Player of the Tournament
Bastian Schweinsteiger (Germany)
Bastian was pretty much the best central midfielder on show here, and would have improved almost any side at the tournament. Even against Spain, where he was outmatched by Xavi, Xabi and Iniesta, he still raged brilliantly against the dying of the light, getting stuck in and almost waging a one man war at times. His performances against Australia, England and Argentina were superb, especially the latter. A great tournament for a young man who initially promised sporadically as a winger, and now seems completely at home in central midfield.
The runners up were Iniesta, who got better as the tournament went on and deserved to score the winner in the final, and obviously Forlan, who was immense for Uruguay.
Young player of the tournament
Thomas Mueller (Germany)
Could have been either Meuller or Oezil here, Mueller just gets the nod. He looked fairly average to me in the Champions League, but here was exceptional attacking from the right. Decent technique, direct, a good finisher, a good worker and great off the ball movement made Mueller a key part of the German counter-attacking machine.
Runners-up: Oezil, who should have a great future; De Wiel, who I though defended pretty well, and did a decent job on Iniesta 'til he started coming inside a bit more.
Game of the Tournament
England vs Germany
Whilst not in any sense enjoyable at the time, aside from a certain masochistic amusement when the fourth goal went in, this game was by far the best in the tournament: calamitous defending, controversial decisions, great goals, and it should finally send the message to English fans that we are second tier. Perhaps the only disappointment about the game is that Lampard's goal wasn't allowed to stand: a 6-2 defeat might have been even more extraordinary.
Runners up: there aren't many to choose from, really. Urugay vs Ghana was fairly epic, Argentina vs Germany was like England vs Germany without the emotional attachment or drama, Uruguay vs Holland was dramatic but fairly low quality ... the last twenty minutes of Slovakia vs Italy were great.
Goal of the tournament
Fuck it, due to the BBC's bizarre omission of it from their goal of the tournament, it was Bendtner vs Cameroon: a precise howitzer pass from Kjaer, perfect first touch from Rommedahl, a brilliant low cross, finish by the underrated Bendtner (I know he usually looks shit, but the lad's shaping up to be a genuine clutch player at times).
Runners-up: Luis Fabiano vs Chile, where a lovely Kaka pass sent him through, Tevez vs Mexico, a bomb of a shot.
Biggest Disappointment
I don't think Italy or France's campaigns were that unexpected, frankly; so the biggest disappointment must be the form of Wayne Rooney. I have harboured the belief that Rooney's injury at the end of March and too-soon return to action majorly affected his form and led to his terrible performances, but I think some analysis of his ability to cope with the pressure of being England's key man is too much for him is probably necessary; he seemed to shrink under the pressure of hype that he would be capable of leading England to the final or somewhere near. I find the gripes that Rooney should have been played in a lone centre forward role to get the best out of him hilarious at this point: Rooney's touch and feel for the ball and his fitness level were highly questionable, and would probably have been exposed even more as a lone centre forward. Frankly, he was poor, and whilst I'm sure a few good games for United will have the media raving again, I don't know that I will forget this in a hurry.
Team of the Tournament
Obviously this isn't going to be a team with the eleven best players of this tournament in, I'm far too biased against Spain for that ...
Casillas (Spain); Lahm (Germany), Puyol (Spain), Lucio (Brazil). Coentrao (Portugal); Annan (Ghana), Schweinsteiger (Germany); Mueller (Germany), Iniesta (Spain), Villa (Spain); Forlan (Uruguay)
Subs: Eduardo (Portugal), Ramos (Spain), Friedrich (Germany), Van Bronckhorst (Holland), Xavi (Spain), Boateng (Ghana), Ozil (Germany), Sneijder (Holland), Robben (Holland), Suarez (Uruguay), Honda (Japan)
Casillas was wonderful in the knockout stages, Lahm just creeps ahead of Ramos, Lucio survives despite Brazil's capitulation to Holland, Coentrao looks one to watch, I loved Annan and Schweinsteiger, and kept banging on about them. Mueller and Forlan are obvious picks who need no explaining. Villa looked an absolute star playing from the left, and to be honest, Spain should have kept him there throughout the latter stages, and might not have needed extra time in the final.
Showing posts with label Schnell schnell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Schnell schnell. Show all posts
Monday, 12 July 2010
Thursday, 8 July 2010
Spain vs Germany
Instead of match analysis, I'm just going to try to get to the bottom of my views about Spain. Ultimately, I don't like Spain.
