The wonders of being able to schedule posts means that I was able to write up a whole bunch of predictable world cup memories and schedule one a day. I then had the misfortune of watching World Cup Shocking Talking Head Bollocks and Great World Cup Talking Head Bollocks which I had HDDed over the weekend, and discovered that it must have looked like I simply lifted all of my material from there, even down to my astute observations, making me look like the footballing equivalent of Michael McUntyre: the everyman whose mundane observations make a bunch of fucking simpletons feel warm and glowing because they could have thought of them (Simple rule for what constitutes good stand-up comedy: if I could make the same joke, you're shit. This rule makes McUntyre the worst fucking comedian ever).
That aside, the main news from the weekend was that France managed to lose to China. All of these friendly results have to be taken with a pinch of salt of course (players are apparently training to reach peak fitness at the start of the World Cup, so it is unsurprising that they look sluggish in warm-ups is the official creed), but still: France lost to China, who according to the Guardian, were missing several first choice players, like the lad who came to Everton so they could be sponsored by a Chinese beer, that lad who was at United for years but didn't even play when he got farmed out to Antwerp, and (probably) that long haired chap who liked to play in central defence for Palace, but couldn't head the ball or tackle.
France's woes are fairly well publicised, and I haven't watched them play since the play-offs, so my opinion won't count for much, but they are in a curious position in the tournament in that their group is at once tricky and yet not that tricky: whilst France cannot be confident about winning any of their matches given present form and South Africa's home advantage, neither Uruguay nor Mexico seem especially imposing. If France can win the group, their draw to the semi final (Greece, South Korea or Nigeria; one of England, USA, Serbia, Ghana or Australia) is about as good as you could hope for.
The overall conclusion to draw from the fact that a French team boasting Ribery, Evra, Abidal, Lloris, Gourcuff, Anelka and declining forces in Henry and Gallas are not even fancied to get out of their group by some pundits can only lead to the conclusion that the old theory that Zidane was picking and running the team between his return in 2005 and his exit in 2006 is true, and that Domenech truly is as hapless a manager as it appeared at Euro 2008. Put Capello at the helm of the French, and one feels the outlook would be somewhat more positive.
The other news is that Drogba is injured but will probably play with some sort of sling in Ivory Coast's first two matches, before the two bookings he gets rules him out their third. I have rarely seen Drogba reach his Chelsea form for Ivory Coast, and he often suffers from the same fate as Samuel Etoo when playing for Cameroon: trying to do everything. Drogba's performance vs Argentina in 2006 summed this up, as his frantic attempts to pull his team back into the match extended to taking throw ins and trying to style himself as a playmaker. Unsurprisingly, Ivory Coast looked far more effective when he played as a centre forward, and scored in the match. Personally, I'm merely hoping he is fit enough to play against Brazil, so we can enjoy more of Didier battling against Lucio: two great technical players who can outmuscle virtually any opponent when they want whose gut instinct is to fling themselves to ground as often as possible. Can't wait.
Arjen Robben's injury is not news, however; the real news would have been if Robben had been able fit to play in more than two of Halland's five matches. What is certain, and this is a Rafa Benitez Guarantee, is that Robben will be fit enough to play a part in Holland's second round match with (whoever that is against, I haven't memorised the whole fucking wall-chart. The runners up of Italy's group? Slovakia?), and play well and probably score, but then come the quarter final with Brazil, he will be up the ladder. You can take that prediction to the bank.
Ledley King is apparently first choice in line to replace Crocked Captain Rio (I thought I'd better research this column at notw.co.uk). JT, Ledders, Upson, Dawson and best of all, Carra. Whilst they all have their undeniable qualities (least not "being able to foul opponents in the area without a penalty being given" in the case of the former and especially latter), Turning Around Quickly is not in any of their lockers. But fuck all that, World Cups are not won with negative thinking: Come On England.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
In other weekend news, I found myself getting into the patriotic spirit on saturday until I heard that James Corden and Dizzee Rascal England song.
Now I'm seriously considering buying an Argentina shirt.
Corden is approaching Moyles levels of cuntdom.
I received a text shortly after the song was on Britain's Got Talent (winners: remarkable gay dwarves, in case you didn't see it) stating it to be the equal to Three Lions.
I did not agree.
I then had the misfortune of seeing irritating fat cunt Corden again on Soccer Aid, which I rather enjoyed, principally because Jonathan Wilkes, a jack-of-all-trades mostly "famous" for being Robbie Williams best mate, gave a rock-solid performance at centre half, doing a decent man-marking job on Henrik Larsson and burying his penalty with aplomb.
I find myself rather enjoying these occasions, where Zidane effortlessly waltzes into the box and gets tackled by Ben Shepherd from GMTV.
I really hate Jonathan Wilkes, he did a half decent job but he was just a bit TOO into the match. M8 calm down, no one is taking this as seriously as you.
Best bit was when Ando from Heroes took a throw in from a corner. Legendary shit.
Olly Murs looked tidy.
Wilkes defended better than Nicky Butt, who was at fault for the first World XI goal. I wouldn't comment except Nicky Butt is a current footballer who is about to play next season in the Premier League, and who got cut to ribbons by the faggot who does most of the singing from Westlife.
England are beating Plattinum Stars 3-0. What a game that must be.
Do people say faggot when they're making lightly homophobic banter anymore? Or is it more a "hatecrime" sort of word?
Substitute "homo" for "faggot" above if so.
I think 'fag' is the politically correct term now.
Post a Comment