England vs Slovenia

Or Thank Fuck.

I've decided to write about matches in a list form instead of cliche ridden match report trype bollocks.

1) Thank Fuck For That. And I'm not talking about England's win. Everyone who is everyone (except, curiously, ITV1) has been telling us ever since the USA game that we should play Gerrard behind Rooney, or bring in an extra man in midfield, that Gerrard can't play from the left, that Rooney has to be the main striker, that we have to play 4-2-3-1; I had prepared a piece of the usual old bollocks about how England had to bring in an extra midfielder, and how the consistent problem was being outnumbered in midfield. Thank fuck that Capello doesn't have to listen to a bunch of cretins who have never played or even fully understood a game of football we've ever watched then, and simply selected the team he thought would win the game. Milner? He doesn't have enough pace to offer an outlet on the right. Rooney? Wasted playing off the striker. Defoe? All he does is score, never plays any part in the buildup.

Basically, I (I don't like to speak for you, although I suspect you're in the same boat) know fuck all about football, and should stick to drinking lager (or vodka and water, Mart) and criticising pundits.

2) I've been quite confused about the England squad for some time. I was always under the impression that number 11 Joe Cole was the Chelsea player whose career has been pretty much going backward since 2006. Apparently though, they picked some other guy, with magic boots who could Unlock Defences merely with a wave of his right foot. When they said he was coming on, I got really excited and started telling the baby he was about to see something really special. Turns out it was the scruffy guy, who has never put three decent performances together in a row in his life, and whose club doesn't even think he's better than Salomon Bloody Kalou.

3) Milner of course simply defied my concerns about playing him on the right by putting in a shift, working hard, and CROSSING the ball. You'd think, given the fact that I was saying a few days ago that Beckham would still walk into this team on the virtue of being able to cross the ball accurately, that I would be in favour of an unflashy player who was all about product being given a try on the wing. But no, I wanted another chance for Lennon; I was wrong.

4) Defoe, a player who I cannot stand for unknown reason, always makes me look like a plum; I don't think he is a particularly useful player due to the fact that all he ever does is look to shoot. He has precious use for anything else, isn't great at pressing, never passes, can't hold the ball up ... it's very clear why he's never moved to a big club, and I don't think he's a player who can hack it at the highest level, due to his limited game. However, complaining about a player who lives to score goals whilst in my head, Gary Lineker is somewhere up there with Christ and Buddha in the pantheon seems a little bit dumb. And of course, Defoe scored. I'll probably start an online petition for him to be dropped before Germany, but fuck it, I was wrong. Again.

5) Gerrard actually did what he was told, and played an advanced midfield role, starting from the left, and came inside to join with Rooney, and made sure he defended in front of Cole. Will wonders never cease?

6) Slovenia were quite shit; England were quite good. It's clear that the confidence was absolutely shot after Green's mistake, and this went on to affect the Algeria match ... hopefully this result and performance will encourage belief amongst the players.

7) Rooney will now be even more unfit vs Germany. Yay!