1) I'm not going to watch this game obviously; however I have watched the build-up with a detatched amusement.
2) Capello has made a valiant attempt to bring in some fresh blood to the squad and freshen it up. However, the selection is quite strange. Exactly how did Peter Crouch and Jermaine Defoe play themselves out of the squad? Defoe scored one goal in two starts at the World Cup. Crouch didn't get a sniff. What has Carlton Cole done to come back into the set-up at Crouch's expense? Likewise Bent and Defoe?
The real selection area that I would question is in central midfield. 4-2-3-1 was THE formation at the World Cup, with almost every team setting up approximately like this. England's formation was supposed to be 4-2-3-1, but they switched to something more approximate to a diamond against Slovenia and Germany. Watching Barry get overrun by Ozil, Muller, Schweinsteiger and Khedira surely shows that the defensive midfield area is the one that England need to develop. Yet the squad is completely devoid of players capable of playing in the "double pivot", excluding Barry.
3) Capello's comment to the press that he doesn't know how he is going to motivate the players after the WC debacle was bizarre. Surely this is the man's job? Part of the reason England were so feted in the first place was Capello's ability to rebuild the confidence of players that had been shattered by their failures under McClaren. Now he himself admits he is unable to motivate them?
4) England will win of course. I imagine that Rooney will score. Wiltshire may even make a sparkling cameo (although has there ever been a more transparent attempt to look progressive? Wiltshire has done absolutely nothing to earn his place in the squad; surely Matthew Taylor or Fabrice Muamba are more deserving based on evidence). But there is a real sense that the England team at this stage is made up of fantastic club players who have not cut it internationally, and now never will due to the mental scars of repeated failure, journeymen who will never quite reach the top level, and callow youth who have done very little to back up the claims made on their behalf. Basically, England stink.
Showing posts with label Ingerland. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ingerland. Show all posts
Wednesday, 11 August 2010
Monday, 12 July 2010
Awards and all that bollocks
Player of the Tournament
Bastian Schweinsteiger (Germany)
Bastian was pretty much the best central midfielder on show here, and would have improved almost any side at the tournament. Even against Spain, where he was outmatched by Xavi, Xabi and Iniesta, he still raged brilliantly against the dying of the light, getting stuck in and almost waging a one man war at times. His performances against Australia, England and Argentina were superb, especially the latter. A great tournament for a young man who initially promised sporadically as a winger, and now seems completely at home in central midfield.
The runners up were Iniesta, who got better as the tournament went on and deserved to score the winner in the final, and obviously Forlan, who was immense for Uruguay.
Young player of the tournament
Thomas Mueller (Germany)
Could have been either Meuller or Oezil here, Mueller just gets the nod. He looked fairly average to me in the Champions League, but here was exceptional attacking from the right. Decent technique, direct, a good finisher, a good worker and great off the ball movement made Mueller a key part of the German counter-attacking machine.
Runners-up: Oezil, who should have a great future; De Wiel, who I though defended pretty well, and did a decent job on Iniesta 'til he started coming inside a bit more.
Game of the Tournament
England vs Germany
Whilst not in any sense enjoyable at the time, aside from a certain masochistic amusement when the fourth goal went in, this game was by far the best in the tournament: calamitous defending, controversial decisions, great goals, and it should finally send the message to English fans that we are second tier. Perhaps the only disappointment about the game is that Lampard's goal wasn't allowed to stand: a 6-2 defeat might have been even more extraordinary.
Runners up: there aren't many to choose from, really. Urugay vs Ghana was fairly epic, Argentina vs Germany was like England vs Germany without the emotional attachment or drama, Uruguay vs Holland was dramatic but fairly low quality ... the last twenty minutes of Slovakia vs Italy were great.
Goal of the tournament
Fuck it, due to the BBC's bizarre omission of it from their goal of the tournament, it was Bendtner vs Cameroon: a precise howitzer pass from Kjaer, perfect first touch from Rommedahl, a brilliant low cross, finish by the underrated Bendtner (I know he usually looks shit, but the lad's shaping up to be a genuine clutch player at times).
Runners-up: Luis Fabiano vs Chile, where a lovely Kaka pass sent him through, Tevez vs Mexico, a bomb of a shot.
Biggest Disappointment
I don't think Italy or France's campaigns were that unexpected, frankly; so the biggest disappointment must be the form of Wayne Rooney. I have harboured the belief that Rooney's injury at the end of March and too-soon return to action majorly affected his form and led to his terrible performances, but I think some analysis of his ability to cope with the pressure of being England's key man is too much for him is probably necessary; he seemed to shrink under the pressure of hype that he would be capable of leading England to the final or somewhere near. I find the gripes that Rooney should have been played in a lone centre forward role to get the best out of him hilarious at this point: Rooney's touch and feel for the ball and his fitness level were highly questionable, and would probably have been exposed even more as a lone centre forward. Frankly, he was poor, and whilst I'm sure a few good games for United will have the media raving again, I don't know that I will forget this in a hurry.
Team of the Tournament
Obviously this isn't going to be a team with the eleven best players of this tournament in, I'm far too biased against Spain for that ...
Casillas (Spain); Lahm (Germany), Puyol (Spain), Lucio (Brazil). Coentrao (Portugal); Annan (Ghana), Schweinsteiger (Germany); Mueller (Germany), Iniesta (Spain), Villa (Spain); Forlan (Uruguay)
Subs: Eduardo (Portugal), Ramos (Spain), Friedrich (Germany), Van Bronckhorst (Holland), Xavi (Spain), Boateng (Ghana), Ozil (Germany), Sneijder (Holland), Robben (Holland), Suarez (Uruguay), Honda (Japan)
Casillas was wonderful in the knockout stages, Lahm just creeps ahead of Ramos, Lucio survives despite Brazil's capitulation to Holland, Coentrao looks one to watch, I loved Annan and Schweinsteiger, and kept banging on about them. Mueller and Forlan are obvious picks who need no explaining. Villa looked an absolute star playing from the left, and to be honest, Spain should have kept him there throughout the latter stages, and might not have needed extra time in the final.
Bastian Schweinsteiger (Germany)
Bastian was pretty much the best central midfielder on show here, and would have improved almost any side at the tournament. Even against Spain, where he was outmatched by Xavi, Xabi and Iniesta, he still raged brilliantly against the dying of the light, getting stuck in and almost waging a one man war at times. His performances against Australia, England and Argentina were superb, especially the latter. A great tournament for a young man who initially promised sporadically as a winger, and now seems completely at home in central midfield.
The runners up were Iniesta, who got better as the tournament went on and deserved to score the winner in the final, and obviously Forlan, who was immense for Uruguay.
Young player of the tournament
Thomas Mueller (Germany)
Could have been either Meuller or Oezil here, Mueller just gets the nod. He looked fairly average to me in the Champions League, but here was exceptional attacking from the right. Decent technique, direct, a good finisher, a good worker and great off the ball movement made Mueller a key part of the German counter-attacking machine.
Runners-up: Oezil, who should have a great future; De Wiel, who I though defended pretty well, and did a decent job on Iniesta 'til he started coming inside a bit more.
Game of the Tournament
England vs Germany
Whilst not in any sense enjoyable at the time, aside from a certain masochistic amusement when the fourth goal went in, this game was by far the best in the tournament: calamitous defending, controversial decisions, great goals, and it should finally send the message to English fans that we are second tier. Perhaps the only disappointment about the game is that Lampard's goal wasn't allowed to stand: a 6-2 defeat might have been even more extraordinary.
Runners up: there aren't many to choose from, really. Urugay vs Ghana was fairly epic, Argentina vs Germany was like England vs Germany without the emotional attachment or drama, Uruguay vs Holland was dramatic but fairly low quality ... the last twenty minutes of Slovakia vs Italy were great.
Goal of the tournament
Fuck it, due to the BBC's bizarre omission of it from their goal of the tournament, it was Bendtner vs Cameroon: a precise howitzer pass from Kjaer, perfect first touch from Rommedahl, a brilliant low cross, finish by the underrated Bendtner (I know he usually looks shit, but the lad's shaping up to be a genuine clutch player at times).
Runners-up: Luis Fabiano vs Chile, where a lovely Kaka pass sent him through, Tevez vs Mexico, a bomb of a shot.
Biggest Disappointment
I don't think Italy or France's campaigns were that unexpected, frankly; so the biggest disappointment must be the form of Wayne Rooney. I have harboured the belief that Rooney's injury at the end of March and too-soon return to action majorly affected his form and led to his terrible performances, but I think some analysis of his ability to cope with the pressure of being England's key man is too much for him is probably necessary; he seemed to shrink under the pressure of hype that he would be capable of leading England to the final or somewhere near. I find the gripes that Rooney should have been played in a lone centre forward role to get the best out of him hilarious at this point: Rooney's touch and feel for the ball and his fitness level were highly questionable, and would probably have been exposed even more as a lone centre forward. Frankly, he was poor, and whilst I'm sure a few good games for United will have the media raving again, I don't know that I will forget this in a hurry.
Team of the Tournament
Obviously this isn't going to be a team with the eleven best players of this tournament in, I'm far too biased against Spain for that ...
Casillas (Spain); Lahm (Germany), Puyol (Spain), Lucio (Brazil). Coentrao (Portugal); Annan (Ghana), Schweinsteiger (Germany); Mueller (Germany), Iniesta (Spain), Villa (Spain); Forlan (Uruguay)
Subs: Eduardo (Portugal), Ramos (Spain), Friedrich (Germany), Van Bronckhorst (Holland), Xavi (Spain), Boateng (Ghana), Ozil (Germany), Sneijder (Holland), Robben (Holland), Suarez (Uruguay), Honda (Japan)
Casillas was wonderful in the knockout stages, Lahm just creeps ahead of Ramos, Lucio survives despite Brazil's capitulation to Holland, Coentrao looks one to watch, I loved Annan and Schweinsteiger, and kept banging on about them. Mueller and Forlan are obvious picks who need no explaining. Villa looked an absolute star playing from the left, and to be honest, Spain should have kept him there throughout the latter stages, and might not have needed extra time in the final.