I have made no attempt in the blog to hide the fact that I don't like the Spanish national football team. It's not easy to explain why; they are capable of scintillating football that few other teams could equal, I am a fan of football and someone who feels they can appreciate good play, therefore I should like them. The meta-narrative (it cannot be underestimated how important his is in the watching of top-level sport) of the Spanish team is fairly good as well: a team who have bottled it for a long time finally come to terms with their big name players and manage to blend them into a successful unit, at the same time getting rid of their best-known and perhaps most talented player (Raul), and manage to become the opposite of chokers. It's great to see a team change like this one has; at the last World Cup Spain were easily one of the better teams, but they did not have the bottle to perform when it counted. Now they do, and this should be admired. However, I just don't like Spain.
I used to like Spain, back when they bottled big tournaments: I was gutted when they were robbed in South Korea, desperate for them to beat Spain at Euro 2000. But I don't like them now. I sometimes think there's something joyless in their play, and they have never completely taken a team apart in the way that they dismantled Russia twice in the Euros, or the way Germany have gone through teams here. The constant possession means that the Spanish control games, but they are not exciting games, and you knew sitting down to watch Spain vs Paraguay that it was not going to be a pulsating encounter, unless Paraguay managed to take the lead.
And it's not just the fact that Spain are vastly superior to their opponents that make the match dull. I quite warmed to Brazil, who played perhaps the most defensively orientated football in their history. I could claim that I found some of the interplay between Kaka and Robinho sensational, and look at the Luis Fabiano goal against Chile and say "this is why I like watching this Brazil play", but the truth is that the Spain goals against Portugal and Paraguay were no less cutting than Brazil's. Spain have played football at times that is as good as anyone else in the tournament; I just don't like Spain.
I admire the possession football, I really do. In an age of counter attack, where the priority is on defensive solidity and attacking from deep a la Holland or Brazil, or Mourinho's Inter, it is courageous of Spain to attempt to control the game through possession. And they are very good at it: when they take the lead, they win. This has been the case for what 4 years, 3 years? However, whilst when the ball is moved quickly they can slice teams apart, the majority of possession is slow and around midfield, and I cannot profess to finding it exciting. Truth is, I can't be arsed to watch it when I'm drunk. And it's the World Cup, I'm going to be drunk. I might admire it, but I just don't like watching Spain play.
My biggest problem with Spain though, is not something that they can do anything about: it is the fawning fucking media. Sickening broadsheet toadyism, the constant online wanking of tactic nazis, and most of all the BBC; how these bastards have the nerve to present a series of 1-0 wins as genius and a victory for attacking football is beyond me. Simply put, these cunts could make me dislike my own fucking family with five minutes of hindsight based blathering.
So perhaps it is not Spain's fault entirely; they are merely playing technically excellent football that wins matches, and responding to the pressure in a way that decades worth of their countrymen could only dream about. I am basically 97% certain that on Sunday, Spain will lift the World Cup. But while they continue to get a very public media blowjob, they will never earn the most important thing: my heart.
I have made no attempt in the blog to hide the fact that I don't like the Spanish national football team. It's not easy to explain why; they are capable of scintillating football that few other teams could equal, I am a fan of football and someone who feels they can appreciate good play, therefore I should like them. The meta-narrative (it cannot be underestimated how important his is in the watching of top-level sport) of the Spanish team is fairly good as well: a team who have bottled it for a long time finally come to terms with their big name players and manage to blend them into a successful unit, at the same time getting rid of their best-known and perhaps most talented player (Raul), and manage to become the opposite of chokers. It's great to see a team change like this one has; at the last World Cup Spain were easily one of the better teams, but they did not have the bottle to perform when it counted. Now they do, and this should be admired. However, I just don't like Spain.
I used to like Spain, back when they bottled big tournaments: I was gutted when they were robbed in South Korea, desperate for them to beat Spain at Euro 2000. But I don't like them now. I sometimes think there's something joyless in their play, and they have never completely taken a team apart in the way that they dismantled Russia twice in the Euros, or the way Germany have gone through teams here. The constant possession means that the Spanish control games, but they are not exciting games, and you knew sitting down to watch Spain vs Paraguay that it was not going to be a pulsating encounter, unless Paraguay managed to take the lead.
And it's not just the fact that Spain are vastly superior to their opponents that make the match dull. I quite warmed to Brazil, who played perhaps the most defensively orientated football in their history. I could claim that I found some of the interplay between Kaka and Robinho sensational, and look at the Luis Fabiano goal against Chile and say "this is why I like watching this Brazil play", but the truth is that the Spain goals against Portugal and Paraguay were no less cutting than Brazil's. Spain have played football at times that is as good as anyone else in the tournament; I just don't like Spain.
