Penalty shoot-outs

It's actually very fucking simple, England have just never learned the lessons. And it's been staring us all right in the face for a long time.

England have lost five times in penalty shoot-outs, as we all know already. During that time, no fewer than ten players have missed. However, only one of these players has ever then taken a penalty again. He actually took two more. And he scored.

Other famous penalty shoot-out misses? Maradona vs Yugoslavia, 1990 (see Great World Cup Moments #1). What did he do? Take another one against Italy, at a vital moment (Italy had just missed a kick, through Donadoni). What did he do? Put it the same way and score.

Another one? Roberto Baggio. Misses in 1994 in USA, scores in 1998 vs France.

What Stuart Pearce shows us is that the only way to get the monkey off your back is to volunteer to take another one, bury it, and then roar like a lion.

If England go to penalties this year, they'll have no fewer than three players with penalty demons to exorcise: Lamps, Stevie G and Carra. Add Terry for his disappointing miss in Moscow. Rooney will take one, and score, because he's, you know, genuinely a world class player. And that's five out of five. Make sure to bring on Rob Green before the shoot-out (I guess he has the best saving record out the three keepers, although I could be wrong?), and we win. You still have Ashley Cole, Defoe and Barry if we need regular takers for sudden death. Stuart Pearce himself is on hand to do absolutely fuck all: he can spend an hour a day teaching players to celebrate defiantly after scoring.

Simple. Or should I say, Simples (No, I fucking shouldn't).