Monday, 28 June 2010
England vs Germany
1) I have decided, after 20 years, that I am no longer supporting the England national football team, or at least not in its current guise. I have put in 20 years of effort, and in that time the team has got progressively worse. I think the main problem I had with this particular result came afterwards, watching the players being interviewed. How John Terry can have the nerve to blame a goal that wasn't giving for a defeat in which he presided over the worst international defending display I have seen from England in years. When I was 9, the England team had men who I think would have been pretty good fathers, in Butcher and Shilton. When I was 16, the team had proper men who I could be proud of, in Ince and Adams. When I was 21, we had players whose skills compared with the top players (Campbell, Scholes, Owen). Now I'm nearly 30. I am more of a man than half this team (I have a stable relationship and have never once attempted to sleep with my friend's wives, when I make a mistake at work, I admit it and don't swear at my boss, I didn't leave my missus to look after the baby while I shagged a 16 year old girl, I never offered to pay for anyone's abortion after I was sick on them during intercourse). So fuck them; I'm done.
2) With regards to the game, I think the disallowed goal may well have made for a very different second half, and that Blatter should take his head out of his arse and allow technology to be used to try to allow officials to make more accurate decisions. Had England drawn level at half-time, they would never have been chasing the game as they were in the second half, and would not have conceeded the two Muller goals that they did.
3) However, England's naivety in getting 8 men ahead of the ball at a freekick for the third goal was embarrasing. We'd hit the bar twice, and Rooney was beginning to look more threatening. There was no need to throw everyone forward in such a fashion. And note that I am not saying that England would have forced a result even if the goal was given: you cannot have just watched the same game I did and come to the conclusion that had they needed to have scored, Germany would not have been able to. Because in the first half hour, they went through England four or five times.
4) The first two goals were embarrassing. John Terry has his qualities (leadership, determination) but also several flaws (lack of pace, and judging by this match, poor decision making and positioning). Whilst his qualities are a credit to the side, as soon as someone appears who can both lead, try hard and chest beat AND defend properly, Terry should be dropped.
5) Upson is not a top level international defender, and should therefore probably not be selected again. Likewise, right backs need to be able to defend. Wes Brown should be cemented back into the number 2 shirt as soon as possible.
6) James actually kept well at times, but could have done better with the second and third goals. I suppose Hart will now be selected, but it seems a rather "arse about face" way to go about it.
7) Lampard actually gave a performance of some vigour, using the ball better, getting forward, and for the first time in his nine World Cup matches, striking ball cleanly. It is unfortunate that he will finish his career never having scored a World Cup goal, but then neither did George Best, or even Alan Ball, so get over it.
8) I hope Gareth Barry was not match-fit, otherwise he is simply shit.
9) Wayne Rooney. Wayne Rooney suffered an injury in late March that should have kept him out of action for four to six weeks. He instead returned eight days later. He has not scored a goal in a competitive match since then, neither has he recaptured anything like the form he showed prior to his injury. Wayne Rooney made the decision to return to action quicker than expected at the behest of Manchester United Football Club. Wayne Rooney clearly prioritised playing for Manchester United ahead of playing for England; it is they who give him his vast salary and merchandising money. It's quite irritating that club football is more important to Wayne Rooney than playing in the World Cup, especially for those of us who dislike Manchester United, and like England, but it is a fact. Wayne Rooney will be back scoring lots of goals for Manchester United come August. He may look like one of the best players in Europe again. But he will never reach the place of fondness and reverence that Englishman have for Bobby Charlton, or Geoff Hurst, or Paul Gascoigne, because he has never given the best performances of his life on the biggest stage of all, the World Cup. So doubtless, excuses will be made. But Rooney isn't fit to lace the boots of Lineker, if you want my opinion. And unless he turns up in Rio in 4 years time (England in that heat!), he never will be.
10) As for the Germans, Schweinsteiger, Ozil and Muller were superb. Klose, Lahm and Poldolski were very good. Boateng rarely looked troubled. The Germans are not a perfect side, but the way they exploited England's lack of pace and organisation at the back was wonderfully clinical. Ozil is a serious player, and one of the best we've seen so far.
11) I imagine that we will not see Capello lead an England team again; I don't think he should bother myself. He has made mistakes, terrible substitutions, and his commitment to 4-4-2 seems a little (or indeed, a lot) old-fashioned these days. But for this country to witness the decline in our performances from 2002, through Euro 2004, 2006 and now this year, and to blame the manager who has won trophies everywhere for this malaise seems a bit ridiculous. Capello was not as good as he thought, but scapegoating him, or a Uruguayan linesman, for this is absurd: the only players out of this team who have ever played at their potential at an international tournament are Ashley Cole, Frank Lampard and Wayne Rooney. For the latter two, that was six years ago at the European Championship. These are not world class players, and many of them are not even great. Retire the Golden Generation, repeat the sentence "we have never beaten another team that has won the World Cup in a knockout match apart from when we were playing at home" until you have memorised it, and start just enjoy being in these tournaments.
2) With regards to the game, I think the disallowed goal may well have made for a very different second half, and that Blatter should take his head out of his arse and allow technology to be used to try to allow officials to make more accurate decisions. Had England drawn level at half-time, they would never have been chasing the game as they were in the second half, and would not have conceeded the two Muller goals that they did.
3) However, England's naivety in getting 8 men ahead of the ball at a freekick for the third goal was embarrasing. We'd hit the bar twice, and Rooney was beginning to look more threatening. There was no need to throw everyone forward in such a fashion. And note that I am not saying that England would have forced a result even if the goal was given: you cannot have just watched the same game I did and come to the conclusion that had they needed to have scored, Germany would not have been able to. Because in the first half hour, they went through England four or five times.
4) The first two goals were embarrassing. John Terry has his qualities (leadership, determination) but also several flaws (lack of pace, and judging by this match, poor decision making and positioning). Whilst his qualities are a credit to the side, as soon as someone appears who can both lead, try hard and chest beat AND defend properly, Terry should be dropped.
5) Upson is not a top level international defender, and should therefore probably not be selected again. Likewise, right backs need to be able to defend. Wes Brown should be cemented back into the number 2 shirt as soon as possible.
6) James actually kept well at times, but could have done better with the second and third goals. I suppose Hart will now be selected, but it seems a rather "arse about face" way to go about it.
7) Lampard actually gave a performance of some vigour, using the ball better, getting forward, and for the first time in his nine World Cup matches, striking ball cleanly. It is unfortunate that he will finish his career never having scored a World Cup goal, but then neither did George Best, or even Alan Ball, so get over it.
8) I hope Gareth Barry was not match-fit, otherwise he is simply shit.
9) Wayne Rooney. Wayne Rooney suffered an injury in late March that should have kept him out of action for four to six weeks. He instead returned eight days later. He has not scored a goal in a competitive match since then, neither has he recaptured anything like the form he showed prior to his injury. Wayne Rooney made the decision to return to action quicker than expected at the behest of Manchester United Football Club. Wayne Rooney clearly prioritised playing for Manchester United ahead of playing for England; it is they who give him his vast salary and merchandising money. It's quite irritating that club football is more important to Wayne Rooney than playing in the World Cup, especially for those of us who dislike Manchester United, and like England, but it is a fact. Wayne Rooney will be back scoring lots of goals for Manchester United come August. He may look like one of the best players in Europe again. But he will never reach the place of fondness and reverence that Englishman have for Bobby Charlton, or Geoff Hurst, or Paul Gascoigne, because he has never given the best performances of his life on the biggest stage of all, the World Cup. So doubtless, excuses will be made. But Rooney isn't fit to lace the boots of Lineker, if you want my opinion. And unless he turns up in Rio in 4 years time (England in that heat!), he never will be.
10) As for the Germans, Schweinsteiger, Ozil and Muller were superb. Klose, Lahm and Poldolski were very good. Boateng rarely looked troubled. The Germans are not a perfect side, but the way they exploited England's lack of pace and organisation at the back was wonderfully clinical. Ozil is a serious player, and one of the best we've seen so far.
11) I imagine that we will not see Capello lead an England team again; I don't think he should bother myself. He has made mistakes, terrible substitutions, and his commitment to 4-4-2 seems a little (or indeed, a lot) old-fashioned these days. But for this country to witness the decline in our performances from 2002, through Euro 2004, 2006 and now this year, and to blame the manager who has won trophies everywhere for this malaise seems a bit ridiculous. Capello was not as good as he thought, but scapegoating him, or a Uruguayan linesman, for this is absurd: the only players out of this team who have ever played at their potential at an international tournament are Ashley Cole, Frank Lampard and Wayne Rooney. For the latter two, that was six years ago at the European Championship. These are not world class players, and many of them are not even great. Retire the Golden Generation, repeat the sentence "we have never beaten another team that has won the World Cup in a knockout match apart from when we were playing at home" until you have memorised it, and start just enjoy being in these tournaments.
Thursday, 24 June 2010
England vs Slovenia
Or Thank Fuck.
I've decided to write about matches in a list form instead of cliche ridden match report trype bollocks.
1) Thank Fuck For That. And I'm not talking about England's win. Everyone who is everyone (except, curiously, ITV1) has been telling us ever since the USA game that we should play Gerrard behind Rooney, or bring in an extra man in midfield, that Gerrard can't play from the left, that Rooney has to be the main striker, that we have to play 4-2-3-1; I had prepared a piece of the usual old bollocks about how England had to bring in an extra midfielder, and how the consistent problem was being outnumbered in midfield. Thank fuck that Capello doesn't have to listen to a bunch of cretins who have never played or even fully understood a game of football we've ever watched then, and simply selected the team he thought would win the game. Milner? He doesn't have enough pace to offer an outlet on the right. Rooney? Wasted playing off the striker. Defoe? All he does is score, never plays any part in the buildup.
Basically, I (I don't like to speak for you, although I suspect you're in the same boat) know fuck all about football, and should stick to drinking lager (or vodka and water, Mart) and criticising pundits.
2) I've been quite confused about the England squad for some time. I was always under the impression that number 11 Joe Cole was the Chelsea player whose career has been pretty much going backward since 2006. Apparently though, they picked some other guy, with magic boots who could Unlock Defences merely with a wave of his right foot. When they said he was coming on, I got really excited and started telling the baby he was about to see something really special. Turns out it was the scruffy guy, who has never put three decent performances together in a row in his life, and whose club doesn't even think he's better than Salomon Bloody Kalou.