I admire the possession football, I really do. In an age of counter attack, where the priority is on defensive solidity and attacking from deep a la Holland or Brazil, or Mourinho's Inter, it is courageous of Spain to attempt to control the game through possession. And they are very good at it: when they take the lead, they win. This has been the case for what 4 years, 3 years? However, whilst when the ball is moved quickly they can slice teams apart, the majority of possession is slow and around midfield, and I cannot profess to finding it exciting. Truth is, I can't be arsed to watch it when I'm drunk. And it's the World Cup, I'm going to be drunk. I might admire it, but I just don't like watching Spain play.
My biggest problem with Spain though, is not something that they can do anything about: it is the fawning fucking media. Sickening broadsheet toadyism, the constant online wanking of tactic nazis, and most of all the BBC; how these bastards have the nerve to present a series of 1-0 wins as genius and a victory for attacking football is beyond me. Simply put, these cunts could make me dislike my own fucking family with five minutes of hindsight based blathering.
So perhaps it is not Spain's fault entirely; they are merely playing technically excellent football that wins matches, and responding to the pressure in a way that decades worth of their countrymen could only dream about. I am basically 97% certain that on Sunday, Spain will lift the World Cup. But while they continue to get a very public media blowjob, they will never earn the most important thing: my heart.
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
Germany vs Argentina
1) Argentina obviously didn't watch the England or Australia (or Serbia or Ghana) games closely enough. You need five men in midfield against Germany. Argentina'a approach of leaving Mascherano with Di Maria and Rodriguez working the flanks was absurd.
2) Thomas Mueller didn't look anything special in the Champions League games I saw; however he is clearly a real talent. Hard working, decent game awareness, great movement, a good touch, and a goalscorer to boot. He might be missed against Spain.
3) Klose deserves his place up in the pantheon of World Cup goalscorers. You don't score 14 goals in World Cups without being a decent taker of chances and without having sufficient ability to be in place to score in the first place.
4) Bastian Schweinsteiger has been by far the best midfielder on show in this tournament.
5) A slightly off-colour Messi is not good enough to simply win matches all by himself. To be honest, I doubt if he is good enough to win matches all by himself even on top form; perhaps some recognition that he plays in front of two of the finest midfielders on earth with some fabulous forwards alongside is due. Messi may be one of the great players of all time, certainly he often looks like the best player in the world; perhaps a little less deification is necessary though. The truth is that each star who has been built up for this tournament has disappointed in the face of the hype placed on them; the hype needs to stop. Teams are always more important than individuals anway.
2) Thomas Mueller didn't look anything special in the Champions League games I saw; however he is clearly a real talent. Hard working, decent game awareness, great movement, a good touch, and a goalscorer to boot. He might be missed against Spain.
3) Klose deserves his place up in the pantheon of World Cup goalscorers. You don't score 14 goals in World Cups without being a decent taker of chances and without having sufficient ability to be in place to score in the first place.
4) Bastian Schweinsteiger has been by far the best midfielder on show in this tournament.
5) A slightly off-colour Messi is not good enough to simply win matches all by himself. To be honest, I doubt if he is good enough to win matches all by himself even on top form; perhaps some recognition that he plays in front of two of the finest midfielders on earth with some fabulous forwards alongside is due. Messi may be one of the great players of all time, certainly he often looks like the best player in the world; perhaps a little less deification is necessary though. The truth is that each star who has been built up for this tournament has disappointed in the face of the hype placed on them; the hype needs to stop. Teams are always more important than individuals anway.
Thursday, 24 June 2010
Germany vs Ghana
1) The problem with these games they play at the same time is that you want to watch both, so end up watching neither. I haven't written about Argentina vs Greece or Nigeria vs South Korea because I spent the whole game flicking between the two of them. I was a bit more disciplined last night, because I have taken quite a shine to the Black Stars of Ghana, who really should have got something out of this match.
2) Annan, who sits in front of the back four for Ghana, has been one of the players of the tournament so far; it seemed in the first half against Serbia that he was simply a studs-up merchant, but he's actually played some seriously tidy football in every Ghana game. His positioning is excellent, he gets stuck in, he rarely wastes the ball, and almost gets forward on occasion. He would cut it in the Premier League with ease, and I expect to see someone make a bid for him. I suppose one criticism would be that he wasn't close enough to Ozil to stop him scoring, otherwise I thought he was excellent.
3) Ozil, on the other hand, was fairly quiet apart from a missed chance and scoring probably the second best goal of the tournament so far. He'll need to be picked up fairly consistently by England, but as long as he's not in space the whole time, I don't think he's as good as he looked against Australia, who pressed ahead of him, and then just let him wander about between the lines. Not that I have any faith in Gareth Barry to do any sort of job on him.
