, of course, but then I would have fucked virtually anyone in 2002 (I of course actually fucked no-one; although I made one fat girl very happy in late August, and then literally didn't say a word to her the following day; most undj-like). In the morning I had watched Ireland vs Cameroon with two beers (purchased at half-time at 8:15: my buddy had just finished a night shift, I had merely woken up), then enjoyed Denmark vs Uruguay (a genuine screamer from Dario Rodriguez, I won't link though, you can just look it up yourself, although no Recoba at all) and Germany vs Saudi Arabia (hilarious). I then went round to my other mates' house, and we went to the park for beers, then a pub. No-one had any weed. Some people, including this girl, went to a club, the rest of us bemoaned our lack of weed, until Dougie, a genial Scot, finally brought round about an eighth and everyone could stop clucking. This girl came back from the club about 4, and told everyone how much she liked football, and how she was looking forward to the game between England and Sweden the next day.
After two hours sleep (sometimes I wish I was still young), I woke up to watch Argentina vs Nigeria, to find everyone had for some reason gone out and stolen a canoe. I took the opportunity to further grill this girl about football. She went to Highbury with her brother she said, quite often, about ten times in this Double winning season. Her favourite player was Ljungberg, although she liked Henry obviously. So far so good. She then became insistent that Ljungberg had been passed fit for the match that day. Now you probably don't remember, but there was this big ongoing will he, won't he story about Ljungberg playing, but it was pretty well established that he wouldn't play (I might have this wrong, it might be that she was insistent he wouldn't play, and we knew he would. I don' t fucking remember, we used to pill to help us wake up).
Anyway, she was wrong, as we found out when we got to the pub. I then questioned her further about Arsenal. She was no true fan; she had no real understanding of the game, and you could tell that she fancied Ljungberg (Ha! Barking up the wrong tree there, love), rather than loved his ability to ghost on the wrong side of defenders like some sort of post-punk Martin Peters (Ljungberg was such a fantastic player between 2000 and 2004. He attained absolute mastery of timing runs from midfield to score, peaked in big games, had a technique that would have functioned on the continent and worked his bollocks off. I just wish he was English).
The bubble had burst with this girl anyway, and I will never forget the lesson. As the girl went home to recover, and everyone enjoyed Spain vs Slovenia with a big bag of weed, I reflected that Women Never Know As Much About Football As They Think They Do. Even when it looks like they do, they don't.
And so to sum up this absurd piece of misogyny, this is what happens when Women try to play football.
That's the end of the Moment barrel scraping, for which I'm sure we'll all say Huzzah.
There follows a very boring story that interlinks very vaguely with today's Moment
This girl came to stay with one of my Uni friends in 2002, on the Saturday before the England - Sweden game. She was pale and ginger, about 17 although she looked older, and pretty fit. I would have fucked her, of course, but then I would have fucked virtually anyone in 2002 (I of course actually fucked no-one; although I made one fat girl very happy in late August, and then literally didn't say a word to her the following day; most undj-like). In the morning I had watched Ireland vs Cameroon with two beers (purchased at half-time at 8:15: my buddy had just finished a night shift, I had merely woken up), then enjoyed Denmark vs Uruguay (a genuine screamer from Dario Rodriguez, I won't link though, you can just look it up yourself, although no Recoba at all) and Germany vs Saudi Arabia (hilarious). I then went round to my other mates' house, and we went to the park for beers, then a pub. No-one had any weed. Some people, including this girl, went to a club, the rest of us bemoaned our lack of weed, until Dougie, a genial Scot, finally brought round about an eighth and everyone could stop clucking. This girl came back from the club about 4, and told everyone how much she liked football, and how she was looking forward to the game between England and Sweden the next day.
After two hours sleep (sometimes I wish I was still young), I woke up to watch Argentina vs Nigeria, to find everyone had for some reason gone out and stolen a canoe. I took the opportunity to further grill this girl about football. She went to Highbury with her brother she said, quite often, about ten times in this Double winning season. Her favourite player was Ljungberg, although she liked Henry obviously. So far so good. She then became insistent that Ljungberg had been passed fit for the match that day. Now you probably don't remember, but there was this big ongoing will he, won't he story about Ljungberg playing, but it was pretty well established that he wouldn't play (I might have this wrong, it might be that she was insistent he wouldn't play, and we knew he would. I don' t fucking remember, we used to pill to help us wake up).
Anyway, she was wrong, as we found out when we got to the pub. I then questioned her further about Arsenal. She was no true fan; she had no real understanding of the game, and you could tell that she fancied Ljungberg (Ha! Barking up the wrong tree there, love), rather than loved his ability to ghost on the wrong side of defenders like some sort of post-punk Martin Peters (Ljungberg was such a fantastic player between 2000 and 2004. He attained absolute mastery of timing runs from midfield to score, peaked in big games, had a technique that would have functioned on the continent and worked his bollocks off. I just wish he was English).
The bubble had burst with this girl anyway, and I will never forget the lesson. As the girl went home to recover, and everyone enjoyed Spain vs Slovenia with a big bag of weed, I reflected that Women Never Know As Much About Football As They Think They Do. Even when it looks like they do, they don't.
And so to sum up this absurd piece of misogyny, this is what happens when Women try to play football.
That's the end of the Moment barrel scraping, for which I'm sure we'll all say Huzzah.
Thursday 10 June 2010
Great World Cup Moments #10
A personal favourite with this one in Alessandro Del Piero's goal against Germany in 2006.