3) Milner of course simply defied my concerns about playing him on the right by putting in a shift, working hard, and CROSSING the ball. You'd think, given the fact that I was saying a few days ago that Beckham would still walk into this team on the virtue of being able to cross the ball accurately, that I would be in favour of an unflashy player who was all about product being given a try on the wing. But no, I wanted another chance for Lennon; I was wrong.
4) Defoe, a player who I cannot stand for unknown reason, always makes me look like a plum; I don't think he is a particularly useful player due to the fact that all he ever does is look to shoot. He has precious use for anything else, isn't great at pressing, never passes, can't hold the ball up ... it's very clear why he's never moved to a big club, and I don't think he's a player who can hack it at the highest level, due to his limited game. However, complaining about a player who lives to score goals whilst in my head, Gary Lineker is somewhere up there with Christ and Buddha in the pantheon seems a little bit dumb. And of course, Defoe scored. I'll probably start an online petition for him to be dropped before Germany, but fuck it, I was wrong. Again.
5) Gerrard actually did what he was told, and played an advanced midfield role, starting from the left, and came inside to join with Rooney, and made sure he defended in front of Cole. Will wonders never cease?
6) Slovenia were quite shit; England were quite good. It's clear that the confidence was absolutely shot after Green's mistake, and this went on to affect the Algeria match ... hopefully this result and performance will encourage belief amongst the players.
7) Rooney will now be even more unfit vs Germany. Yay!
I've decided to write about matches in a list form instead of cliche ridden match report trype bollocks.
1) Thank Fuck For That. And I'm not talking about England's win. Everyone who is everyone (except, curiously, ITV1) has been telling us ever since the USA game that we should play Gerrard behind Rooney, or bring in an extra man in midfield, that Gerrard can't play from the left, that Rooney has to be the main striker, that we have to play 4-2-3-1; I had prepared a piece of the usual old bollocks about how England had to bring in an extra midfielder, and how the consistent problem was being outnumbered in midfield. Thank fuck that Capello doesn't have to listen to a bunch of cretins who have never played or even fully understood a game of football we've ever watched then, and simply selected the team he thought would win the game. Milner? He doesn't have enough pace to offer an outlet on the right. Rooney? Wasted playing off the striker. Defoe? All he does is score, never plays any part in the buildup.
Basically, I (I don't like to speak for you, although I suspect you're in the same boat) know fuck all about football, and should stick to drinking lager (or vodka and water, Mart) and criticising pundits.
2) I've been quite confused about the England squad for some time. I was always under the impression that number 11 Joe Cole was the Chelsea player whose career has been pretty much going backward since 2006. Apparently though, they picked some other guy, with magic boots who could Unlock Defences merely with a wave of his right foot. When they said he was coming on, I got really excited and started telling the baby he was about to see something really special. Turns out it was the scruffy guy, who has never put three decent performances together in a row in his life, and whose club doesn't even think he's better than Salomon Bloody Kalou.
3) Milner of course simply defied my concerns about playing him on the right by putting in a shift, working hard, and CROSSING the ball. You'd think, given the fact that I was saying a few days ago that Beckham would still walk into this team on the virtue of being able to cross the ball accurately, that I would be in favour of an unflashy player who was all about product being given a try on the wing. But no, I wanted another chance for Lennon; I was wrong.
4) Defoe, a player who I cannot stand for unknown reason, always makes me look like a plum; I don't think he is a particularly useful player due to the fact that all he ever does is look to shoot. He has precious use for anything else, isn't great at pressing, never passes, can't hold the ball up ... it's very clear why he's never moved to a big club, and I don't think he's a player who can hack it at the highest level, due to his limited game. However, complaining about a player who lives to score goals whilst in my head, Gary Lineker is somewhere up there with Christ and Buddha in the pantheon seems a little bit dumb. And of course, Defoe scored. I'll probably start an online petition for him to be dropped before Germany, but fuck it, I was wrong. Again.
5) Gerrard actually did what he was told, and played an advanced midfield role, starting from the left, and came inside to join with Rooney, and made sure he defended in front of Cole. Will wonders never cease?
6) Slovenia were quite shit; England were quite good. It's clear that the confidence was absolutely shot after Green's mistake, and this went on to affect the Algeria match ... hopefully this result and performance will encourage belief amongst the players.
7) Rooney will now be even more unfit vs Germany. Yay!
Monday, 21 June 2010
England vs Algeria
Oh for fuck's sake.
I was fairly pissed so didn't quite appreciate the technicalities of system etc., yet could probably bang on and on about this fucking monstrosity until the cows come home, so I'll just summarise my thoughts here:
1) Rooney was shit. I know he wants to play up-front, and fair enough, but it is quite possible to cause damage with movement from deeper lying positions, as Ozil, Donovan, Elano, half the Chile team have shown in the tournament. If Rooney is sulking over his position, he needs to get over himself. Otherwise, I'd have to suggest that he is not fit; that was as poor as I have ever seen him play.
2) Lampard was shit. I have defended Frank many times, and it is coming back to bite me on the arse with every misplaced pass or ten minutes that passes with him doing sod all. I would drop him and pick either Milner (may be outclassed, but won't hide) or Carrick (lightweight, poor form, but can PASS the ball). If he played like he does for Chelsea or in qualifying, he would be a world beater. He doesn't, and isn't, so fuck it.
3) Are they fit? I know Souness is a fucking idiot, but might he have a point with regard to altitude conditioning?
4) I fully understood the reasoning and backed the decision to select Heskey. However, since it's not working, he needs to be dropped. I guess that will be it for him; I hope people are able to remember that while he only scored eight goals for England (or whatever), one of them was the fifth in Munich, and one of them was in a World Cup knockout stage win. It may be sometime until any England player achieves that again.
5) Capello had every right to try his assymetric 4-4-2 with Gerrard coming into field and Rooney dropping off when he had his first choice players available, as I asserted last week. Given the fact that this formation was unable to cope with the fairly predictable Algerian packing of the midfield means we probably should switch the system and move to play three central midfielders. Barry and Gerrard (probably be default) stay, I would bring in Carrick and put either Milner or Joe Cole on the left wing (I'd recommend a bit more perspective on the Joe Cole issue though; he was hardly pivotal for Chelsea this year, and has disappeared in an England shirt many times. He's not fucking Messi). I might give Lennon one more chance on the right, with strict orders to stay wide. Otherwise the other of Cole and Milner would be there as well, although that would leave us pretty slow. That would leave Rooney upfront by himself, as I'm sure he would love. It's not a great team, but probably better suited to the match than the one we just finished the game with.
6) When the presiding topic of conversation about the match is that if Beckham was playing at the age of 35, you would have won, you played really fucking badly.
I was fairly pissed so didn't quite appreciate the technicalities of system etc., yet could probably bang on and on about this fucking monstrosity until the cows come home, so I'll just summarise my thoughts here:
1) Rooney was shit. I know he wants to play up-front, and fair enough, but it is quite possible to cause damage with movement from deeper lying positions, as Ozil, Donovan, Elano, half the Chile team have shown in the tournament. If Rooney is sulking over his position, he needs to get over himself. Otherwise, I'd have to suggest that he is not fit; that was as poor as I have ever seen him play.
2) Lampard was shit. I have defended Frank many times, and it is coming back to bite me on the arse with every misplaced pass or ten minutes that passes with him doing sod all. I would drop him and pick either Milner (may be outclassed, but won't hide) or Carrick (lightweight, poor form, but can PASS the ball). If he played like he does for Chelsea or in qualifying, he would be a world beater. He doesn't, and isn't, so fuck it.
3) Are they fit? I know Souness is a fucking idiot, but might he have a point with regard to altitude conditioning?
4) I fully understood the reasoning and backed the decision to select Heskey. However, since it's not working, he needs to be dropped. I guess that will be it for him; I hope people are able to remember that while he only scored eight goals for England (or whatever), one of them was the fifth in Munich, and one of them was in a World Cup knockout stage win. It may be sometime until any England player achieves that again.
5) Capello had every right to try his assymetric 4-4-2 with Gerrard coming into field and Rooney dropping off when he had his first choice players available, as I asserted last week. Given the fact that this formation was unable to cope with the fairly predictable Algerian packing of the midfield means we probably should switch the system and move to play three central midfielders. Barry and Gerrard (probably be default) stay, I would bring in Carrick and put either Milner or Joe Cole on the left wing (I'd recommend a bit more perspective on the Joe Cole issue though; he was hardly pivotal for Chelsea this year, and has disappeared in an England shirt many times. He's not fucking Messi). I might give Lennon one more chance on the right, with strict orders to stay wide. Otherwise the other of Cole and Milner would be there as well, although that would leave us pretty slow. That would leave Rooney upfront by himself, as I'm sure he would love. It's not a great team, but probably better suited to the match than the one we just finished the game with.
6) When the presiding topic of conversation about the match is that if Beckham was playing at the age of 35, you would have won, you played really fucking badly.
Thursday, 17 June 2010
England vs Algeria
A little inexpert buildup, if I may.
Basically, I'll be repeating what I said the other day, after England USA, but I'm seriously baffled by the press reaction to the USA game. It was very clear that several areas were not helped by the absence of Barry: the need to protect the back four meant that Lampard and Gerrard both stayed deeper than normal, and as a result were mostly missed up front; Gerrard should have stayed tighter on Dempsey for his goal; the lack of Gerrard on the left wing made us slightly more predictable, and meant Rooney wasn't able to do his usual "wander left and link with Gerrard" stuff. It's a sign of England's weakness that missing one, somewhat pedestrian, player in the shape of Barry causes us such a severe handicap, but it did.
However, the reason that the result seems so disappointing is that England's form under Capello, predominantly in qualifying, was so good. It is the results of the team in qualifying, particularly against Croatia home and away, that gave the media, in particular, cause to believe that England have the ability to challenge for the Cup (I don't believe this, incidentally, as I stated in my very first post: I want to get to the semi-final again, then I'll be happy). So it would be ridiculous, now that the first choice team that performed so well in qualifying (and I'd probably include Upson) back together, to not even try that line-up once.
Capello doesn't trust Rooney to play at centre forward with someone off him when it comes to competitive games. He wants Rooney playing off another striker. The other striker who gets the most out of Rooney is Heskey. He also wants Gerrard to start on the left, but have a free role to move inside and link with Rooney, especially as Rooney likes to drift into the inside left channel. To balance this, he wants pace on the right wing, in the form of Lennon.