4) Asamoah should really have scored when through on goal: I haven't been impressed by either him or Prince Tagoe and they, along with the limitations of the hardworking Gyan, are the reason that Ghana did not win the group: they do not have sharp enough players in the top 4 of the side. Their defence is decent, and Boateng and Annan are excellent. Excepting Ayew, the quality is not there further forward though.
5) Schweinsteiger and Lahm really are excellent players. Schweinsteiger hardly wastes the ball. Lahm can be exposed at the very top level (Milito, Torres), but against most opponents he just gets on with it and does his job back and forward.
6) In terms of their future prospects, Ghana and the US will be fascinating, in that the US are far stronger when they are bombing forward, and Ghana would prefer to counter from a fairly organised, rugged defence. Hopefully Ghana will win; either side will remind England how crucial it would have been for either Rooney or Defoe to have buried straightforward second half chances.
Germany will of course be playing England. I have learnt my lesson, and would not even begin to assume what England should do against Germany, because as was demonstrated, I (fuck it, we) know fuck all about football. I reckon the key though will be to make Khedira and Schweinsteiger have to play fairly deep, through Rooney, Gerrard and Lampard, and to have someone reasonably close to Ozil. They will also be fairly vulnerable whoever is playing at left-back: Badstuber was dropped, Boateng is not a left back, and quite how Marcell Jansen must feel about being dropped for a player who doesn't even play in that position is questionable. Friedrich doesn't look that good either.
England can beat Germany, of that I have little doubt: Germany are nowhere near as good as they seemed to be as they picked their way through Australia's terrible defence. Ghana should have secured at least a draw last night, after all (yes, I'm assuming that England are better than Ghana).
2) Annan, who sits in front of the back four for Ghana, has been one of the players of the tournament so far; it seemed in the first half against Serbia that he was simply a studs-up merchant, but he's actually played some seriously tidy football in every Ghana game. His positioning is excellent, he gets stuck in, he rarely wastes the ball, and almost gets forward on occasion. He would cut it in the Premier League with ease, and I expect to see someone make a bid for him. I suppose one criticism would be that he wasn't close enough to Ozil to stop him scoring, otherwise I thought he was excellent.
3) Ozil, on the other hand, was fairly quiet apart from a missed chance and scoring probably the second best goal of the tournament so far. He'll need to be picked up fairly consistently by England, but as long as he's not in space the whole time, I don't think he's as good as he looked against Australia, who pressed ahead of him, and then just let him wander about between the lines. Not that I have any faith in Gareth Barry to do any sort of job on him.
4) Asamoah should really have scored when through on goal: I haven't been impressed by either him or Prince Tagoe and they, along with the limitations of the hardworking Gyan, are the reason that Ghana did not win the group: they do not have sharp enough players in the top 4 of the side. Their defence is decent, and Boateng and Annan are excellent. Excepting Ayew, the quality is not there further forward though.
5) Schweinsteiger and Lahm really are excellent players. Schweinsteiger hardly wastes the ball. Lahm can be exposed at the very top level (Milito, Torres), but against most opponents he just gets on with it and does his job back and forward.
6) In terms of their future prospects, Ghana and the US will be fascinating, in that the US are far stronger when they are bombing forward, and Ghana would prefer to counter from a fairly organised, rugged defence. Hopefully Ghana will win; either side will remind England how crucial it would have been for either Rooney or Defoe to have buried straightforward second half chances.
Germany will of course be playing England. I have learnt my lesson, and would not even begin to assume what England should do against Germany, because as was demonstrated, I (fuck it, we) know fuck all about football. I reckon the key though will be to make Khedira and Schweinsteiger have to play fairly deep, through Rooney, Gerrard and Lampard, and to have someone reasonably close to Ozil. They will also be fairly vulnerable whoever is playing at left-back: Badstuber was dropped, Boateng is not a left back, and quite how Marcell Jansen must feel about being dropped for a player who doesn't even play in that position is questionable. Friedrich doesn't look that good either.
England can beat Germany, of that I have little doubt: Germany are nowhere near as good as they seemed to be as they picked their way through Australia's terrible defence. Ghana should have secured at least a draw last night, after all (yes, I'm assuming that England are better than Ghana).
Monday, 21 June 2010
Germany vs Serbia
I watched the Thursday games on highlights, so can't really talk about them other than the fact that France looked even worse than vs Uruguay, even before all this strike nonsense.
Germany and Serbia was a fairly dramatic game that was refereed appallingly. Serbia's goal was a bit scrappy, Germany's quick movement and passing seemed far less penetrative against a deeper midfield and resolute defence, suggesting that the performance against Australia was as much to do with their failings.
Another ridiculous penalty conceeded by Serbia, and that rarity: a German missing from the spot. Podolski was, truth be told, fairly desperate all day, and Marin, who got a ton of space in the last twenty minutes, wasted several promising opportunities. Mario Gomez run of terrible cameos continued; Khedira and Schweinsteiger played well in midfield.