Ultimately, Del Piero cannot be judged as a world class player, despite being an all-time Italian league and Juventus legend. He flattered to deceive in too many tournaments, always seemed to be carrying an injury, always had a rival for his favoured trequartista role, and he seemed to be declining from far too early in his career (I think he must have peaked at about 21). Yet it seemed almost tragic coming into almost certainly his last World Cup in 2006 that his principal international achievement was missing two golden chances when through on goal in the inside left channel in the Euro 2000 final.
So it is heartening that Del Piero can instead look on a similar chance in a similar massive match and know that this time, he absolutely buried it. I'm sure that I speak for anyone whose parents neglected to get Sky in the 90s and instead grew up with James Richardson in saying "golaccio". And then people thinking that you just said "Go Lazio".
By the way, I never check these links, so I hope they work. I'm hoping for some sort of prize, frankly, for the Most Banal Linking seen on a blog in 2010. I think it's the fact you could so easily just go to youtube and search for them yourself, given that it's always really obvious what the link is. I suppose I'm saving you time. Eventually I'll link to steakncheese.com just for the surprise I think.
We're nearly finished for these Moments now, I might do one more if I can think of it, I think it's the 11th by then. Or maybe some Shit moments if I can think of any of them either, although they'll all just be the ball looping of Parker's heel. Again, and again. Just like in my dreams.
Ultimately, Del Piero cannot be judged as a world class player, despite being an all-time Italian league and Juventus legend. He flattered to deceive in too many tournaments, always seemed to be carrying an injury, always had a rival for his favoured trequartista role, and he seemed to be declining from far too early in his career (I think he must have peaked at about 21). Yet it seemed almost tragic coming into almost certainly his last World Cup in 2006 that his principal international achievement was missing two golden chances when through on goal in the inside left channel in the Euro 2000 final.
So it is heartening that Del Piero can instead look on a similar chance in a similar massive match and know that this time, he absolutely buried it. I'm sure that I speak for anyone whose parents neglected to get Sky in the 90s and instead grew up with James Richardson in saying "golaccio". And then people thinking that you just said "Go Lazio".
By the way, I never check these links, so I hope they work. I'm hoping for some sort of prize, frankly, for the Most Banal Linking seen on a blog in 2010. I think it's the fact you could so easily just go to youtube and search for them yourself, given that it's always really obvious what the link is. I suppose I'm saving you time. Eventually I'll link to steakncheese.com just for the surprise I think.
We're nearly finished for these Moments now, I might do one more if I can think of it, I think it's the 11th by then. Or maybe some Shit moments if I can think of any of them either, although they'll all just be the ball looping of Parker's heel. Again, and again. Just like in my dreams.
Predictions
I'll not be posting over the weekend, and am sloping off early tomorrow to watch the opening ceremony, so here are my predictions for the first eight fixtures.
SA vs Mexico
As much as I would enjoy South Africa to get off to a great start (tournaments are improved by a strong host nation), I think Mexico will end up stealing this one. They take an early lead, SA equalise in the second half but Mexico go on to win 2-1
France vs Uruguay
France are traditionally slow starters, Uruguay have won one world cup match since 1970, and that was against South Korea in the last minute. A draw here, and probably a fucking dire one, despite the fact that the match will feature attackers of the calibre of Ribery, Forlan, Anelka, Suarez and Gourcuff (Alvaro Recoba should still be playing as well really, but I imagine he just snorts coke off prozzies nowadays: one of the tragedies of 21st century football). We'll say 0-0, but it might be 1-1
Greece vs South Korea
I was delighted that Greece won Euro 2004, principally because it seemed fairly surreal, and the fact that they beat France and Portugal twice. But if they are anything like they were at Euro 2008, I will be hoping they lose three times. Theofanis Gekas has again managed to score plenty of goals in qualifying: fuck knows how, he was similarly talked up two years ago and proceeded to play like Michael Ricketts. South Korea are always a decent watch; if stereotypes are anything to go by, they will run like the wind, press hard and hope to flick a way through the Greek's slumbering defences, although they may be underpowered in the air. I'll go for 1-0 South Korea out of hope more than expectation. We're going to my parents' for a barbecue for this one, with food from all the day's matches. Hot Dogs indeed.
Argentina vs Nigeria
Argentina will be fairly dull, I reckon, relying on the magic of Messi and Di Maria for penetration. They and Higuain will presumably have too much for Nigeria (and everyone to the quarter final probably), but the fact that they Gabi Heinze will apparently line up at left-back might allow the Nigerians to score a consolation. I am rather hoping that Seba Veron gives a Valderama style masterclass of passing and game management in central midfield, to make some ammends for his disastrous time in England (which is underrated, to be fair), but I doubt it will work later in the tournament. Nigeria may select Olofinjana and Kanu in central midfield though, so this might be Veron's big game. 3-1, Messi will score.
England vs USA
8-0. ROAR. Next.