This is an established system. This is the team that Capello should (and will) play on Friday. Anything else would be a sign that he is listening too much to the press, who know nothing, and a tragedy. Hopefully his nerve will hold.
Basically, I'll be repeating what I said the other day, after England USA, but I'm seriously baffled by the press reaction to the USA game. It was very clear that several areas were not helped by the absence of Barry: the need to protect the back four meant that Lampard and Gerrard both stayed deeper than normal, and as a result were mostly missed up front; Gerrard should have stayed tighter on Dempsey for his goal; the lack of Gerrard on the left wing made us slightly more predictable, and meant Rooney wasn't able to do his usual "wander left and link with Gerrard" stuff. It's a sign of England's weakness that missing one, somewhat pedestrian, player in the shape of Barry causes us such a severe handicap, but it did.
However, the reason that the result seems so disappointing is that England's form under Capello, predominantly in qualifying, was so good. It is the results of the team in qualifying, particularly against Croatia home and away, that gave the media, in particular, cause to believe that England have the ability to challenge for the Cup (I don't believe this, incidentally, as I stated in my very first post: I want to get to the semi-final again, then I'll be happy). So it would be ridiculous, now that the first choice team that performed so well in qualifying (and I'd probably include Upson) back together, to not even try that line-up once.
Capello doesn't trust Rooney to play at centre forward with someone off him when it comes to competitive games. He wants Rooney playing off another striker. The other striker who gets the most out of Rooney is Heskey. He also wants Gerrard to start on the left, but have a free role to move inside and link with Rooney, especially as Rooney likes to drift into the inside left channel. To balance this, he wants pace on the right wing, in the form of Lennon.
This is an established system. This is the team that Capello should (and will) play on Friday. Anything else would be a sign that he is listening too much to the press, who know nothing, and a tragedy. Hopefully his nerve will hold.
Monday, 14 June 2010
Algeria vs Slovenia
We had to go to Next yesterday, so I videoed the game, and watched it on playback. I basically ended up fast forwarding the game on 3x the speed, and was disappointed when I caught up with the recording, which meant I could not longer fast-forward the remaining twenty minutes.
What a piece of shit game. Absolutely appalling. England should just shoot all game vs Algeria and should be guaranteed a 4-0 victory. Slovenia were little better. All in all, this was terrible.
What a piece of shit game. Absolutely appalling. England should just shoot all game vs Algeria and should be guaranteed a 4-0 victory. Slovenia were little better. All in all, this was terrible.
England vs USA
Obviously the problem with everyone stopping to watch England games is that suddenly everyone has a rubbish opinion of them.
England played fairly well in patches, and should have scored at least one goal more than they did. At the other end, they stupidly gave away a goal and a decent chance. In between the two goals, England played some great stuff, switching the play quickly, and getting through seemingly at will. Once they had conceeded, they seemed a bit shellshocked, and lacking confidence, didn't have quite the same snap. They still should have scored twice in the second half.
Gerrard played reasonably well in midfield. The truth is that when he and Lampard play together, they both limit the other's effectiveness. However, a few shockers from Lampard aside, they both passed the ball reasonably well, and were solid defensively. I return to my post some weeks ago to reiterate that whilst they were far from ideal, England made the right selection here simply because Gerrard playing in a conventional central midfield role is still better than any of the other options (Carrick, Milner, would have been King I suppose). When Barry is back, he slots in with Lamps.
And then the second issue, aside from the keeper (I said four times before the game on Saturday that Green was guaranteed one mistake a match, and that if you picked him, you just had to hope that it wouldn't cost a goal: so apologies for my doubtless jinxing, but I would blame the fact that Green is not a top class keeper, and never will be) is the attack. Heskey had a manful game, tustling ceaselessly, excellent in the air and creating a fair bit of space. He also missed a cracking chance at 1-1. And this game pretty much sums up what England will get from the Hesk. The problem on Saturday was more the fact that Heskey's brave, selfless front running is supposed to create space for Rooney, and Rooney was reasonably quiet, aside from some decent touches and one shot.
The option being put forward by many is that whilst Heskey's target man play is very honourable, his inability to finish simple chances has deteriorated massively, and he should therefore be binned off to allow Rooney to play as the lone frontman, with Gerrard behind, allowing both to play where they do for their clubs, and maybe bringing Joe Cole onto the left. I am quite sure that Capello doesn't do this for the simple reason that he feels that Rooney does not have the temperament to take the sort of battering that Heskey did on Saturday, and that if he does, he will snap and plant his studs in someones nether regions, or unleash a torrent of swearing, etc. etc. etc.
It's a tricky decision (England can't afford to miss chances like Heskey did on Saturday, but yet also can't afford a dismissal to Rooney). I would probably say that against Algeria, we have to select the attacking unit that demolished Croatia at home, and give them a chance, which means Heskey up front, Gerrard with a free role from the left, cutting inside and allowing Ashley Cole to overlap, Gerrard interchanging with Rooney from the hole, with one ensuring they defend the left midfield channel, pace from Johnson and Lennon on the right, and Lampard free to get forward from midfield with Barry holding. Any enthusiasm that has built up around England is from the attacking performances of this unit, and it would be silly to not give them a chance in a reasonably straight forward match with Algeria.
The USA were fairly manful, if limited and lucky. They probably don't have a striker likely enough to score many goals, with most of their potency in Dempsey and Donovan cutting in from the wings, and it will be interesting to see if they can beat Slovenia. Bradley looked a decent scrapper in midfield, I thought. They were fucking lucky though.
England played fairly well in patches, and should have scored at least one goal more than they did. At the other end, they stupidly gave away a goal and a decent chance. In between the two goals, England played some great stuff, switching the play quickly, and getting through seemingly at will. Once they had conceeded, they seemed a bit shellshocked, and lacking confidence, didn't have quite the same snap. They still should have scored twice in the second half.
Gerrard played reasonably well in midfield. The truth is that when he and Lampard play together, they both limit the other's effectiveness. However, a few shockers from Lampard aside, they both passed the ball reasonably well, and were solid defensively. I return to my post some weeks ago to reiterate that whilst they were far from ideal, England made the right selection here simply because Gerrard playing in a conventional central midfield role is still better than any of the other options (Carrick, Milner, would have been King I suppose). When Barry is back, he slots in with Lamps.
And then the second issue, aside from the keeper (I said four times before the game on Saturday that Green was guaranteed one mistake a match, and that if you picked him, you just had to hope that it wouldn't cost a goal: so apologies for my doubtless jinxing, but I would blame the fact that Green is not a top class keeper, and never will be) is the attack. Heskey had a manful game, tustling ceaselessly, excellent in the air and creating a fair bit of space. He also missed a cracking chance at 1-1. And this game pretty much sums up what England will get from the Hesk. The problem on Saturday was more the fact that Heskey's brave, selfless front running is supposed to create space for Rooney, and Rooney was reasonably quiet, aside from some decent touches and one shot.
The option being put forward by many is that whilst Heskey's target man play is very honourable, his inability to finish simple chances has deteriorated massively, and he should therefore be binned off to allow Rooney to play as the lone frontman, with Gerrard behind, allowing both to play where they do for their clubs, and maybe bringing Joe Cole onto the left. I am quite sure that Capello doesn't do this for the simple reason that he feels that Rooney does not have the temperament to take the sort of battering that Heskey did on Saturday, and that if he does, he will snap and plant his studs in someones nether regions, or unleash a torrent of swearing, etc. etc. etc.
It's a tricky decision (England can't afford to miss chances like Heskey did on Saturday, but yet also can't afford a dismissal to Rooney). I would probably say that against Algeria, we have to select the attacking unit that demolished Croatia at home, and give them a chance, which means Heskey up front, Gerrard with a free role from the left, cutting inside and allowing Ashley Cole to overlap, Gerrard interchanging with Rooney from the hole, with one ensuring they defend the left midfield channel, pace from Johnson and Lennon on the right, and Lampard free to get forward from midfield with Barry holding. Any enthusiasm that has built up around England is from the attacking performances of this unit, and it would be silly to not give them a chance in a reasonably straight forward match with Algeria.
The USA were fairly manful, if limited and lucky. They probably don't have a striker likely enough to score many goals, with most of their potency in Dempsey and Donovan cutting in from the wings, and it will be interesting to see if they can beat Slovenia. Bradley looked a decent scrapper in midfield, I thought. They were fucking lucky though.
Friday, 11 June 2010
Great World Cup Moments #11
Because I need to have XI really. Because there's, like, eleven players in a football team. But these are done after this one, because History is now being made, or something equally fucking poignant.
There follows a very boring story that interlinks very vaguely with today's Moment
This girl came to stay with one of my Uni friends in 2002, on the Saturday before the England - Sweden game. She was pale and ginger, about 17 although she looked older, and pretty fit. I would have fucked her, of course, but then I would have fucked virtually anyone in 2002 (I of course actually fucked no-one; although I made one fat girl very happy in late August, and then literally didn't say a word to her the following day; most undj-like). In the morning I had watched Ireland vs Cameroon with two beers (purchased at half-time at 8:15: my buddy had just finished a night shift, I had merely woken up), then enjoyed Denmark vs Uruguay (a genuine screamer from Dario Rodriguez, I won't link though, you can just look it up yourself, although no Recoba at all) and Germany vs Saudi Arabia (hilarious). I then went round to my other mates' house, and we went to the park for beers, then a pub. No-one had any weed. Some people, including this girl, went to a club, the rest of us bemoaned our lack of weed, until Dougie, a genial Scot, finally brought round about an eighth and everyone could stop clucking. This girl came back from the club about 4, and told everyone how much she liked football, and how she was looking forward to the game between England and Sweden the next day.
After two hours sleep (sometimes I wish I was still young), I woke up to watch Argentina vs Nigeria, to find everyone had for some reason gone out and stolen a canoe. I took the opportunity to further grill this girl about football. She went to Highbury with her brother she said, quite often, about ten times in this Double winning season. Her favourite player was Ljungberg, although she liked Henry obviously. So far so good. She then became insistent that Ljungberg had been passed fit for the match that day. Now you probably don't remember, but there was this big ongoing will he, won't he story about Ljungberg playing, but it was pretty well established that he wouldn't play (I might have this wrong, it might be that she was insistent he wouldn't play, and we knew he would. I don' t fucking remember, we used to pill to help us wake up).