Serbia should get through the group now with a win against Australia. I expect the Germans to do enough to beat Ghana and get through, but they looked a shadow of the side they were in the first game, which was a shame.
At least Bastian Schweinsteiger continued to justify my praise of him: I would swap any of England's players for him at this point.
Germany and Serbia was a fairly dramatic game that was refereed appallingly. Serbia's goal was a bit scrappy, Germany's quick movement and passing seemed far less penetrative against a deeper midfield and resolute defence, suggesting that the performance against Australia was as much to do with their failings.
Another ridiculous penalty conceeded by Serbia, and that rarity: a German missing from the spot. Podolski was, truth be told, fairly desperate all day, and Marin, who got a ton of space in the last twenty minutes, wasted several promising opportunities. Mario Gomez run of terrible cameos continued; Khedira and Schweinsteiger played well in midfield.
Serbia should get through the group now with a win against Australia. I expect the Germans to do enough to beat Ghana and get through, but they looked a shadow of the side they were in the first game, which was a shame.
At least Bastian Schweinsteiger continued to justify my praise of him: I would swap any of England's players for him at this point.
Monday, 14 June 2010
Germany vs Australia
I'm an Englishman, so this was a tricky game to watch in terms of supporting anyone. In the end I quite enjoyed seeing the Ockers get a pasting.
The first thing to say is that I did Guus Hiddink a mass disservice in claiming that he was lucky in getting Australia through the first round in 2006: this match suggested that he was a miracle worker in getting this same group of players to function as a competitive unit. The Australian defence was atrocious throughout, especially the first half hour, with Ozil given unbelievable time and space in front of the back four.
Ozil looked that rarity, a bright, creative, German number 10. More used to the midfield general type in the mould of Overath, Mattheus or Ballack, Ozil makes Germany a very different proposition and will be worth following in the tournament. I very much doubt however that he will be as loosely marked again as he was last night; Annan and KP may well look to put him out of action fairly sharpish in the last group match.
The Germans were great though; Schweinsteiger dictated play from deep, Muller worked tirelessly, Lahm was great getting forward (as usual), and Klose scored a header. Khedira and Ozil both made the step-up, and for once, the Germans look like a team well worth watching.
The Ockers didn't do themselves any favours with the selection of Garcia as a lone centre forward, but they were simply outclassed. I wouldn't make too much of the absence of Cahill from their next match either; Ghana look to have too much anyway.
The first thing to say is that I did Guus Hiddink a mass disservice in claiming that he was lucky in getting Australia through the first round in 2006: this match suggested that he was a miracle worker in getting this same group of players to function as a competitive unit. The Australian defence was atrocious throughout, especially the first half hour, with Ozil given unbelievable time and space in front of the back four.
Ozil looked that rarity, a bright, creative, German number 10. More used to the midfield general type in the mould of Overath, Mattheus or Ballack, Ozil makes Germany a very different proposition and will be worth following in the tournament. I very much doubt however that he will be as loosely marked again as he was last night; Annan and KP may well look to put him out of action fairly sharpish in the last group match.
The Germans were great though; Schweinsteiger dictated play from deep, Muller worked tirelessly, Lahm was great getting forward (as usual), and Klose scored a header. Khedira and Ozil both made the step-up, and for once, the Germans look like a team well worth watching.
The Ockers didn't do themselves any favours with the selection of Garcia as a lone centre forward, but they were simply outclassed. I wouldn't make too much of the absence of Cahill from their next match either; Ghana look to have too much anyway.
Thursday, 10 June 2010
Great World Cup Moments #10
A personal favourite with this one in Alessandro Del Piero's goal against Germany in 2006.
Ultimately, Del Piero cannot be judged as a world class player, despite being an all-time Italian league and Juventus legend. He flattered to deceive in too many tournaments, always seemed to be carrying an injury, always had a rival for his favoured trequartista role, and he seemed to be declining from far too early in his career (I think he must have peaked at about 21). Yet it seemed almost tragic coming into almost certainly his last World Cup in 2006 that his principal international achievement was missing two golden chances when through on goal in the inside left channel in the Euro 2000 final.
So it is heartening that Del Piero can instead look on a similar chance in a similar massive match and know that this time, he absolutely buried it. I'm sure that I speak for anyone whose parents neglected to get Sky in the 90s and instead grew up with James Richardson in saying "golaccio". And then people thinking that you just said "Go Lazio".