Slovenia vs Algeria
Is this the first match that dj will miss, allowing his missus to finally watch Thursday's episode of The Good Wife (dj will obviously watch as well; Julianna Margulies is an all time Would Smash)? No. dj is going to be a right cunt at the weekends, not even allowing his baby to watch CBeebies. Slovenia will probably sneak a win, Algeria are supposed to be utterly shite. 1-0
Ghana vs Serbia
Really looking forward to this one; should be the game of the weekend. Ghana will be lacking Absolute Rapist and Midfield Colossus Michael Essien, but Kevin Prince Boateng can at least fulfil the studs up part of his midfield role, if not the drive and hammer right boot. Appiah has been injured for about four years, and may not be the same metronomic passer of four years ago (when he barely misplaced a single pass in the group stage), Muntari seems to have been fairly exposed since his move to Inter, and although Asamoah Gyan is coming off a pretty good year in France, I would be amazed if he scored a goal of any sort here. Serbia have a resolute defence with Ivanovic (who has quietly come one of the best defenders in the Premiership) and Vidic, and are quietly tipped. There have to be matches where the African teams utilise the conditions and the home support though, and I reckon this will be one of them. Ghana will win 2-0 I think.
Germany vs Australia
This is being talked about as Germany's worst team for a while, although I wonder if this talking is being done by anyone who watched Germany play in Euro 2000 or especially Euro 2004, where they were absolutely fucking awful. The absence of Ballack will not help their chances, but Schweinisteiger's new brio as a midfield general will help ease the burden. I'm in two minds about the Ockers: They have Timmy Cahill, which is good (I have a deep seated love of football that involves crosses, knockdowns and lung-busting midfielders; Cahill is all about this style of play, and is not adverse to the rough stuff), but they have Harry Kewell (who will apparently play as a lone centre forward; which would frankly be the most baffling decision of all time, although you'd have said that about Totti at Roma under Spalletti, and that worked), who is a bit of cunt, frankly. I think Australia were lucky to get out of their group four years ago (although heaven forbid I imply that Hiddink is not the absolute best manager ever), will probably finish bottom of the rather challenging group D, and will lose comfortably here. 2-0 sounds about right. I really hope Mario Gomez gets one of them, but probably he won't.
I am hoping to have got one score right, and four results. I won't though, they'll all be wrong. Except for England. Heskey hat-trick. Bosh.
SA vs Mexico
As much as I would enjoy South Africa to get off to a great start (tournaments are improved by a strong host nation), I think Mexico will end up stealing this one. They take an early lead, SA equalise in the second half but Mexico go on to win 2-1
France vs Uruguay
France are traditionally slow starters, Uruguay have won one world cup match since 1970, and that was against South Korea in the last minute. A draw here, and probably a fucking dire one, despite the fact that the match will feature attackers of the calibre of Ribery, Forlan, Anelka, Suarez and Gourcuff (Alvaro Recoba should still be playing as well really, but I imagine he just snorts coke off prozzies nowadays: one of the tragedies of 21st century football). We'll say 0-0, but it might be 1-1
Greece vs South Korea
I was delighted that Greece won Euro 2004, principally because it seemed fairly surreal, and the fact that they beat France and Portugal twice. But if they are anything like they were at Euro 2008, I will be hoping they lose three times. Theofanis Gekas has again managed to score plenty of goals in qualifying: fuck knows how, he was similarly talked up two years ago and proceeded to play like Michael Ricketts. South Korea are always a decent watch; if stereotypes are anything to go by, they will run like the wind, press hard and hope to flick a way through the Greek's slumbering defences, although they may be underpowered in the air. I'll go for 1-0 South Korea out of hope more than expectation. We're going to my parents' for a barbecue for this one, with food from all the day's matches. Hot Dogs indeed.
Argentina vs Nigeria
Argentina will be fairly dull, I reckon, relying on the magic of Messi and Di Maria for penetration. They and Higuain will presumably have too much for Nigeria (and everyone to the quarter final probably), but the fact that they Gabi Heinze will apparently line up at left-back might allow the Nigerians to score a consolation. I am rather hoping that Seba Veron gives a Valderama style masterclass of passing and game management in central midfield, to make some ammends for his disastrous time in England (which is underrated, to be fair), but I doubt it will work later in the tournament. Nigeria may select Olofinjana and Kanu in central midfield though, so this might be Veron's big game. 3-1, Messi will score.
England vs USA
8-0. ROAR. Next.
Slovenia vs Algeria
Is this the first match that dj will miss, allowing his missus to finally watch Thursday's episode of The Good Wife (dj will obviously watch as well; Julianna Margulies is an all time Would Smash)? No. dj is going to be a right cunt at the weekends, not even allowing his baby to watch CBeebies. Slovenia will probably sneak a win, Algeria are supposed to be utterly shite. 1-0
Ghana vs Serbia
Really looking forward to this one; should be the game of the weekend. Ghana will be lacking Absolute Rapist and Midfield Colossus Michael Essien, but Kevin Prince Boateng can at least fulfil the studs up part of his midfield role, if not the drive and hammer right boot. Appiah has been injured for about four years, and may not be the same metronomic passer of four years ago (when he barely misplaced a single pass in the group stage), Muntari seems to have been fairly exposed since his move to Inter, and although Asamoah Gyan is coming off a pretty good year in France, I would be amazed if he scored a goal of any sort here. Serbia have a resolute defence with Ivanovic (who has quietly come one of the best defenders in the Premiership) and Vidic, and are quietly tipped. There have to be matches where the African teams utilise the conditions and the home support though, and I reckon this will be one of them. Ghana will win 2-0 I think.