Anyway, she was wrong, as we found out when we got to the pub. I then questioned her further about Arsenal. She was no true fan; she had no real understanding of the game, and you could tell that she fancied Ljungberg (Ha! Barking up the wrong tree there, love), rather than loved his ability to ghost on the wrong side of defenders like some sort of post-punk Martin Peters (Ljungberg was such a fantastic player between 2000 and 2004. He attained absolute mastery of timing runs from midfield to score, peaked in big games, had a technique that would have functioned on the continent and worked his bollocks off. I just wish he was English).
The bubble had burst with this girl anyway, and I will never forget the lesson. As the girl went home to recover, and everyone enjoyed Spain vs Slovenia with a big bag of weed, I reflected that Women Never Know As Much About Football As They Think They Do. Even when it looks like they do, they don't.
And so to sum up this absurd piece of misogyny, this is what happens when Women try to play football.
That's the end of the Moment barrel scraping, for which I'm sure we'll all say Huzzah.
There follows a very boring story that interlinks very vaguely with today's Moment
This girl came to stay with one of my Uni friends in 2002, on the Saturday before the England - Sweden game. She was pale and ginger, about 17 although she looked older, and pretty fit. I would have fucked her, of course, but then I would have fucked virtually anyone in 2002 (I of course actually fucked no-one; although I made one fat girl very happy in late August, and then literally didn't say a word to her the following day; most undj-like). In the morning I had watched Ireland vs Cameroon with two beers (purchased at half-time at 8:15: my buddy had just finished a night shift, I had merely woken up), then enjoyed Denmark vs Uruguay (a genuine screamer from Dario Rodriguez, I won't link though, you can just look it up yourself, although no Recoba at all) and Germany vs Saudi Arabia (hilarious). I then went round to my other mates' house, and we went to the park for beers, then a pub. No-one had any weed. Some people, including this girl, went to a club, the rest of us bemoaned our lack of weed, until Dougie, a genial Scot, finally brought round about an eighth and everyone could stop clucking. This girl came back from the club about 4, and told everyone how much she liked football, and how she was looking forward to the game between England and Sweden the next day.
After two hours sleep (sometimes I wish I was still young), I woke up to watch Argentina vs Nigeria, to find everyone had for some reason gone out and stolen a canoe. I took the opportunity to further grill this girl about football. She went to Highbury with her brother she said, quite often, about ten times in this Double winning season. Her favourite player was Ljungberg, although she liked Henry obviously. So far so good. She then became insistent that Ljungberg had been passed fit for the match that day. Now you probably don't remember, but there was this big ongoing will he, won't he story about Ljungberg playing, but it was pretty well established that he wouldn't play (I might have this wrong, it might be that she was insistent he wouldn't play, and we knew he would. I don' t fucking remember, we used to pill to help us wake up).
Anyway, she was wrong, as we found out when we got to the pub. I then questioned her further about Arsenal. She was no true fan; she had no real understanding of the game, and you could tell that she fancied Ljungberg (Ha! Barking up the wrong tree there, love), rather than loved his ability to ghost on the wrong side of defenders like some sort of post-punk Martin Peters (Ljungberg was such a fantastic player between 2000 and 2004. He attained absolute mastery of timing runs from midfield to score, peaked in big games, had a technique that would have functioned on the continent and worked his bollocks off. I just wish he was English).
The bubble had burst with this girl anyway, and I will never forget the lesson. As the girl went home to recover, and everyone enjoyed Spain vs Slovenia with a big bag of weed, I reflected that Women Never Know As Much About Football As They Think They Do. Even when it looks like they do, they don't.
And so to sum up this absurd piece of misogyny, this is what happens when Women try to play football.
That's the end of the Moment barrel scraping, for which I'm sure we'll all say Huzzah.
Thursday, 10 June 2010
Predictions
I'll not be posting over the weekend, and am sloping off early tomorrow to watch the opening ceremony, so here are my predictions for the first eight fixtures.
SA vs Mexico
As much as I would enjoy South Africa to get off to a great start (tournaments are improved by a strong host nation), I think Mexico will end up stealing this one. They take an early lead, SA equalise in the second half but Mexico go on to win 2-1
France vs Uruguay
France are traditionally slow starters, Uruguay have won one world cup match since 1970, and that was against South Korea in the last minute. A draw here, and probably a fucking dire one, despite the fact that the match will feature attackers of the calibre of Ribery, Forlan, Anelka, Suarez and Gourcuff (Alvaro Recoba should still be playing as well really, but I imagine he just snorts coke off prozzies nowadays: one of the tragedies of 21st century football). We'll say 0-0, but it might be 1-1
Greece vs South Korea
I was delighted that Greece won Euro 2004, principally because it seemed fairly surreal, and the fact that they beat France and Portugal twice. But if they are anything like they were at Euro 2008, I will be hoping they lose three times. Theofanis Gekas has again managed to score plenty of goals in qualifying: fuck knows how, he was similarly talked up two years ago and proceeded to play like Michael Ricketts. South Korea are always a decent watch; if stereotypes are anything to go by, they will run like the wind, press hard and hope to flick a way through the Greek's slumbering defences, although they may be underpowered in the air. I'll go for 1-0 South Korea out of hope more than expectation. We're going to my parents' for a barbecue for this one, with food from all the day's matches. Hot Dogs indeed.
Argentina vs Nigeria
Argentina will be fairly dull, I reckon, relying on the magic of Messi and Di Maria for penetration. They and Higuain will presumably have too much for Nigeria (and everyone to the quarter final probably), but the fact that they Gabi Heinze will apparently line up at left-back might allow the Nigerians to score a consolation. I am rather hoping that Seba Veron gives a Valderama style masterclass of passing and game management in central midfield, to make some ammends for his disastrous time in England (which is underrated, to be fair), but I doubt it will work later in the tournament. Nigeria may select Olofinjana and Kanu in central midfield though, so this might be Veron's big game. 3-1, Messi will score.
England vs USA
8-0. ROAR. Next.
Slovenia vs Algeria
Is this the first match that dj will miss, allowing his missus to finally watch Thursday's episode of The Good Wife (dj will obviously watch as well; Julianna Margulies is an all time Would Smash)? No. dj is going to be a right cunt at the weekends, not even allowing his baby to watch CBeebies. Slovenia will probably sneak a win, Algeria are supposed to be utterly shite. 1-0
Ghana vs Serbia
Really looking forward to this one; should be the game of the weekend. Ghana will be lacking Absolute Rapist and Midfield Colossus Michael Essien, but Kevin Prince Boateng can at least fulfil the studs up part of his midfield role, if not the drive and hammer right boot. Appiah has been injured for about four years, and may not be the same metronomic passer of four years ago (when he barely misplaced a single pass in the group stage), Muntari seems to have been fairly exposed since his move to Inter, and although Asamoah Gyan is coming off a pretty good year in France, I would be amazed if he scored a goal of any sort here. Serbia have a resolute defence with Ivanovic (who has quietly come one of the best defenders in the Premiership) and Vidic, and are quietly tipped. There have to be matches where the African teams utilise the conditions and the home support though, and I reckon this will be one of them. Ghana will win 2-0 I think.
Germany vs Australia
This is being talked about as Germany's worst team for a while, although I wonder if this talking is being done by anyone who watched Germany play in Euro 2000 or especially Euro 2004, where they were absolutely fucking awful. The absence of Ballack will not help their chances, but Schweinisteiger's new brio as a midfield general will help ease the burden. I'm in two minds about the Ockers: They have Timmy Cahill, which is good (I have a deep seated love of football that involves crosses, knockdowns and lung-busting midfielders; Cahill is all about this style of play, and is not adverse to the rough stuff), but they have Harry Kewell (who will apparently play as a lone centre forward; which would frankly be the most baffling decision of all time, although you'd have said that about Totti at Roma under Spalletti, and that worked), who is a bit of cunt, frankly. I think Australia were lucky to get out of their group four years ago (although heaven forbid I imply that Hiddink is not the absolute best manager ever), will probably finish bottom of the rather challenging group D, and will lose comfortably here. 2-0 sounds about right. I really hope Mario Gomez gets one of them, but probably he won't.
I am hoping to have got one score right, and four results. I won't though, they'll all be wrong. Except for England. Heskey hat-trick. Bosh.
SA vs Mexico
As much as I would enjoy South Africa to get off to a great start (tournaments are improved by a strong host nation), I think Mexico will end up stealing this one. They take an early lead, SA equalise in the second half but Mexico go on to win 2-1
France vs Uruguay
France are traditionally slow starters, Uruguay have won one world cup match since 1970, and that was against South Korea in the last minute. A draw here, and probably a fucking dire one, despite the fact that the match will feature attackers of the calibre of Ribery, Forlan, Anelka, Suarez and Gourcuff (Alvaro Recoba should still be playing as well really, but I imagine he just snorts coke off prozzies nowadays: one of the tragedies of 21st century football). We'll say 0-0, but it might be 1-1
Greece vs South Korea
I was delighted that Greece won Euro 2004, principally because it seemed fairly surreal, and the fact that they beat France and Portugal twice. But if they are anything like they were at Euro 2008, I will be hoping they lose three times. Theofanis Gekas has again managed to score plenty of goals in qualifying: fuck knows how, he was similarly talked up two years ago and proceeded to play like Michael Ricketts. South Korea are always a decent watch; if stereotypes are anything to go by, they will run like the wind, press hard and hope to flick a way through the Greek's slumbering defences, although they may be underpowered in the air. I'll go for 1-0 South Korea out of hope more than expectation. We're going to my parents' for a barbecue for this one, with food from all the day's matches. Hot Dogs indeed.
Argentina vs Nigeria
Argentina will be fairly dull, I reckon, relying on the magic of Messi and Di Maria for penetration. They and Higuain will presumably have too much for Nigeria (and everyone to the quarter final probably), but the fact that they Gabi Heinze will apparently line up at left-back might allow the Nigerians to score a consolation. I am rather hoping that Seba Veron gives a Valderama style masterclass of passing and game management in central midfield, to make some ammends for his disastrous time in England (which is underrated, to be fair), but I doubt it will work later in the tournament. Nigeria may select Olofinjana and Kanu in central midfield though, so this might be Veron's big game. 3-1, Messi will score.