By the way, I never check these links, so I hope they work. I'm hoping for some sort of prize, frankly, for the Most Banal Linking seen on a blog in 2010. I think it's the fact you could so easily just go to youtube and search for them yourself, given that it's always really obvious what the link is. I suppose I'm saving you time. Eventually I'll link to steakncheese.com just for the surprise I think.
We're nearly finished for these Moments now, I might do one more if I can think of it, I think it's the 11th by then. Or maybe some Shit moments if I can think of any of them either, although they'll all just be the ball looping of Parker's heel. Again, and again. Just like in my dreams.
Ultimately, Del Piero cannot be judged as a world class player, despite being an all-time Italian league and Juventus legend. He flattered to deceive in too many tournaments, always seemed to be carrying an injury, always had a rival for his favoured trequartista role, and he seemed to be declining from far too early in his career (I think he must have peaked at about 21). Yet it seemed almost tragic coming into almost certainly his last World Cup in 2006 that his principal international achievement was missing two golden chances when through on goal in the inside left channel in the Euro 2000 final.
So it is heartening that Del Piero can instead look on a similar chance in a similar massive match and know that this time, he absolutely buried it. I'm sure that I speak for anyone whose parents neglected to get Sky in the 90s and instead grew up with James Richardson in saying "golaccio". And then people thinking that you just said "Go Lazio".
By the way, I never check these links, so I hope they work. I'm hoping for some sort of prize, frankly, for the Most Banal Linking seen on a blog in 2010. I think it's the fact you could so easily just go to youtube and search for them yourself, given that it's always really obvious what the link is. I suppose I'm saving you time. Eventually I'll link to steakncheese.com just for the surprise I think.
We're nearly finished for these Moments now, I might do one more if I can think of it, I think it's the 11th by then. Or maybe some Shit moments if I can think of any of them either, although they'll all just be the ball looping of Parker's heel. Again, and again. Just like in my dreams.
Predictions
I'll not be posting over the weekend, and am sloping off early tomorrow to watch the opening ceremony, so here are my predictions for the first eight fixtures.
SA vs Mexico
As much as I would enjoy South Africa to get off to a great start (tournaments are improved by a strong host nation), I think Mexico will end up stealing this one. They take an early lead, SA equalise in the second half but Mexico go on to win 2-1
France vs Uruguay
France are traditionally slow starters, Uruguay have won one world cup match since 1970, and that was against South Korea in the last minute. A draw here, and probably a fucking dire one, despite the fact that the match will feature attackers of the calibre of Ribery, Forlan, Anelka, Suarez and Gourcuff (Alvaro Recoba should still be playing as well really, but I imagine he just snorts coke off prozzies nowadays: one of the tragedies of 21st century football). We'll say 0-0, but it might be 1-1
Greece vs South Korea
I was delighted that Greece won Euro 2004, principally because it seemed fairly surreal, and the fact that they beat France and Portugal twice. But if they are anything like they were at Euro 2008, I will be hoping they lose three times. Theofanis Gekas has again managed to score plenty of goals in qualifying: fuck knows how, he was similarly talked up two years ago and proceeded to play like Michael Ricketts. South Korea are always a decent watch; if stereotypes are anything to go by, they will run like the wind, press hard and hope to flick a way through the Greek's slumbering defences, although they may be underpowered in the air. I'll go for 1-0 South Korea out of hope more than expectation. We're going to my parents' for a barbecue for this one, with food from all the day's matches. Hot Dogs indeed.
Argentina vs Nigeria
Argentina will be fairly dull, I reckon, relying on the magic of Messi and Di Maria for penetration. They and Higuain will presumably have too much for Nigeria (and everyone to the quarter final probably), but the fact that they Gabi Heinze will apparently line up at left-back might allow the Nigerians to score a consolation. I am rather hoping that Seba Veron gives a Valderama style masterclass of passing and game management in central midfield, to make some ammends for his disastrous time in England (which is underrated, to be fair), but I doubt it will work later in the tournament. Nigeria may select Olofinjana and Kanu in central midfield though, so this might be Veron's big game. 3-1, Messi will score.
England vs USA
8-0. ROAR. Next.
Slovenia vs Algeria
Is this the first match that dj will miss, allowing his missus to finally watch Thursday's episode of The Good Wife (dj will obviously watch as well; Julianna Margulies is an all time Would Smash)? No. dj is going to be a right cunt at the weekends, not even allowing his baby to watch CBeebies. Slovenia will probably sneak a win, Algeria are supposed to be utterly shite. 1-0
Ghana vs Serbia
Really looking forward to this one; should be the game of the weekend. Ghana will be lacking Absolute Rapist and Midfield Colossus Michael Essien, but Kevin Prince Boateng can at least fulfil the studs up part of his midfield role, if not the drive and hammer right boot. Appiah has been injured for about four years, and may not be the same metronomic passer of four years ago (when he barely misplaced a single pass in the group stage), Muntari seems to have been fairly exposed since his move to Inter, and although Asamoah Gyan is coming off a pretty good year in France, I would be amazed if he scored a goal of any sort here. Serbia have a resolute defence with Ivanovic (who has quietly come one of the best defenders in the Premiership) and Vidic, and are quietly tipped. There have to be matches where the African teams utilise the conditions and the home support though, and I reckon this will be one of them. Ghana will win 2-0 I think.