Germany vs Australia
This is being talked about as Germany's worst team for a while, although I wonder if this talking is being done by anyone who watched Germany play in Euro 2000 or especially Euro 2004, where they were absolutely fucking awful. The absence of Ballack will not help their chances, but Schweinisteiger's new brio as a midfield general will help ease the burden. I'm in two minds about the Ockers: They have Timmy Cahill, which is good (I have a deep seated love of football that involves crosses, knockdowns and lung-busting midfielders; Cahill is all about this style of play, and is not adverse to the rough stuff), but they have Harry Kewell (who will apparently play as a lone centre forward; which would frankly be the most baffling decision of all time, although you'd have said that about Totti at Roma under Spalletti, and that worked), who is a bit of cunt, frankly. I think Australia were lucky to get out of their group four years ago (although heaven forbid I imply that Hiddink is not the absolute best manager ever), will probably finish bottom of the rather challenging group D, and will lose comfortably here. 2-0 sounds about right. I really hope Mario Gomez gets one of them, but probably he won't.
I am hoping to have got one score right, and four results. I won't though, they'll all be wrong. Except for England. Heskey hat-trick. Bosh.
Wednesday 9 June 2010
Great World Cup Moments #9
Bit of a weak one this, but there you go.
Rijkaard. Voller.
I got sent to bed after this in 1990; I think my mum didn't want me to watch all the spitting. My dad again seemed to enjoy it though (I think Italia 90 was probably the last time my dad was bothered about football really; he has feigned disinterest ever since). Obviously this always gets played on terrible World Cup clip shows, and people mock Voller's terrible bubble perm and tache. The truth is: Voller is German. What the fuck were you expecting him to look like at the end of the 1980s? Plus whenever anyone looks through their family photos, all the ones taken in the 1980s look like the 1970s, the ones from the 1990s look like the 1980s etc.
When I eventually got to see Frank Rijkaard play in Euro 1992 and on Football Italia it became even more of a shame that he went completely bat-shit crazy and repeatedly spat at Rudi Voller. Rijkaard was a fucking brilliant footballer, one of the finest in his, or indeed any, position of the last 25 years. Equally at home in either penalty box, a dominating defensive midfielder or a "cultured" centre back. A hard bastard who looked like he'd been dragged through a hedge, who made a useful habit of excelling in European cup finals.
I came to quite like Rudi Voller by the end of his career as well. He replaced Papin surprisingly well at Marseille, up front with a young Allen Boksic, and then had a blinding match against Belgium at USA 94, linking up superbly with Klinsi. I always thought it was rather harsh that Voller was dismissed in this match, principally for the crime of being spat at, being pushed, and having his foot trodden on. I don't actually remember Voller doing anything, and it's still not especially clear exactly what he was sent off for.
Like I say, not a good pick, but only two more to go and then we can actually focus on matches and stuff.
Rijkaard. Voller.
I got sent to bed after this in 1990; I think my mum didn't want me to watch all the spitting. My dad again seemed to enjoy it though (I think Italia 90 was probably the last time my dad was bothered about football really; he has feigned disinterest ever since). Obviously this always gets played on terrible World Cup clip shows, and people mock Voller's terrible bubble perm and tache. The truth is: Voller is German. What the fuck were you expecting him to look like at the end of the 1980s? Plus whenever anyone looks through their family photos, all the ones taken in the 1980s look like the 1970s, the ones from the 1990s look like the 1980s etc.
When I eventually got to see Frank Rijkaard play in Euro 1992 and on Football Italia it became even more of a shame that he went completely bat-shit crazy and repeatedly spat at Rudi Voller. Rijkaard was a fucking brilliant footballer, one of the finest in his, or indeed any, position of the last 25 years. Equally at home in either penalty box, a dominating defensive midfielder or a "cultured" centre back. A hard bastard who looked like he'd been dragged through a hedge, who made a useful habit of excelling in European cup finals.
I came to quite like Rudi Voller by the end of his career as well. He replaced Papin surprisingly well at Marseille, up front with a young Allen Boksic, and then had a blinding match against Belgium at USA 94, linking up superbly with Klinsi. I always thought it was rather harsh that Voller was dismissed in this match, principally for the crime of being spat at, being pushed, and having his foot trodden on. I don't actually remember Voller doing anything, and it's still not especially clear exactly what he was sent off for.
Like I say, not a good pick, but only two more to go and then we can actually focus on matches and stuff.
Tuesday 8 June 2010
Football on TV
It's effectively shit isn't it?
Apparently there is some level of excitement for Adrian Chiles making his big tournament bow for ITV, although quite why this functional everyman is heralded as some sort of saviour is a mystery to me. Chiles is a decent TV pro, but is hardly memorable. The fact is that Chiles' main virtue is the fact that his presence does not instantly make you reach for the mute button, make you desperately turn over to watch adverts on another channel, or start tweeting bitterly about how much of a cunt he is, unlike virtually every other man currently working in televised football industry in Britain. It hardly seems a story to make the front pages of the tabs, but it somehow did a month or so back.
Sir Gary Lineker is of course Chiles main competition over on Auntie. Lineker is oft-maligned by some; my own position is fairly simple. Gary Lineker scored the most important goal of my football life (and probably the second and third most important as well). It will take more than ten years of shitty vanilla broadcasting to use up my goodwill towards him: simply put, Lineker is still a legend in my book, so despite his terrible puns, permatan, bland opinions and matey banter, he remains my anchor of choice. The back-up anchors (Jake Humphries on BBC1, Matt Smith on ITV) are decent enough;I retain a fondness for Smith ever since the Monday Premiership, and Humphries did well with the last few Superbowls, so will be welcomed chez dj. Most of all, whoever Gaby Logan works for (I forget), will be thoroughly welcomed: knows the game, and Would Smash.