England vs USA
8-0. ROAR. Next.
Slovenia vs Algeria
Is this the first match that dj will miss, allowing his missus to finally watch Thursday's episode of The Good Wife (dj will obviously watch as well; Julianna Margulies is an all time Would Smash)? No. dj is going to be a right cunt at the weekends, not even allowing his baby to watch CBeebies. Slovenia will probably sneak a win, Algeria are supposed to be utterly shite. 1-0
Ghana vs Serbia
Really looking forward to this one; should be the game of the weekend. Ghana will be lacking Absolute Rapist and Midfield Colossus Michael Essien, but Kevin Prince Boateng can at least fulfil the studs up part of his midfield role, if not the drive and hammer right boot. Appiah has been injured for about four years, and may not be the same metronomic passer of four years ago (when he barely misplaced a single pass in the group stage), Muntari seems to have been fairly exposed since his move to Inter, and although Asamoah Gyan is coming off a pretty good year in France, I would be amazed if he scored a goal of any sort here. Serbia have a resolute defence with Ivanovic (who has quietly come one of the best defenders in the Premiership) and Vidic, and are quietly tipped. There have to be matches where the African teams utilise the conditions and the home support though, and I reckon this will be one of them. Ghana will win 2-0 I think.
Germany vs Australia
This is being talked about as Germany's worst team for a while, although I wonder if this talking is being done by anyone who watched Germany play in Euro 2000 or especially Euro 2004, where they were absolutely fucking awful. The absence of Ballack will not help their chances, but Schweinisteiger's new brio as a midfield general will help ease the burden. I'm in two minds about the Ockers: They have Timmy Cahill, which is good (I have a deep seated love of football that involves crosses, knockdowns and lung-busting midfielders; Cahill is all about this style of play, and is not adverse to the rough stuff), but they have Harry Kewell (who will apparently play as a lone centre forward; which would frankly be the most baffling decision of all time, although you'd have said that about Totti at Roma under Spalletti, and that worked), who is a bit of cunt, frankly. I think Australia were lucky to get out of their group four years ago (although heaven forbid I imply that Hiddink is not the absolute best manager ever), will probably finish bottom of the rather challenging group D, and will lose comfortably here. 2-0 sounds about right. I really hope Mario Gomez gets one of them, but probably he won't.
I am hoping to have got one score right, and four results. I won't though, they'll all be wrong. Except for England. Heskey hat-trick. Bosh.
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
Books
If you're anything like me (selfish lover, terrible workshy employee, incredibly lazy, chronic masturbator), you don't read many books because you'd rather watch TV or write a rubbish blog about the World Cup, and the books you do read are probably either ones you read before (because you don't like new challenges) or factual books about things like football or serial killers (because you are basically a repressed child who can only express his emotions through football and also have this morbid interest into Peter Sutcliffe). You're basically not much of human being. Anyway, if you are like that, and you want to know some good football books to read, here you are:
All Played Out, by Pete Davies. It's about England at the 1990 World Cup. Apparently it's a great read for anyone, but especially if, like me, you were a fan converted at Italia 90.
Why England Lose, by Simon Kuper and some other guy. It's trying to use economics and statistics to analyze football. It's probably a load of bollocks, but a good read nonetheless.
The Glory Game, by Hunter Davies. It follows Spurs through the 1971-2, which makes it difficult to read, because anyone in their right mind absolutely fucking hates Spurs with a passion. Davies got more insight than anyone else into how footballer's live their lives, apparently. It has fuck all relevance to modern footballers though, despite what anyone might try to claim. It's very highly regarded as one of the better books about football ever written. It's not though, All Played Out absolutely rapes it.
Brilliant Orange, by David Winner. It's actually a bit shit, this one. Incredibly pretentious book about Dutch football, Cruyff, Bergkamp etc. Full of grandiose shit about architecture as well though. Skim it, and then pretend you read it and that you love the Dutch for their history, rather than because they have orange shirts which really stood out in your first World Cup.
Inverting The Pyramid, by Jonathan Wilson. I was thrown off the Guardian website for claiming that I had a sexual relationship with the author of this book. Wilson basically wrote a book about the history of football tactics. It's easier to read than that sounds, and quite a good read, but the pretension of the idea pisses me off. Also, Wilson has rehashed chapters of this book as monthly posts on the Guardian website, giving them relevance by referring to current events; then a bunch of sycophants too stupid to think for themselves fawn over the blog and congratulate themselves for knowing more about football than the average man in the street because they use expressions like False Nine and Regista. Wankers.
So there you go. It's like the Times Literary Supplement in this post.
All Played Out, by Pete Davies. It's about England at the 1990 World Cup. Apparently it's a great read for anyone, but especially if, like me, you were a fan converted at Italia 90.
Why England Lose, by Simon Kuper and some other guy. It's trying to use economics and statistics to analyze football. It's probably a load of bollocks, but a good read nonetheless.
The Glory Game, by Hunter Davies. It follows Spurs through the 1971-2, which makes it difficult to read, because anyone in their right mind absolutely fucking hates Spurs with a passion. Davies got more insight than anyone else into how footballer's live their lives, apparently. It has fuck all relevance to modern footballers though, despite what anyone might try to claim. It's very highly regarded as one of the better books about football ever written. It's not though, All Played Out absolutely rapes it.
Brilliant Orange, by David Winner. It's actually a bit shit, this one. Incredibly pretentious book about Dutch football, Cruyff, Bergkamp etc. Full of grandiose shit about architecture as well though. Skim it, and then pretend you read it and that you love the Dutch for their history, rather than because they have orange shirts which really stood out in your first World Cup.
Inverting The Pyramid, by Jonathan Wilson. I was thrown off the Guardian website for claiming that I had a sexual relationship with the author of this book. Wilson basically wrote a book about the history of football tactics. It's easier to read than that sounds, and quite a good read, but the pretension of the idea pisses me off. Also, Wilson has rehashed chapters of this book as monthly posts on the Guardian website, giving them relevance by referring to current events; then a bunch of sycophants too stupid to think for themselves fawn over the blog and congratulate themselves for knowing more about football than the average man in the street because they use expressions like False Nine and Regista. Wankers.
So there you go. It's like the Times Literary Supplement in this post.
Monday, 7 June 2010
Penalty shoot-outs
It's actually very fucking simple, England have just never learned the lessons. And it's been staring us all right in the face for a long time.
England have lost five times in penalty shoot-outs, as we all know already. During that time, no fewer than ten players have missed. However, only one of these players has ever then taken a penalty again. He actually took two more. And he scored.
Other famous penalty shoot-out misses? Maradona vs Yugoslavia, 1990 (see Great World Cup Moments #1). What did he do? Take another one against Italy, at a vital moment (Italy had just missed a kick, through Donadoni). What did he do? Put it the same way and score.
Another one? Roberto Baggio. Misses in 1994 in USA, scores in 1998 vs France.
What Stuart Pearce shows us is that the only way to get the monkey off your back is to volunteer to take another one, bury it, and then roar like a lion.
If England go to penalties this year, they'll have no fewer than three players with penalty demons to exorcise: Lamps, Stevie G and Carra. Add Terry for his disappointing miss in Moscow. Rooney will take one, and score, because he's, you know, genuinely a world class player. And that's five out of five. Make sure to bring on Rob Green before the shoot-out (I guess he has the best saving record out the three keepers, although I could be wrong?), and we win. You still have Ashley Cole, Defoe and Barry if we need regular takers for sudden death. Stuart Pearce himself is on hand to do absolutely fuck all: he can spend an hour a day teaching players to celebrate defiantly after scoring.
Simple. Or should I say, Simples (No, I fucking shouldn't).
England have lost five times in penalty shoot-outs, as we all know already. During that time, no fewer than ten players have missed. However, only one of these players has ever then taken a penalty again. He actually took two more. And he scored.
Other famous penalty shoot-out misses? Maradona vs Yugoslavia, 1990 (see Great World Cup Moments #1). What did he do? Take another one against Italy, at a vital moment (Italy had just missed a kick, through Donadoni). What did he do? Put it the same way and score.
Another one? Roberto Baggio. Misses in 1994 in USA, scores in 1998 vs France.
What Stuart Pearce shows us is that the only way to get the monkey off your back is to volunteer to take another one, bury it, and then roar like a lion.
If England go to penalties this year, they'll have no fewer than three players with penalty demons to exorcise: Lamps, Stevie G and Carra. Add Terry for his disappointing miss in Moscow. Rooney will take one, and score, because he's, you know, genuinely a world class player. And that's five out of five. Make sure to bring on Rob Green before the shoot-out (I guess he has the best saving record out the three keepers, although I could be wrong?), and we win. You still have Ashley Cole, Defoe and Barry if we need regular takers for sudden death. Stuart Pearce himself is on hand to do absolutely fuck all: he can spend an hour a day teaching players to celebrate defiantly after scoring.
Simple. Or should I say, Simples (No, I fucking shouldn't).
Great World Cup Moments #7
Continuing the theme of rule breaking genius, El Diego. Not that you needed the link for this one, of course.
It is an undeniable fact of sport that winning is all that matters. Forget that hackneyed old shit you have to say to children about "taking part". That's for the Olympics, where it's hard to cheat without visits to San Fransisco's Bay Area first. Cheaters Do Prosper, provided they get away with it.
It's the ballsiness that makes the Hand Of God so glorious, of course. Firstly, that a man of five feet four should even attempt to give the impression that he could soar over six foot two goalkeeper Shilton to head the ball in. Secondly, the little check to see the goal had been given, before the Balls Out cheek of celebrating at least as energetically as he did for the second. Superbly done. And lastly, the coup de grace, "un poco con la cabeza de Maradona y otro poco con la mano de Dios".