Germany vs Australia
This is being talked about as Germany's worst team for a while, although I wonder if this talking is being done by anyone who watched Germany play in Euro 2000 or especially Euro 2004, where they were absolutely fucking awful. The absence of Ballack will not help their chances, but Schweinisteiger's new brio as a midfield general will help ease the burden. I'm in two minds about the Ockers: They have Timmy Cahill, which is good (I have a deep seated love of football that involves crosses, knockdowns and lung-busting midfielders; Cahill is all about this style of play, and is not adverse to the rough stuff), but they have Harry Kewell (who will apparently play as a lone centre forward; which would frankly be the most baffling decision of all time, although you'd have said that about Totti at Roma under Spalletti, and that worked), who is a bit of cunt, frankly. I think Australia were lucky to get out of their group four years ago (although heaven forbid I imply that Hiddink is not the absolute best manager ever), will probably finish bottom of the rather challenging group D, and will lose comfortably here. 2-0 sounds about right. I really hope Mario Gomez gets one of them, but probably he won't.
I am hoping to have got one score right, and four results. I won't though, they'll all be wrong. Except for England. Heskey hat-trick. Bosh.
SA vs Mexico
As much as I would enjoy South Africa to get off to a great start (tournaments are improved by a strong host nation), I think Mexico will end up stealing this one. They take an early lead, SA equalise in the second half but Mexico go on to win 2-1
France vs Uruguay
France are traditionally slow starters, Uruguay have won one world cup match since 1970, and that was against South Korea in the last minute. A draw here, and probably a fucking dire one, despite the fact that the match will feature attackers of the calibre of Ribery, Forlan, Anelka, Suarez and Gourcuff (Alvaro Recoba should still be playing as well really, but I imagine he just snorts coke off prozzies nowadays: one of the tragedies of 21st century football). We'll say 0-0, but it might be 1-1
Greece vs South Korea
I was delighted that Greece won Euro 2004, principally because it seemed fairly surreal, and the fact that they beat France and Portugal twice. But if they are anything like they were at Euro 2008, I will be hoping they lose three times. Theofanis Gekas has again managed to score plenty of goals in qualifying: fuck knows how, he was similarly talked up two years ago and proceeded to play like Michael Ricketts. South Korea are always a decent watch; if stereotypes are anything to go by, they will run like the wind, press hard and hope to flick a way through the Greek's slumbering defences, although they may be underpowered in the air. I'll go for 1-0 South Korea out of hope more than expectation. We're going to my parents' for a barbecue for this one, with food from all the day's matches. Hot Dogs indeed.
Argentina vs Nigeria
Argentina will be fairly dull, I reckon, relying on the magic of Messi and Di Maria for penetration. They and Higuain will presumably have too much for Nigeria (and everyone to the quarter final probably), but the fact that they Gabi Heinze will apparently line up at left-back might allow the Nigerians to score a consolation. I am rather hoping that Seba Veron gives a Valderama style masterclass of passing and game management in central midfield, to make some ammends for his disastrous time in England (which is underrated, to be fair), but I doubt it will work later in the tournament. Nigeria may select Olofinjana and Kanu in central midfield though, so this might be Veron's big game. 3-1, Messi will score.
England vs USA
8-0. ROAR. Next.
Slovenia vs Algeria
Is this the first match that dj will miss, allowing his missus to finally watch Thursday's episode of The Good Wife (dj will obviously watch as well; Julianna Margulies is an all time Would Smash)? No. dj is going to be a right cunt at the weekends, not even allowing his baby to watch CBeebies. Slovenia will probably sneak a win, Algeria are supposed to be utterly shite. 1-0
Ghana vs Serbia
Really looking forward to this one; should be the game of the weekend. Ghana will be lacking Absolute Rapist and Midfield Colossus Michael Essien, but Kevin Prince Boateng can at least fulfil the studs up part of his midfield role, if not the drive and hammer right boot. Appiah has been injured for about four years, and may not be the same metronomic passer of four years ago (when he barely misplaced a single pass in the group stage), Muntari seems to have been fairly exposed since his move to Inter, and although Asamoah Gyan is coming off a pretty good year in France, I would be amazed if he scored a goal of any sort here. Serbia have a resolute defence with Ivanovic (who has quietly come one of the best defenders in the Premiership) and Vidic, and are quietly tipped. There have to be matches where the African teams utilise the conditions and the home support though, and I reckon this will be one of them. Ghana will win 2-0 I think.