It all becomes a bit more difficult after that. The pundits, for example, are mostly a long list of cretinous wankers you wouldn't piss on if they were on fire. Alan Hansen peaked at around the same time as S Club 7 (Euro 2000/Reach respectively), and should have fucked off about the same time, instead of leaning back and muttering the same thin-lipped bollocks about "pace, penetration, power". Alan Shearer has nothing to offer the viewer, aside from the contents of his trousers. Shearer, despite being a marvellous centre forward, somehow has not been as fortunate as Lineker in retaining any of my goodwill: he is perhaps the biggest cunt out of the whole bunch. Lee Dixon is fairly vapid, although inoffensive, and perhaps offers the most insight out of these three. I am usually a fan of Martin Keown on MOTD2, and hope that he might make an appearance. O Neill is ok, Strachan is fantastic if he turns up.
Over on Channel 3, Andy Townsend and Robbie Earle are, if possible, somehow even worse than Hansen and Shearer. Townsend is fairly passable on the radio when I've heard him on Talksport, but seems embarrassingly vapid on TV, utilising only cliches. Townsend seems to be aiming to be a more informal Shearer, so he will say nothing of interest, but do it in a vaguely matey, colloquial way: fuck you, Andy. I do like Gareth Southgate though, and have ever since he first came through as a player. He's a better pundit than he was a manager, and should stick to that role if possible. Actually, I doubt he'll get much choice.
The commentators and co-commentators are, of course, when the real cunts come out to play. Clive Fucking Tyldsley is perhaps the biggest among these. A man who believes that the fact that Brian Moore (Rest In Peace With Shitloads Of Beautiful Women And Fine Wine) happened to retire a year before United won the European Cup in the second biggest trophy robbery of the last twenty years and therefore that he, by default, was commentating when Sheringham and Solskjaer scored means that he has to mention it every fucking time he has a microphone in front of him. Let's get one or two things straight, Clive. You were commentating on two momentous evenings in European football, but you contributed very little to them. If anything, your contribution was a negative one, in that people were forced to turn off your commentary and listen to the radio, or simply watch the match in silence. You add nothing to the occasion, no analysis, no insight, no weight, no gravitas, merely an unbelievably irritating desire to make everything feel like a massive occasion. You never say anything to help the viewer understand better what is going on in front of him. You are merely a self-important prick, who is incompetent at your job, who believes himself to be part of football's rich history. Well you're not, Clive. The truth is this: Everyone fucking hates you, you massive fucking wanker.
Ahem.
Peter Drury is ITV's other commentator. The situation with Drury is somewhat simpler: he doesn't have the same belief in his own importance, but he is somehow a less competent commentator than Tyldsley, adding somehow even less explanation or insight to the occasion. Somehow, Tyldsley and Drury have achieved an remarkable feat: each one makes you simultaneously relieved that it is them who is commentating, not that other twat, but also wish that it was the other one, because this one is so shit. A remarkable vicious circle that will make the mute button the most used in the dj house over the next few weeks.
Since Motty has finally fucked off (thank you God), BBC have nothing like the level of irritation in the commentary box; Jonathan Pearce is nothing special, but at least he doesn't bring the same approach to matches he used to on Capital Gold: every fucking day they would play an edit of Three Lions with Pearce's absurd bellowing over the top: "Ready Steady Teddy" and "A, L, Super Al, Super Alan Shearer" For Fucks Sake. Thank fuck he has now toned it down a bit.
Like the commentators, there is precious little talent in the co-commentator department either. Jim Beglin seems to have deteriorated massively in terms of his analysis over the last 15 years, to the point that I'm sure that his wife wonders if he is coming down with pre-senile dementia; look out for him if he is commentating on African teams, because this is a man to whom every black player is identical, if his attempts to identify Sulley Muntari when Inter met Barca are anything to go by. David Pleat is equally witless; incapable of pronouncing names, and with one of the most annoying voices you can imagine: like the boy in your class at school who loved trains. It's a shame, because he's solid in print, and capable of giving insight (I sound like a fucking parrot with that, but you wonder why it seems that so few people in the industry have grasped that their job is to help the viewer at home understand what they are watching, and if they can't do that, either because they are so dull that they have nothing to say (Graeme Le Saux) or genuinely possess a subnormal IQ (Ian Wright), they should simply fuck off).
Lest it appear that I am being too harsh on ITV, the Beeb's Mark Lawrenson is of course the biggest cunt in the Co-Commentator class. Lawro appears to have had all his humour and joie de vivre sucked out by Shearer's promotion to the first choice couch with Hansen and Lineker. Yet still he continues to crack terrible jokes. Needless to say, he has a complete inability to add anything that gives the viewer or listener added insight to the game (again).
I'm frankly sick of all these cunts already, and I've not had to watch one game thus far, so we'll leave it there, I think.
Apparently there is some level of excitement for Adrian Chiles making his big tournament bow for ITV, although quite why this functional everyman is heralded as some sort of saviour is a mystery to me. Chiles is a decent TV pro, but is hardly memorable. The fact is that Chiles' main virtue is the fact that his presence does not instantly make you reach for the mute button, make you desperately turn over to watch adverts on another channel, or start tweeting bitterly about how much of a cunt he is, unlike virtually every other man currently working in televised football industry in Britain. It hardly seems a story to make the front pages of the tabs, but it somehow did a month or so back.