Perhaps if the English weren't so fucking uptight we would be able to appreciate the bare-faced cheek a little better. Certainly there's a great deal of hypocrisy from a country self-righteously dining out on this absurd decision for forty odd fucking years. Even on Friday, Martin Peters claimed in that free rag they give away outside of tube stations that "Roger Hunt would have tapped it in if it wasn't over the line, so it must have been", overlooking the fact that any cursory glance at the 1966 final would have shown that Roger Hunt would probably have failed even at that. I wish he fucking had knocked it in, though. Although England wouldn't have The Only Player Ever To Score A Hat-Trick In The World Cup Final, we might have some moral ground for complaining about goals that should have been given, wouldn't we?
It is an undeniable fact of sport that winning is all that matters. Forget that hackneyed old shit you have to say to children about "taking part". That's for the Olympics, where it's hard to cheat without visits to San Fransisco's Bay Area first. Cheaters Do Prosper, provided they get away with it.
It's the ballsiness that makes the Hand Of God so glorious, of course. Firstly, that a man of five feet four should even attempt to give the impression that he could soar over six foot two goalkeeper Shilton to head the ball in. Secondly, the little check to see the goal had been given, before the Balls Out cheek of celebrating at least as energetically as he did for the second. Superbly done. And lastly, the coup de grace, "un poco con la cabeza de Maradona y otro poco con la mano de Dios".
Perhaps if the English weren't so fucking uptight we would be able to appreciate the bare-faced cheek a little better. Certainly there's a great deal of hypocrisy from a country self-righteously dining out on this absurd decision for forty odd fucking years. Even on Friday, Martin Peters claimed in that free rag they give away outside of tube stations that "Roger Hunt would have tapped it in if it wasn't over the line, so it must have been", overlooking the fact that any cursory glance at the 1966 final would have shown that Roger Hunt would probably have failed even at that. I wish he fucking had knocked it in, though. Although England wouldn't have The Only Player Ever To Score A Hat-Trick In The World Cup Final, we might have some moral ground for complaining about goals that should have been given, wouldn't we?
Any news stuff that came up over the weekend
The wonders of being able to schedule posts means that I was able to write up a whole bunch of predictable world cup memories and schedule one a day. I then had the misfortune of watching World Cup Shocking Talking Head Bollocks and Great World Cup Talking Head Bollocks which I had HDDed over the weekend, and discovered that it must have looked like I simply lifted all of my material from there, even down to my astute observations, making me look like the footballing equivalent of Michael McUntyre: the everyman whose mundane observations make a bunch of fucking simpletons feel warm and glowing because they could have thought of them (Simple rule for what constitutes good stand-up comedy: if I could make the same joke, you're shit. This rule makes McUntyre the worst fucking comedian ever).
That aside, the main news from the weekend was that France managed to lose to China. All of these friendly results have to be taken with a pinch of salt of course (players are apparently training to reach peak fitness at the start of the World Cup, so it is unsurprising that they look sluggish in warm-ups is the official creed), but still: France lost to China, who according to the Guardian, were missing several first choice players, like the lad who came to Everton so they could be sponsored by a Chinese beer, that lad who was at United for years but didn't even play when he got farmed out to Antwerp, and (probably) that long haired chap who liked to play in central defence for Palace, but couldn't head the ball or tackle.
France's woes are fairly well publicised, and I haven't watched them play since the play-offs, so my opinion won't count for much, but they are in a curious position in the tournament in that their group is at once tricky and yet not that tricky: whilst France cannot be confident about winning any of their matches given present form and South Africa's home advantage, neither Uruguay nor Mexico seem especially imposing. If France can win the group, their draw to the semi final (Greece, South Korea or Nigeria; one of England, USA, Serbia, Ghana or Australia) is about as good as you could hope for.
The overall conclusion to draw from the fact that a French team boasting Ribery, Evra, Abidal, Lloris, Gourcuff, Anelka and declining forces in Henry and Gallas are not even fancied to get out of their group by some pundits can only lead to the conclusion that the old theory that Zidane was picking and running the team between his return in 2005 and his exit in 2006 is true, and that Domenech truly is as hapless a manager as it appeared at Euro 2008. Put Capello at the helm of the French, and one feels the outlook would be somewhat more positive.
The other news is that Drogba is injured but will probably play with some sort of sling in Ivory Coast's first two matches, before the two bookings he gets rules him out their third. I have rarely seen Drogba reach his Chelsea form for Ivory Coast, and he often suffers from the same fate as Samuel Etoo when playing for Cameroon: trying to do everything. Drogba's performance vs Argentina in 2006 summed this up, as his frantic attempts to pull his team back into the match extended to taking throw ins and trying to style himself as a playmaker. Unsurprisingly, Ivory Coast looked far more effective when he played as a centre forward, and scored in the match. Personally, I'm merely hoping he is fit enough to play against Brazil, so we can enjoy more of Didier battling against Lucio: two great technical players who can outmuscle virtually any opponent when they want whose gut instinct is to fling themselves to ground as often as possible. Can't wait.
Arjen Robben's injury is not news, however; the real news would have been if Robben had been able fit to play in more than two of Halland's five matches. What is certain, and this is a Rafa Benitez Guarantee, is that Robben will be fit enough to play a part in Holland's second round match with (whoever that is against, I haven't memorised the whole fucking wall-chart. The runners up of Italy's group? Slovakia?), and play well and probably score, but then come the quarter final with Brazil, he will be up the ladder. You can take that prediction to the bank.
Ledley King is apparently first choice in line to replace Crocked Captain Rio (I thought I'd better research this column at notw.co.uk). JT, Ledders, Upson, Dawson and best of all, Carra. Whilst they all have their undeniable qualities (least not "being able to foul opponents in the area without a penalty being given" in the case of the former and especially latter), Turning Around Quickly is not in any of their lockers. But fuck all that, World Cups are not won with negative thinking: Come On England.
That aside, the main news from the weekend was that France managed to lose to China. All of these friendly results have to be taken with a pinch of salt of course (players are apparently training to reach peak fitness at the start of the World Cup, so it is unsurprising that they look sluggish in warm-ups is the official creed), but still: France lost to China, who according to the Guardian, were missing several first choice players, like the lad who came to Everton so they could be sponsored by a Chinese beer, that lad who was at United for years but didn't even play when he got farmed out to Antwerp, and (probably) that long haired chap who liked to play in central defence for Palace, but couldn't head the ball or tackle.
France's woes are fairly well publicised, and I haven't watched them play since the play-offs, so my opinion won't count for much, but they are in a curious position in the tournament in that their group is at once tricky and yet not that tricky: whilst France cannot be confident about winning any of their matches given present form and South Africa's home advantage, neither Uruguay nor Mexico seem especially imposing. If France can win the group, their draw to the semi final (Greece, South Korea or Nigeria; one of England, USA, Serbia, Ghana or Australia) is about as good as you could hope for.
The overall conclusion to draw from the fact that a French team boasting Ribery, Evra, Abidal, Lloris, Gourcuff, Anelka and declining forces in Henry and Gallas are not even fancied to get out of their group by some pundits can only lead to the conclusion that the old theory that Zidane was picking and running the team between his return in 2005 and his exit in 2006 is true, and that Domenech truly is as hapless a manager as it appeared at Euro 2008. Put Capello at the helm of the French, and one feels the outlook would be somewhat more positive.
The other news is that Drogba is injured but will probably play with some sort of sling in Ivory Coast's first two matches, before the two bookings he gets rules him out their third. I have rarely seen Drogba reach his Chelsea form for Ivory Coast, and he often suffers from the same fate as Samuel Etoo when playing for Cameroon: trying to do everything. Drogba's performance vs Argentina in 2006 summed this up, as his frantic attempts to pull his team back into the match extended to taking throw ins and trying to style himself as a playmaker. Unsurprisingly, Ivory Coast looked far more effective when he played as a centre forward, and scored in the match. Personally, I'm merely hoping he is fit enough to play against Brazil, so we can enjoy more of Didier battling against Lucio: two great technical players who can outmuscle virtually any opponent when they want whose gut instinct is to fling themselves to ground as often as possible. Can't wait.
Arjen Robben's injury is not news, however; the real news would have been if Robben had been able fit to play in more than two of Halland's five matches. What is certain, and this is a Rafa Benitez Guarantee, is that Robben will be fit enough to play a part in Holland's second round match with (whoever that is against, I haven't memorised the whole fucking wall-chart. The runners up of Italy's group? Slovakia?), and play well and probably score, but then come the quarter final with Brazil, he will be up the ladder. You can take that prediction to the bank.
Ledley King is apparently first choice in line to replace Crocked Captain Rio (I thought I'd better research this column at notw.co.uk). JT, Ledders, Upson, Dawson and best of all, Carra. Whilst they all have their undeniable qualities (least not "being able to foul opponents in the area without a penalty being given" in the case of the former and especially latter), Turning Around Quickly is not in any of their lockers. But fuck all that, World Cups are not won with negative thinking: Come On England.
Sunday, 6 June 2010
Great World Cup Moments #6
On a similar note to the last moment, I give you: Benjamin Massing.
I have happy memories of playing a game called Foul Football at school, based on a fairly simple premise: it was football, but you were allowed to foul. I'm sure I'm not alone amongst my readers in having played something similar, and equally not alone in taking such enjoyment from basically trying to cripple your opponent. Your opponent sprints faster to avoid your tackle, which merely makes it more enjoyable to send him flying.
Benjamin Massing obviously must have enjoyed similar games growing up in Cameroon, since he brought a similar style of play to Italia 90. His foul on Caniggia requires little comment, other than Massing's apparent determination to ensure that Caniggia, who for once in that World Cup (his career? Claudio was a top player, but liked a dive) actually stayed on his feet through two thuggish challenges during his sprint at the defence, will not be able to shrug off his challenge: the challenge is otherwise best described by Alan Pardew.
Fortunately, Massing had finished his suspension by the time Cameroon faced England, and he was able to (absolutely, completely and with no suspicion of play-acting from a resolute English gentleman, who never recieved a yellow card in his whole career) trip Lineker to allow England to equalise in the momentous quarter final match-up.
I have happy memories of playing a game called Foul Football at school, based on a fairly simple premise: it was football, but you were allowed to foul. I'm sure I'm not alone amongst my readers in having played something similar, and equally not alone in taking such enjoyment from basically trying to cripple your opponent. Your opponent sprints faster to avoid your tackle, which merely makes it more enjoyable to send him flying.