Germany vs Australia
This is being talked about as Germany's worst team for a while, although I wonder if this talking is being done by anyone who watched Germany play in Euro 2000 or especially Euro 2004, where they were absolutely fucking awful. The absence of Ballack will not help their chances, but Schweinisteiger's new brio as a midfield general will help ease the burden. I'm in two minds about the Ockers: They have Timmy Cahill, which is good (I have a deep seated love of football that involves crosses, knockdowns and lung-busting midfielders; Cahill is all about this style of play, and is not adverse to the rough stuff), but they have Harry Kewell (who will apparently play as a lone centre forward; which would frankly be the most baffling decision of all time, although you'd have said that about Totti at Roma under Spalletti, and that worked), who is a bit of cunt, frankly. I think Australia were lucky to get out of their group four years ago (although heaven forbid I imply that Hiddink is not the absolute best manager ever), will probably finish bottom of the rather challenging group D, and will lose comfortably here. 2-0 sounds about right. I really hope Mario Gomez gets one of them, but probably he won't.
I am hoping to have got one score right, and four results. I won't though, they'll all be wrong. Except for England. Heskey hat-trick. Bosh.
Wednesday, 9 June 2010
Great World Cup Moments #9
Bit of a weak one this, but there you go.
Rijkaard. Voller.
I got sent to bed after this in 1990; I think my mum didn't want me to watch all the spitting. My dad again seemed to enjoy it though (I think Italia 90 was probably the last time my dad was bothered about football really; he has feigned disinterest ever since). Obviously this always gets played on terrible World Cup clip shows, and people mock Voller's terrible bubble perm and tache. The truth is: Voller is German. What the fuck were you expecting him to look like at the end of the 1980s? Plus whenever anyone looks through their family photos, all the ones taken in the 1980s look like the 1970s, the ones from the 1990s look like the 1980s etc.
When I eventually got to see Frank Rijkaard play in Euro 1992 and on Football Italia it became even more of a shame that he went completely bat-shit crazy and repeatedly spat at Rudi Voller. Rijkaard was a fucking brilliant footballer, one of the finest in his, or indeed any, position of the last 25 years. Equally at home in either penalty box, a dominating defensive midfielder or a "cultured" centre back. A hard bastard who looked like he'd been dragged through a hedge, who made a useful habit of excelling in European cup finals.
I came to quite like Rudi Voller by the end of his career as well. He replaced Papin surprisingly well at Marseille, up front with a young Allen Boksic, and then had a blinding match against Belgium at USA 94, linking up superbly with Klinsi. I always thought it was rather harsh that Voller was dismissed in this match, principally for the crime of being spat at, being pushed, and having his foot trodden on. I don't actually remember Voller doing anything, and it's still not especially clear exactly what he was sent off for.
Like I say, not a good pick, but only two more to go and then we can actually focus on matches and stuff.
Rijkaard. Voller.
I got sent to bed after this in 1990; I think my mum didn't want me to watch all the spitting. My dad again seemed to enjoy it though (I think Italia 90 was probably the last time my dad was bothered about football really; he has feigned disinterest ever since). Obviously this always gets played on terrible World Cup clip shows, and people mock Voller's terrible bubble perm and tache. The truth is: Voller is German. What the fuck were you expecting him to look like at the end of the 1980s? Plus whenever anyone looks through their family photos, all the ones taken in the 1980s look like the 1970s, the ones from the 1990s look like the 1980s etc.
When I eventually got to see Frank Rijkaard play in Euro 1992 and on Football Italia it became even more of a shame that he went completely bat-shit crazy and repeatedly spat at Rudi Voller. Rijkaard was a fucking brilliant footballer, one of the finest in his, or indeed any, position of the last 25 years. Equally at home in either penalty box, a dominating defensive midfielder or a "cultured" centre back. A hard bastard who looked like he'd been dragged through a hedge, who made a useful habit of excelling in European cup finals.
I came to quite like Rudi Voller by the end of his career as well. He replaced Papin surprisingly well at Marseille, up front with a young Allen Boksic, and then had a blinding match against Belgium at USA 94, linking up superbly with Klinsi. I always thought it was rather harsh that Voller was dismissed in this match, principally for the crime of being spat at, being pushed, and having his foot trodden on. I don't actually remember Voller doing anything, and it's still not especially clear exactly what he was sent off for.
Like I say, not a good pick, but only two more to go and then we can actually focus on matches and stuff.
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