Sir Gary Lineker is of course Chiles main competition over on Auntie. Lineker is oft-maligned by some; my own position is fairly simple. Gary Lineker scored the most important goal of my football life (and probably the second and third most important as well). It will take more than ten years of shitty vanilla broadcasting to use up my goodwill towards him: simply put, Lineker is still a legend in my book, so despite his terrible puns, permatan, bland opinions and matey banter, he remains my anchor of choice. The back-up anchors (Jake Humphries on BBC1, Matt Smith on ITV) are decent enough;I retain a fondness for Smith ever since the Monday Premiership, and Humphries did well with the last few Superbowls, so will be welcomed chez dj. Most of all, whoever Gaby Logan works for (I forget), will be thoroughly welcomed: knows the game, and Would Smash.
It all becomes a bit more difficult after that. The pundits, for example, are mostly a long list of cretinous wankers you wouldn't piss on if they were on fire. Alan Hansen peaked at around the same time as S Club 7 (Euro 2000/Reach respectively), and should have fucked off about the same time, instead of leaning back and muttering the same thin-lipped bollocks about "pace, penetration, power". Alan Shearer has nothing to offer the viewer, aside from the contents of his trousers. Shearer, despite being a marvellous centre forward, somehow has not been as fortunate as Lineker in retaining any of my goodwill: he is perhaps the biggest cunt out of the whole bunch. Lee Dixon is fairly vapid, although inoffensive, and perhaps offers the most insight out of these three. I am usually a fan of Martin Keown on MOTD2, and hope that he might make an appearance. O Neill is ok, Strachan is fantastic if he turns up.
Over on Channel 3, Andy Townsend and Robbie Earle are, if possible, somehow even worse than Hansen and Shearer. Townsend is fairly passable on the radio when I've heard him on Talksport, but seems embarrassingly vapid on TV, utilising only cliches. Townsend seems to be aiming to be a more informal Shearer, so he will say nothing of interest, but do it in a vaguely matey, colloquial way: fuck you, Andy. I do like Gareth Southgate though, and have ever since he first came through as a player. He's a better pundit than he was a manager, and should stick to that role if possible. Actually, I doubt he'll get much choice.
The commentators and co-commentators are, of course, when the real cunts come out to play. Clive Fucking Tyldsley is perhaps the biggest among these. A man who believes that the fact that Brian Moore (Rest In Peace With Shitloads Of Beautiful Women And Fine Wine) happened to retire a year before United won the European Cup in the second biggest trophy robbery of the last twenty years and therefore that he, by default, was commentating when Sheringham and Solskjaer scored means that he has to mention it every fucking time he has a microphone in front of him. Let's get one or two things straight, Clive. You were commentating on two momentous evenings in European football, but you contributed very little to them. If anything, your contribution was a negative one, in that people were forced to turn off your commentary and listen to the radio, or simply watch the match in silence. You add nothing to the occasion, no analysis, no insight, no weight, no gravitas, merely an unbelievably irritating desire to make everything feel like a massive occasion. You never say anything to help the viewer understand better what is going on in front of him. You are merely a self-important prick, who is incompetent at your job, who believes himself to be part of football's rich history. Well you're not, Clive. The truth is this: Everyone fucking hates you, you massive fucking wanker.
Ahem.
Peter Drury is ITV's other commentator. The situation with Drury is somewhat simpler: he doesn't have the same belief in his own importance, but he is somehow a less competent commentator than Tyldsley, adding somehow even less explanation or insight to the occasion. Somehow, Tyldsley and Drury have achieved an remarkable feat: each one makes you simultaneously relieved that it is them who is commentating, not that other twat, but also wish that it was the other one, because this one is so shit. A remarkable vicious circle that will make the mute button the most used in the dj house over the next few weeks.
Since Motty has finally fucked off (thank you God), BBC have nothing like the level of irritation in the commentary box; Jonathan Pearce is nothing special, but at least he doesn't bring the same approach to matches he used to on Capital Gold: every fucking day they would play an edit of Three Lions with Pearce's absurd bellowing over the top: "Ready Steady Teddy" and "A, L, Super Al, Super Alan Shearer" For Fucks Sake. Thank fuck he has now toned it down a bit.
Like the commentators, there is precious little talent in the co-commentator department either. Jim Beglin seems to have deteriorated massively in terms of his analysis over the last 15 years, to the point that I'm sure that his wife wonders if he is coming down with pre-senile dementia; look out for him if he is commentating on African teams, because this is a man to whom every black player is identical, if his attempts to identify Sulley Muntari when Inter met Barca are anything to go by. David Pleat is equally witless; incapable of pronouncing names, and with one of the most annoying voices you can imagine: like the boy in your class at school who loved trains. It's a shame, because he's solid in print, and capable of giving insight (I sound like a fucking parrot with that, but you wonder why it seems that so few people in the industry have grasped that their job is to help the viewer at home understand what they are watching, and if they can't do that, either because they are so dull that they have nothing to say (Graeme Le Saux) or genuinely possess a subnormal IQ (Ian Wright), they should simply fuck off).
Lest it appear that I am being too harsh on ITV, the Beeb's Mark Lawrenson is of course the biggest cunt in the Co-Commentator class. Lawro appears to have had all his humour and joie de vivre sucked out by Shearer's promotion to the first choice couch with Hansen and Lineker. Yet still he continues to crack terrible jokes. Needless to say, he has a complete inability to add anything that gives the viewer or listener added insight to the game (again).