Benjamin Massing obviously must have enjoyed similar games growing up in Cameroon, since he brought a similar style of play to Italia 90. His foul on Caniggia requires little comment, other than Massing's apparent determination to ensure that Caniggia, who for once in that World Cup (his career? Claudio was a top player, but liked a dive) actually stayed on his feet through two thuggish challenges during his sprint at the defence, will not be able to shrug off his challenge: the challenge is otherwise best described by Alan Pardew.
Fortunately, Massing had finished his suspension by the time Cameroon faced England, and he was able to (absolutely, completely and with no suspicion of play-acting from a resolute English gentleman, who never recieved a yellow card in his whole career) trip Lineker to allow England to equalise in the momentous quarter final match-up.
Friday, 4 June 2010
Rio5 in out of the World Cup shock ... but all is not lost
The silver lining on this seemingly large cloud is of course that with Rio out injured, the armband will pass to Gerrard, a proven inspirational leader. The Liverpool captaincy has only brought the best out of Stevie G.
People often comment on Gerrard's disappointing performances in international tournaments, having never really done anything. However, in Euro 2004, Stevie was completely distracted by a potential move to Chelsea. Which of us wouldn't be distracted by having such a difficult decision to make, one that would involve moving house, a new job etc. Difficult stuff.
It seemed a bit strange to read that apparently Gerrard was still blaming transfer talk linking him to Chelsea two years later, despite the fact that by 2006, Chelsea had (a) signed Michael Essien to play on the right of the midfield three when Gerrard didn't join them in 2005 (b) just signed genuinely world class midfielder Michael Ballack (ahem) and (c) did not make any attempt to sign Gerrard at all in 2006, having had their time wasted for the previous two summers.
Still, fortunately for England, Captain Gerrard will be completely distraction free this summer, and ready to focus on the World Cup.
Unless they give the armband back to JT, of course ...
People often comment on Gerrard's disappointing performances in international tournaments, having never really done anything. However, in Euro 2004, Stevie was completely distracted by a potential move to Chelsea. Which of us wouldn't be distracted by having such a difficult decision to make, one that would involve moving house, a new job etc. Difficult stuff.
It seemed a bit strange to read that apparently Gerrard was still blaming transfer talk linking him to Chelsea two years later, despite the fact that by 2006, Chelsea had (a) signed Michael Essien to play on the right of the midfield three when Gerrard didn't join them in 2005 (b) just signed genuinely world class midfielder Michael Ballack (ahem) and (c) did not make any attempt to sign Gerrard at all in 2006, having had their time wasted for the previous two summers.
Still, fortunately for England, Captain Gerrard will be completely distraction free this summer, and ready to focus on the World Cup.
Unless they give the armband back to JT, of course ...
4 Gerrard, 8 Lampard
Let me make it clear from the offing that I personally feel that any more discussion of this fucking subject could drive me to drive around Cumbria (too soon?) with a shotgun hanging out of the window and plead "prolonged discussion of whether Gerrard and Lampard can play in the same midfield" as the cause in my murder-suicide note.
That aside, I'll try to be brief:
That aside, I'll try to be brief:
- England rarely lost with Gerrard and Lampard in midfield, despite what fucking idiots think. This is not entirely relevant to the main argument, but still.
- Lampard is a brilliant midfielder, whose poor form at WC 2006 somehow allowed moronic fans to ignore his superb form in Euro 2004, every qualifiying campaign with England, every year with Chelsea, his vital Champions League goals, etc. etc. Lampard is a great passer, he puts in a shift, he scores shitloads of goals, he doesn't shirk responsibility ...
- Gerrard is not a particularly good central midfield player, despite his early promise. Somewhere between 2002 and 2004, he became far better if he played in a more advanced role, and now has very little tactical discipline. He is also unbelievably shit at backpasses.
- England therefore would be far better off selecting a different player alongside Lampard. Gareth Barry, whilst not exactly Wolfgang fucking Overath, is a decent player, who can pass the ball, win the ball, and remain in a consistent position for about 90 minutes, which is the role Gerrard was generally given when he played with Lampard. A role that he, as established above, is shit at.
- Gerrard is a fairly good attacking player, and has a reputation for moments of individual genius for his club, particularly when most required. Therefore, Gerrard probably deserves his place in the national side, as long as he's not used in central midfield.
- However, Gareth Barry has become injured (imagine trying to nurture a belief that you could win the World Cup and then believing that an injury to Gareth Batty would somehow derail it? If Gareth Barry is vital to your team, you're not about to win the World Cup). England will thus require a different partner to Lampard.
- Michael Carrick and James Milner are the other central midfielders in the England squad. Despite being fairly limited in the position, Gerrard is clearly the best other option to start in central midfield. So he'll play there until Barry's fit, and then he won't play there.
So it's not really rocket science; if I can understand it, I'm sure Capello can. Or in any sense brief, for that matter. Fuck, reareading that is like watching Shoah. I'm already twitching, and I fucking wrote it. If that cunt Richard Williams writes anymore about these two, I'm going to have to start carrying around Xanax and bibles.
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
The reason I don't want England to win the World Cup
Of course, the post is based on a phony premise, because I do want England to win the World Cup mostly; I am English after all. But there remains a large part that longs for a flukey run to the semi-final, a brave defeat, and a dignified fourth place (Italia 90, if you don't quite understand my psyche yet). And the main reason for that is simple: I hate the way that the vast majority of the populace think they are entitled to celebrate England's sporting victory when they don't know anything about sport. And in particular, I'm talking about females.
I fucking hated winning the Rugby World Cup, as a bunch of women - women! - who had never watched the sport before suddenly were expert enough to bask in the glory. I fucking hated winning the Ashes (cricket is the most minority interest sport there is, and suddenly, everyone's a fucking fan). Imagine how much fucking worse it would be to win the World Cup.
There are people who have put in the hard yards. There are people who remember Graham Taylor's idea of a team selection in Euro 92. There are people who have made a serious investment over the years. And I don't want to share my return on that investment with idiots and most of all fucking women, who never know as much as they think they do about the game. So pipe down and fuck off.
So our third semi-final would be absolutely fucking brilliant. But I'd rather another QF penalties defeat than have the women of England think they know anything about football. Because you fucking don't.
I fucking hated winning the Rugby World Cup, as a bunch of women - women! - who had never watched the sport before suddenly were expert enough to bask in the glory. I fucking hated winning the Ashes (cricket is the most minority interest sport there is, and suddenly, everyone's a fucking fan). Imagine how much fucking worse it would be to win the World Cup.
There are people who have put in the hard yards. There are people who remember Graham Taylor's idea of a team selection in Euro 92. There are people who have made a serious investment over the years. And I don't want to share my return on that investment with idiots and most of all fucking women, who never know as much as they think they do about the game. So pipe down and fuck off.
So our third semi-final would be absolutely fucking brilliant. But I'd rather another QF penalties defeat than have the women of England think they know anything about football. Because you fucking don't.
Tuesday, 1 June 2010
Great World Cup Moments #2
The taking of Nafplion.I was lucky enough to go on an "educational" trip to Greece during part of the 1998 World Cup. I say "educational"; 7 17 year old boys, each a less experience drinker than the last, one eccentric teacher, relaxed Mediterranean approach to teenage drinking, and a decent World Cup made for a memorable few days. The night England played Argentina saw us ejected from two bars, some of the least offensive hooliganism of the last forty years (witness us pulling up "do not walk on the grass signs"), a heady pub crawl and an unexpected fully clothed dip (read tumble) in the sea; little remains as memorable as the game though.
Being abroad only enhanced the match, I think, in that our obnoxious, drunken patriotism seemed to turn every Greek in the town into an Argie for the night. Maybe I'd remember the England Portugal '06 game in a similar light in these circumstances. But I think the reason this game is so memorable is the fact that it was fought by Men. Seaman, Adams, Ince, Batty, Shearer: these were Men of character and determination, Men with whom you would not wish to have a fight. I know it's an age thing, because I was younger than Owen in 1998, and I've been older than a good percentage of the team since 2002. But this was the last time that I was a kid watching men play for England, and coincidentally, or perhaps not, the last time I gave a shit about our prospects.
No Theo?
Early news reports state that Theo Walcott has been omitted from England's World Cup squad.
On the face of it, it's not especially stirring news. You can only take so many five foot six right wingers who will struggle to make an impact against top defences due to their inability to deliver consistent product.
Yet Walcott is a bizarre curate's egg of a player; for all the criticism of his lack of footballing sense, and inability to cross a ball reliably, he has an unerring ability to come good on the big occasion. The biggest matches of Walcott's young career come along, and he delivers. 2007 League Cup Final: scores. 2009 FA Cup Semi Final: scores. 2008 Champions League Quarter Final at Liverpool: glorious assist. Starts in Zagreb: scores a hat-trick. In 1983: no one died.
Criticism of Walcott on the grounds that he doesn't deliver consistently seem profoundly misplaced. To be honest, I don't want a winger that might worry Nadir Belhadj but disappear when he faces anyone of note. You can afford to carry a couple of shit players against minnows: look at Brazil in 2006. Whilst heavily criticised at the time, in retrospect reaching the quarter finals with six vastly underperforming players was little short of genius. What you need is someone who will deliver his best against the best opponent. Theo would have given us that.
Sick as a parrot.
On the face of it, it's not especially stirring news. You can only take so many five foot six right wingers who will struggle to make an impact against top defences due to their inability to deliver consistent product.
Yet Walcott is a bizarre curate's egg of a player; for all the criticism of his lack of footballing sense, and inability to cross a ball reliably, he has an unerring ability to come good on the big occasion. The biggest matches of Walcott's young career come along, and he delivers. 2007 League Cup Final: scores. 2009 FA Cup Semi Final: scores. 2008 Champions League Quarter Final at Liverpool: glorious assist. Starts in Zagreb: scores a hat-trick. In 1983: no one died.
Criticism of Walcott on the grounds that he doesn't deliver consistently seem profoundly misplaced. To be honest, I don't want a winger that might worry Nadir Belhadj but disappear when he faces anyone of note. You can afford to carry a couple of shit players against minnows: look at Brazil in 2006. Whilst heavily criticised at the time, in retrospect reaching the quarter finals with six vastly underperforming players was little short of genius. What you need is someone who will deliver his best against the best opponent. Theo would have given us that.
Sick as a parrot.
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