I'm frankly sick of all these cunts already, and I've not had to watch one game thus far, so we'll leave it there, I think.
Great World Cup Moments #8
Since these memories seem to become mostly fouls and other acts of gamesmanship, I suppose it's time for some "proper" football.
This goal by Cambiasso ranks somewhere with Milan's second in the 1994 Champions League final as the best goals of this sort (long passing movements involving every outfield player) I have ever seen. Obviously, this goal required technique, vision and patience, and although it is taken as a 24 pass move, the end of the movement, which is where it actually becomes dangerous is more like a series of quick 1-2s involving Saviola and Riquelme and then Cambiasso and Crespo. This goal is like the encapsulation of the kind of football that Argentina, Spain and of course the neutral's darlings Barcelona seek to play: dominating possession, keeping the ball on the deck, switching play, diagonal dribbles. This kind of aesthetic seems very popular, Barcelona have become everyone's second team, and it's fairly hard to claim that you don't want to see football played by skilful players, passing the ball to one another in order to create space and score goals.
However, I can't help but compare it unfavourably to this sort of team goal, scored a year later by a player equally as annoying as Cambiasso himself. And the reason is this: you cannot watch this kind of football whilst slightly drunk.
I spent a lot of afternoons drinking during the 2006 World Cup (actually, scratch the words "the", "World" and "Cup" from that sentence); this was one of them. I recall this game, and I enjoyed it, principally because it's always great to see a proper battering in the World Cup (I even enjoyed Germany vs Saudi Arabia in 2002 at the time). But I do not remember realising how long the passage of play was until they showed it in full at half time, and told me that there were 24 passes involved. Sure, the last five passes to make a chance were great, and enthralling. But it is simply not possible to quickly drink three or four cans of premium lager and be expected to pay attention every time a team starts passing the ball methodically to each other around the team, just in case they end up, 20 passes later, with a man free in the penalty area.
Football watched by men drinking beer needs to be quick and to the point. Which, to be fair to them, Argentina understood, judging by this effort two games later. Much better: ball launched into the box, chest down clearance, kibosh. Not much chance of drifiting off during that one. A far superior goal.
This goal by Cambiasso ranks somewhere with Milan's second in the 1994 Champions League final as the best goals of this sort (long passing movements involving every outfield player) I have ever seen. Obviously, this goal required technique, vision and patience, and although it is taken as a 24 pass move, the end of the movement, which is where it actually becomes dangerous is more like a series of quick 1-2s involving Saviola and Riquelme and then Cambiasso and Crespo. This goal is like the encapsulation of the kind of football that Argentina, Spain and of course the neutral's darlings Barcelona seek to play: dominating possession, keeping the ball on the deck, switching play, diagonal dribbles. This kind of aesthetic seems very popular, Barcelona have become everyone's second team, and it's fairly hard to claim that you don't want to see football played by skilful players, passing the ball to one another in order to create space and score goals.
However, I can't help but compare it unfavourably to this sort of team goal, scored a year later by a player equally as annoying as Cambiasso himself. And the reason is this: you cannot watch this kind of football whilst slightly drunk.
I spent a lot of afternoons drinking during the 2006 World Cup (actually, scratch the words "the", "World" and "Cup" from that sentence); this was one of them. I recall this game, and I enjoyed it, principally because it's always great to see a proper battering in the World Cup (I even enjoyed Germany vs Saudi Arabia in 2002 at the time). But I do not remember realising how long the passage of play was until they showed it in full at half time, and told me that there were 24 passes involved. Sure, the last five passes to make a chance were great, and enthralling. But it is simply not possible to quickly drink three or four cans of premium lager and be expected to pay attention every time a team starts passing the ball methodically to each other around the team, just in case they end up, 20 passes later, with a man free in the penalty area.
Football watched by men drinking beer needs to be quick and to the point. Which, to be fair to them, Argentina understood, judging by this effort two games later. Much better: ball launched into the box, chest down clearance, kibosh. Not much chance of drifiting off during that one. A far superior goal.
Books
If you're anything like me (selfish lover, terrible workshy employee, incredibly lazy, chronic masturbator), you don't read many books because you'd rather watch TV or write a rubbish blog about the World Cup, and the books you do read are probably either ones you read before (because you don't like new challenges) or factual books about things like football or serial killers (because you are basically a repressed child who can only express his emotions through football and also have this morbid interest into Peter Sutcliffe). You're basically not much of human being. Anyway, if you are like that, and you want to know some good football books to read, here you are:
All Played Out, by Pete Davies. It's about England at the 1990 World Cup. Apparently it's a great read for anyone, but especially if, like me, you were a fan converted at Italia 90.
Why England Lose, by Simon Kuper and some other guy. It's trying to use economics and statistics to analyze football. It's probably a load of bollocks, but a good read nonetheless.
The Glory Game, by Hunter Davies. It follows Spurs through the 1971-2, which makes it difficult to read, because anyone in their right mind absolutely fucking hates Spurs with a passion. Davies got more insight than anyone else into how footballer's live their lives, apparently. It has fuck all relevance to modern footballers though, despite what anyone might try to claim. It's very highly regarded as one of the better books about football ever written. It's not though, All Played Out absolutely rapes it.
Brilliant Orange, by David Winner. It's actually a bit shit, this one. Incredibly pretentious book about Dutch football, Cruyff, Bergkamp etc. Full of grandiose shit about architecture as well though. Skim it, and then pretend you read it and that you love the Dutch for their history, rather than because they have orange shirts which really stood out in your first World Cup.
Inverting The Pyramid, by Jonathan Wilson. I was thrown off the Guardian website for claiming that I had a sexual relationship with the author of this book. Wilson basically wrote a book about the history of football tactics. It's easier to read than that sounds, and quite a good read, but the pretension of the idea pisses me off. Also, Wilson has rehashed chapters of this book as monthly posts on the Guardian website, giving them relevance by referring to current events; then a bunch of sycophants too stupid to think for themselves fawn over the blog and congratulate themselves for knowing more about football than the average man in the street because they use expressions like False Nine and Regista. Wankers.
So there you go. It's like the Times Literary Supplement in this post.
All Played Out, by Pete Davies. It's about England at the 1990 World Cup. Apparently it's a great read for anyone, but especially if, like me, you were a fan converted at Italia 90.
Why England Lose, by Simon Kuper and some other guy. It's trying to use economics and statistics to analyze football. It's probably a load of bollocks, but a good read nonetheless.
The Glory Game, by Hunter Davies. It follows Spurs through the 1971-2, which makes it difficult to read, because anyone in their right mind absolutely fucking hates Spurs with a passion. Davies got more insight than anyone else into how footballer's live their lives, apparently. It has fuck all relevance to modern footballers though, despite what anyone might try to claim. It's very highly regarded as one of the better books about football ever written. It's not though, All Played Out absolutely rapes it.
Brilliant Orange, by David Winner. It's actually a bit shit, this one. Incredibly pretentious book about Dutch football, Cruyff, Bergkamp etc. Full of grandiose shit about architecture as well though. Skim it, and then pretend you read it and that you love the Dutch for their history, rather than because they have orange shirts which really stood out in your first World Cup.
Inverting The Pyramid, by Jonathan Wilson. I was thrown off the Guardian website for claiming that I had a sexual relationship with the author of this book. Wilson basically wrote a book about the history of football tactics. It's easier to read than that sounds, and quite a good read, but the pretension of the idea pisses me off. Also, Wilson has rehashed chapters of this book as monthly posts on the Guardian website, giving them relevance by referring to current events; then a bunch of sycophants too stupid to think for themselves fawn over the blog and congratulate themselves for knowing more about football than the average man in the street because they use expressions like False Nine and Regista. Wankers.
So there you go. It's like the Times Literary Supplement in this post.
Monday 7 June 2010
Penalty shoot-outs
It's actually very fucking simple, England have just never learned the lessons. And it's been staring us all right in the face for a long time.
England have lost five times in penalty shoot-outs, as we all know already. During that time, no fewer than ten players have missed. However, only one of these players has ever then taken a penalty again. He actually took two more. And he scored.
Other famous penalty shoot-out misses? Maradona vs Yugoslavia, 1990 (see Great World Cup Moments #1). What did he do? Take another one against Italy, at a vital moment (Italy had just missed a kick, through Donadoni). What did he do? Put it the same way and score.
Another one? Roberto Baggio. Misses in 1994 in USA, scores in 1998 vs France.
What Stuart Pearce shows us is that the only way to get the monkey off your back is to volunteer to take another one, bury it, and then roar like a lion.
If England go to penalties this year, they'll have no fewer than three players with penalty demons to exorcise: Lamps, Stevie G and Carra. Add Terry for his disappointing miss in Moscow. Rooney will take one, and score, because he's, you know, genuinely a world class player. And that's five out of five. Make sure to bring on Rob Green before the shoot-out (I guess he has the best saving record out the three keepers, although I could be wrong?), and we win. You still have Ashley Cole, Defoe and Barry if we need regular takers for sudden death. Stuart Pearce himself is on hand to do absolutely fuck all: he can spend an hour a day teaching players to celebrate defiantly after scoring.
Simple. Or should I say, Simples (No, I fucking shouldn't).
England have lost five times in penalty shoot-outs, as we all know already. During that time, no fewer than ten players have missed. However, only one of these players has ever then taken a penalty again. He actually took two more. And he scored.
Other famous penalty shoot-out misses? Maradona vs Yugoslavia, 1990 (see Great World Cup Moments #1). What did he do? Take another one against Italy, at a vital moment (Italy had just missed a kick, through Donadoni). What did he do? Put it the same way and score.
Another one? Roberto Baggio. Misses in 1994 in USA, scores in 1998 vs France.
What Stuart Pearce shows us is that the only way to get the monkey off your back is to volunteer to take another one, bury it, and then roar like a lion.
If England go to penalties this year, they'll have no fewer than three players with penalty demons to exorcise: Lamps, Stevie G and Carra. Add Terry for his disappointing miss in Moscow. Rooney will take one, and score, because he's, you know, genuinely a world class player. And that's five out of five. Make sure to bring on Rob Green before the shoot-out (I guess he has the best saving record out the three keepers, although I could be wrong?), and we win. You still have Ashley Cole, Defoe and Barry if we need regular takers for sudden death. Stuart Pearce himself is on hand to do absolutely fuck all: he can spend an hour a day teaching players to celebrate defiantly after scoring.
Simple. Or should I say, Simples (No, I fucking shouldn't).
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